Dead Shack Page #5

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love each other,

like deep down somewhere.

You guys are more like

my real family, you know?

You sensitive b*tch.

That was some seriously

deep sh*t, dude.

I love you, man.

You too, man.

Cute.

You know, Mr. Slade,

maybe he drinks

too much

and he swears and he's not very

responsible-

He farts in my face

sometimes, but...

But he loves you guys,

and he actually gives

a crap about me.

Well, enough to make fun

of me

and tell me when I'm getting

stepped all over.

So we're not gonna let some

crazy cannibal lady

take him away from us.

We're gonna go back there

and we're gonna mess her up!

She's not even that hot,

anyway.

So where'd you get the gun?

Just in here.

By the way, shotgun.

As in, shotgun the shotgun.

Woah.

Let's gear up.

And blow some bros.

You're gonna blow

some bros, Colin?

Blow up some bros.

You know what I mean.

Yeah.

Let's f*** sh*t up!

Woah.

Someone's balls

just dropped.

( howling )

This is a pretty

shitty weekend.

I'm gonna say it because all

we've been doing is walking up

and down this path, we've

seen some pretty disgusting sh*t

like blood and gore,

you know, and now it's snowing.

I got snow in my shoes, and...

I pissed my pants earlier

and you guys wouldn't

let me clean it.

So f*** you guys for that.

Sweeties!

( gasps )

Stop it. Stop it.

Get down.

They're the bros.

Yeah, yeah.

She fished them out of

the basement.

Don't make this harder

than it needs to be.

You're gonna pay for

what you did to Lisa!

Yeah!

We're gonna tell on you!

"We're gonna tell on you"?

The cops don't know,

the cops don't care.

They'll never suspect me,

they're all sexist.

( c*cks gun )

F***!

Sh*t!

Split up! Split up!

( gun shot )

You're out of

your league, kids!

Alright, come on.

I want you to get them, huh?

Go get 'em.

Go on, boys.

Go on.

Go get 'em, boys.

Go get 'em.

Do you have any snacks?

I- I ate all my hot dogs

and I'm so f***in' hungry.

No, I don't have any snacks,

man.

F***.

( snaps )

Oh, goddammit,

Harold, stop it.

Come on, honey.

You go make me proud.

Make me proud, honey.

( grunting )

( gun shot )

( snarling )

I got one!

Get down!

( gun shot )

( gun shot )

Oh, f***.

Sh*t. Sh*t.

Sh*t, sh*t, sh*t, sh*t, sh*t!

( gun shot )

( groan )

Holy sh*t!

( groans )

( thud )

( moans )

Check mate, biatch!

F***!

Yo, she-b*tch!

( gun shot )

I got her!

( snarling )

( struggling )

( snarling )

( gun shot )

( snarling )

( thud )

( groans )

Oh, disgusting!

Guys, guys!

Where's the neighbour?

Wha-

I don't know,

but let's go and get dad!

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Ah, f***.

Now I got piss and blood

all over me.

( grunting )

Wha- what's

with all the unicorns?

( shatters )

F*** unicorns.

Where's dad?

Dad's under the stairs.

( bells ringing )

He's coming!

Who's coming?

Summer.

Who's coming?

F***.

The f*** is she talking about?

Holy sh*t.

( snarling )

Sh*t!

Sh*t.

Um, Jason, hold the door.

Colin, help me out here.

Ok.

( growling )

Come on.

( thumping )

( growling )

( bursts open )

Ok, come on, come on.

( creaking )

Summer.

Summer, where's dad?

Where are we going?

Shh!

Guys, where are you going?

What're you doing?

Guys?

Shh!

Shut up!

( gasps )

( stuttering )

Creepy kids!

( door bursts open )

( gasping )

Hey, you guys look cool.

What's up with

the crack babies?

Dad, stay down!

Ah gross!

Dad, come on!

Come on!

Is that blood?

Yes!

Because f***ing dead!

What do you mean,

f***ing dead?

