Deadpool Page #7

Cut WIDE to reveal that they’re on top of the KITCHEN TABLEduring THANKSGIVING DINNER. Wine spills, cranberry saucetopples, mashed potatoes launch. ALT: BREAKFAST FOOD

INSTEAD.

Nothing takes away from the joy of the moment.

18 INT. WADE’S APARTMENT - NIGHT - PAST 18

A CHRISTMAS WREATH hangs on Wade’s wall.

WADE (O.S.)

If your left leg is Thanksgiving, and

your right leg is Christmas...

WADE strikes a pose, HANDS on HIPS, wearing an AWFUL, AWFULCHRISTMAS SWEATER. And NO PANTS.

VANESSA sits against the bed’s HEADBOARD, SHEET pulled overher, up to her chin. She quickly lowers the sheet.

Revealing an APPALLING CHRISTMAS SWEATER of her own.

WADE (CONT’D)

...can I visit you between the holidays?

VANESSA:

Y’know, red’s your color. Brings out the

bloodshot in your eyes. Christmas gift!

Catch!

Vanessa tosses something to Wade. It lands in his hands.

WADE:

Holy f***ing sh*t.

It’s the nickel-silver-plated Voltron RING, all three hundred

thousand tickets worth.

VANESSA:

Limited edition. I had to give the kid

behind the counter a rub and tug. I’m

kidding. I’m not kidding. I’m kidding.

It was nearly five full months of

Skeeball.

WADE:

(beams)

Y’know, I’ve been doing some thinking...

VANESSA:

Really.

(CONTINUED)

Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 33.

18 CONTINUED:
18 18 CONTINUED: 18

WADE:

...about why we’re so good together.

VANESSA:

Why’s that?

WADE:

Your crazy matches my crazy. We’re like

two jigsaw pieces... weird curvy edges...

but fit us together, you can see thepicture on top.

Wade plants a kiss on Vanessa. She sits up on her knees.

VANESSA:

Hey, I’ve been meaning to ask you, only‘cause you haven’t gotten around toasking me

(pregnant pause)

Wade, will you-

VANESSA (CONT'D)WADE

Stick it in my-? Marry me?

VANESSA:

Uhh... jinx?

Wade reaches back and pulls out an ENGAGEMENT-RING-LIKE BOX.

Vanessa can barely contain her excitement.

VANESSA (CONT’D)

You’re not wearing pants. Where exactlywere you hiding that?

A vulnerable Wade hands her the box and stands there with the

look of... ‘Open it. Open it!’

WADE:

They say one month’s salary.

Vanessa opens the box... to reveal a CANDY RING.

WADE (CONT’D)

Slow month. I’ve been waiting for thisday like Boss Hogg waits to get to thecrazy cheesy crust...

VANESSA:

You mean-?

WADE:

I do.

(CONTINUED)

Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 34.

18 CONTINUED:
(2) 18

VANESSA:

That’s my line. I love you, Wade Wilson.

WADE:

Thought you charged extra for that.

VANESSA:

I did. At my old job.

WADE:

So that’s a-?

Vanessa stares. Swallows. Pulls him back into bed and

WHISPERS ONE SILENT WORD into his ear (’Yes’). Wade jumps upand DANCES around the room all goofy, POP, LOCK, & ROBOT.

VANESSA:

Easy. I can take it back.

Wade dives back into bed, SPOONS with Vanessa, wrapping herin his ARMS, touching his cheek to hers.

WADE:

What if I never let go?

VANESSA:

Just rode a b*tch’s back, like Yoda on

Luke?

WADE:

(contented sigh)

‘Star Wars’ jokes?!

VANESSA:

(corrects)

‘Empire.’

WADE:

It’s like I made you in a computer.

Wade swoons, reaches, grabs a POLAROID CAMERA off his nightstand,

and holds it at arm’s length.

WADE (CONT’D)

(Yoda voice)

Cheese, say!

The flash POPS. For this one moment, his life is...

WADE (CONT’D)

Perfect.

Wade hands Vanessa the photo. Then...

(CONTINUED)

Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 35.

18 CONTINUED:
(3) 18

WADE (CONT’D)

Wee break.

...bounces up to go to the BATHROOM. Vanessa gazes at thephoto, which is already FADING IN. Wade notices.

