Dead Shack Page #3

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I just saved the other

dude's life!

How?

Well, now she knows that someone

else is out here

and saw everything.

And that she should murder us

to tie up loose ends?!

Well... I thought you were

gonna throw a rock, too!

Guys!

Let's go!

Go!

You're such a little prick,

Colin!

This is all your fault!

How is this my fault?

"Oh, those playas gonna

have a threesome!"

How was I supposed to know

she's a bro-drugging psycho?

I'm not f***ing psychic!

Oh yeah, but you're

bloody stupid!

Yeah, and you're

a bloody b*tch!

No wonder mom left!

Guys!

F*** you!

( struggling )

Guys!

What?!

Listen to me!

Chances are that woman,

she probably knows these woods

better than we do.

We're not safe until we tell

your parents what happened.

So apologize now

and let's go.

Or don't.

Either way, we should

still get going.

Ok, good.

Let's go.

Let's go, ok?

( turns lock )

( suspense music )

( suspense music )

( suspense music )

( suspense music )

( suspense music )

( feeding )

( slurping and snarling )

You got any 8's?

Go fish.

It's your lucky day, cowgirl.

( chuckles )

You got any 4's?

Mmm...

nope.

Go fish.

Caught a big one.

Well, well, well.

Start-

Dad! Dad!

Oh, sh*t!

Dad, there's a psycho b*tch!

( clamouring )

Lisa and I, we were just um...

Playing Go Fish Foreplay, yeah.

Wait, that's a thing?

F***, hot dogs.

Hey, sensible bites, Colin.

Ok, dad, you need to listen

to me.

Yeah, what's up?

The- the neighbour, it's-

it's our neighbour and it-

Henry's here?

I love that guy.

Sperm whale, where are

you, you...

What the f***, dad?

Not our neighbour back home,

our neighbour here!

Are you drunk already?

If I say yes will you be mad?

Yes!

Then no.

Ok, dad, you really need

to focus here.

Ok.

Our neighbour, she drugged

these guys and then-

and then I think she killed

one of them and-

No, she would have fed them

to something.

That's the same as

killing them!

Mmm.

So what you're saying is

that our neighbour,

who is a lady,

is also a cannibal.

Colin, is she hot?

Yeah.

We gotta go then

and check this out.

Ok, dad-

Lisa...

Look, we- can we just call

the cops and get outta here?

Come on, we're not gonna

call the cops.

Look.

Fine. I'll drive.

( snorts )

( drunkenly ) Yeah,

I'm gonna let you drive.

Screw you, Lisa.

Oh, Summer, come on.

You don't suppose that

there's a landline around here

or something?

What's a landline?

Oh my god, why did we even

come here?!

'Cause it's cheap.

Alright, ok, guys, seriously.

Enough.

We'll go for a walk.

I'm gonna get some

fresh air,

and check out this cabin.

Together.

Ok?

If there's anything shady going

on I'll take care of it.

No, dad, nu-uh.

Summer. Summer.

Hey, I got this.

Huh?

Seriously dad, you're really

not helping anything.

Jason. Jason!

Have fun, Jason!

I'll have fun in here

not getting eaten!

You can help me make dinner.

No.

I guess you already ate.

( urinating )

Woah.

I peed on my beer cans.

I almost wrote my whole name.

( chuckles )

Here.

What do you want me to do

with this?

Woah, woah, woah,

hey now, Jay, big Jay,

come on, no, no, no.

Only responsible-

rebe... response...

only persponsible grown-ups

are allowed to use the axes.

Mmmkay?

Lisa.

Lisa!

Huh?

Take a photo of- of me.

I look like a lumberjack.

( laughs )

You look so sexy.

Eh?

That's disgusting.

No, it's not.

It's sexy.

You heard her say it.

Ugh.

With any luck he's gonna

get bored and fall asleep

and then we can drag

his drunk ass back home.

No, you won't!

( urinating )

Hey, look! I got a kick-stand.

You drink six,

you piss out twelve.

Am I right, kids?

Yeah, dad, you've had your fun,

so we can go back now, right?

There's hot dogs at home.

Yeah, but this is

way more fun.

I don't think he should be

out here in this state.

Well, to be fair, my dad does

his best fighting

when he's drunk.

Yeah, that's right.

Power five.

( makes explosion sound )

That was pretty weak, Jason.

I'm being honest with you.

I'll tell you- give you

a word of advice.

A man can always tell

how manly a man is

by how powerful his

power five is.

Thanks for those words

of wisdom, Mr. Slade.

That's great.

Roger.

Call me Roger.

I consider you t- to be

a son to me, you know?

A taller, better-looking son.

God, dad!

I'm joking!

Come on.

Let's go find some

f***ing cannibals.

Hey, cannibals!

Ok.

( laughs )

Just a little more quiet,

maybe?

Hit me baby one more...

( suspense music )

So this is it.

I should go on adventures

with you kids more often.

( laughs drunkenly )

Shhh!

Bum-bum-bum-ba-ba-ba...

Mr. Slade!

You really need to be quiet!

Ok, you know what, Jason?

I'm super drunk

and I'm kinda high.

So being quiet is really hard

for me.

Mmmkay?

Good talk.

Boop boop.

Huh?

Let's go.

( trips on garbage cans )

Aaah.

Oh, that smells like sh*t.

Dad!

( groans )

With love, shut up!

Yeah!

Tastes like sh*t, too.

( music playing inside )

Ugh. This is boring.

I'm gonna go and see

if anyone's home.

Dad!

Hello?

It's your neighbour.

Carrying a big axe!

( stumbles )

( crashes )

Shhh!

Dad, stop dicking around!

Hello?

( slips )

Woah.

It's ok.

It's just really cheap wine.

( snorts )

I'm gonna try

this room.

Dad, seriously!

( shuffling )

( muffled crash )

Woops!

You guys hear that?

I'm just gonna turn off

that music.

I'll turn it back on later.

Dad!

( pulls needle off record )

I don't see any cannibals.

Come on.

Maybe she has a phone

or something.

We just broke into

someone's house.

( laughs )

How messed up is that?

Ugh.

Hey, Lisa, I have to pee.

We've been through

this before, Colin.

You don't need to ask me.

Well, what if the psycho

cannibal lady is in there?

Dammit, Colin,

close the door!

Well, what if the cannibal

lady is in here waiting for me

to close the door so she can

friggin' murder me?

You think about that, Lisa?

No. You didn't.

'Cause you didn't finish

high school.

Hey, Lisa?

Do we have any dessert?

Yeah, it's called get some

damn manners cake!

Well.

( knocking )

It's about damn time.

...The f***?

( urinating )

( thump )

F***!

( urinating )

( muffled screaming )

Stop it!

Stop it!

You're squeezing me!!!!

( bottle smashes )

( thump )

( urinating in bowl )

( urinating )

Shh...

( urinating )

F***.

( continues to urinate )

Oh, f***. Goddammit!

Be quiet, f***ing piece

of sh*t!

( urinating )

F***!

( feeding )

Ok, so what now?

Well, maybe we should-

Think we should split up

and cover more ground?

I was thinking the exact

same thing, my friend.

I was actually gonna say stick

together no matter what, but...

Jason?

You, my friend, are

a tactical genius.

That's why I would not wanna

play chess with you.

Also because chess

is f***ing boring.

I do- I- I have to say,

I broke into this house

under the promise that I was

going to see some crazy sh*t.

So far, pretty disappointed

in the both of you.

So where is she, huh?

Where's the sexy cannibal?

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