Is that... blood on you, too?

Dad, I need your help!

What happened to the room?

What- ok, why is there

a couch-

What?

Bring it- Colin,

help me bring it down.

What?

No, dad, I need you

to help me!

Just stop yelling.

Hey, Colin.

Hey.

Buddy.

Hey. Hey!

I'm trying to- woah.

Look...

Come on, bash her

skull in!

You know I love you, buddy,

right?

Yeah.

A- And- And I know I can act

dumb sometimes, right?

I'm trying!

And I know I should probably

act more mature.

Y- yeah.

I just wanna be the fun dad.

( struggling )

You know,

the- the cool dad.

Alright?

Come on, Jason!

It's just a little girl!

But it's... it's hard, you

know, your mother and I...

Uh-huh, yeah.

That's why this is

so messed up!

I just want you to know

that I...

I love you and your sister

very much.

Ok, dad, we love you, too.

Ok, good stuff.

Good talk.

And I...

( gasping )

S- Summer,

what did you do?

What did you do?

Ok, dad, we gotta get

out of here now.

Come on.

Where's Lisa?

Dad. Dad.

Lisa's gone.

What do you mean,

she's gone?

What do you...

She turned into one of those

and then Colin had to...

Colin had to what?

Colin? Colin?

Colin had to what?

Look, dad, you can increase your

chances of meeting someone new

if we get out of

here alive.

Oh... yeah, alright.

( smashing thump )

( gasps )

( low growling )

What is that?

Ok, dad, help me

with the door!

What the f*** is that?

Help me with

the f***ing door!

( thud )

F***, I hate axes!

( groaning )

( thud )

My babies!

What did you do to

my babies?!

Colin, gun!

Sh*t!

I didn't reload it!

( cries out )

( thud )

( groans )

( fighting grunts )

F***!

I liked Lisa,

you f***ing b*tch!

( groans )

( cries out in pain )

( laughs )

Here's another one!

( cries out )

( groaning )

( cries out )

Dad!

Are you ok?

She f***ing stabbed me!

F*** off with the throwing

the knives!

F***.

( moaning )

Is it bad?

You got stabbed!

Yeah, it's bad.

It's pretty bad!

It's pretty bad.

Yeah.

Idiot!

Stay!

( splat )

I think we're done here.

Summer!

Summer, dad's hurt!

F***.

Sh*t.

( groaning )

Oh my god, dad!

Don't worry, we're gonna get

you out of here!

Sh*t, he's losing

a lot of blood.

F***!

Summer, don't use that kind

of language,

it doesn't suit you.

Guys, guys!

Car keys!

There's, like, a ton of cars

out there!

Alright, dad, dad, BRB.

What does that mean?

Jason, stay with dad!

I gotta- I gotta find something

to stop this bleeding.

Duct tape.

It really is good

for everything.

Stay with me, Roger.

You're gonna be ok, alright?

Hey, you called me- you

called me by first name.

P- power five.

Ow.

You nailed it.

Dad, we got a car.

( coughs )

Is it nice?

Yes.

You always were my favourite,

Colin.

I hate you.

No you don't.

( gun shot )

( screaming )

Dad!!!!!!!!

Dad!!!!!

Dad!!!!!!

( gun shot )

( shatters )

Guys, guys, let's go, now!

Now! Now!

Now!

( gasping )

( gun shot )

That was my family you just

killed, you little sh*t!

Ten years.

Ten years of feeding,

caring for them.

Do you have any idea

how hard it was?

And did I get

any thank yous?

( gun shot )

No!

Not one f***ing thank you!

Oh, b*tch, you're

so dramatic!

But they loved me!

They really loved me!

Who's gonna love me now,

huh?

Who?

( gun shot )

Who cares?

( thump )

That was for Roger.

You shouldn't have messed

with my family!

( sobbing )

Your dad was a piece

of sh*t.

( spits )

Wait!

I got this.

Consider this the ultimate

power five, dad.

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