WADE (CONT’D)

Shake it like a-Uh. You get it.

DEADPOOL (V.O.)

Here’s the thing. Life is an endless

series of train-wrecks with only brief,

commercial-like breaks of happiness.

This had been the ultimate commercial

break. Which meant it was time to

return...

Wade peels off his Christmas sweater... and STEPS CONFIDENTLYBACK TOWARD THE BED. But before he gets there...

DEADPOOL (V.O.)

...to our regularly scheduled program.

...HE PASSES OUT, FACE-PLANTING ONTO THE FLOOR.

19 INT. ONCOLOGY WARD - DAY - PAST 19

WADE is sitting in a doctor’s office, VANESSA by his side,

opposite a solemn ONCOLOGIST. Every image suggests BAD NEWS:

A COMPLEX looking MRI IMAGE of the CIRCULATORY SYSTEM on aBACKLIT VIEWING TABLE. SWEAT STAINS under Wade’s arms.

Vanessa GRIPPING his hand. The LOOK on the DOCTOR’s FACE.

WADE:

You’re clowning. You’re not clowning? I

sense clowns.

DOCTOR:

People react to news of late-stage cancerdifferently.

Wade and Vanessa turn and share a devastated but loving look.

VANESSA:

(to doctor, springs into

action)

So what do we do? Surely there’ssomething... we can... do. I mean, myuncle, he was diagnosed with thyroidcancer, and there was this new

experimental drug that

(CONTINUED)

Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 36.

19 CONTINUED:
19

The VOLUME of Vanessa’s voice FADES until we can SEE her

talking but no longer hear the words:

DEADPOOL (V.O.)

See, people do react differently.

Vanessa’s already working on Plan A. B.

All the way to Z. Me? I’m memorizingthe details of her face. Like it’s the

first time I’m seeing it. Or the last.

DOCTOR (O.S.)

Mr. Wilson?

DEADPOOL (V.O.)

Believe it or not, this is only the ninthshittiest thing that's ever happened to

me.

DOCTOR (O.S.)

Mr. Wilson?

DEADPOOL (V.O.)

Stick around. Number 6 is coming right

up.

DOCTOR:

Take your time to process this.

20 EXT. FREEWAY - DAY 20

DEADPOOL HAS AJAX PINNED TO THE FREEWAY RAIL.

DEADPOOL:

You know how many people I’ve killed tofind you?

AJAX:

Actually, I do.

DEADPOOL:

So you’re aware I’ve been waiting a long,

long time for this. And now I’m finally

gonna...

(ALT:
)

So you’re aware of the category 5 f***-

storm that’s coming.

(ALT:
)

Then you know what’s coming. I’m about

to do to you what Sugar Ray did to themid-nineties.

A massive SHADOW passes over AJAX and DEADPOOL, accompaniedby LOUD METALLIC FOOTSTEPS. Ajax looks up, a bit awed.

(CONTINUED)

Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 37.

20 CONTINUED:
20

Deadpool senses something, reaches back with one hand,

feels...

...what turns out to be Colossus’s METALLIC CROTCH.

DEADPOOL (CONT’D)

Dad?

COLOSSUS GRABS Deadpool’s WRIST, CHUCKS him THROUGH the AIR,

ASS OVER TEAKETTLE.

21 INT. WADE’S APARTMENT - NIGHT - LATER - PAST 21

A CLOSE-UP of a Deadpool ACTION FIGURE from ‘X-Men Origins.’

Mouth sewn shut. Blades implanted into wrists.

In the exact same POSE we just saw the real Deadpool.

Sitting in a nightstand DRAWER in Wade’s apartment.

WADE (O.S.)

This is my most prized possession.

Wade looks like he’s reaching into the drawer for the actionfigure, but instead, reaches just UNDER it to grasp Wham!’s‘Make it Big’ album on Vinyl. He pulls out the album.

VANESSA:

Wham?

WADE:

Wham!

(cradles album lovingly)

‘Make it Big’ was the album George and

Andy earned their exclamation point.

Wade places the album carefully into one of two OPENSUITCASES on the floor next to him. He is currently goingthrough his possessions, TOSSING OUT the crap and placing thegood stuff into the suitcases.

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