Deadpool Page #6

WADE:

OK, he apologized... hakuna his tatas...

Vanessa lets Buck go, turns on Wade.

VANESSA:

(let’s go)

And you(

shakes Wade off)

Hands off the merchandise.

WADE:

Merchandise? So, what, you, uh, bump

fuzzies for money?

VANESSA:

Yup.

WADE:

Rough childhood?

VANESSA:

Rougher than yours. Daddy left before Iwas born.

WADE:

Daddy left before I was conceived.

(CONTINUED)

Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 26.

13 CONTINUED:
(3) 13

VANESSA:

Ever had a cigarette put out on yourskin?

WADE:

I didn’t know there was any other place

to put one out.

VANESSA:

I was molested.

WADE:

Me too. Uncle.

VANESSA:

Uncles. They took turns.

WADE:

I watched my own birthday party from thekeyhole of a locked closet, which wasalso my-

VANESSA:

Bedroom? Lucky. I slept in a dishwasherbox.

WADE:

So you had a dishwasher. I didn’t know

sleep. It was pretty much 24-7 of ballgags, brownie mix, and fun-house mirrors.

VANESSA:

Who would do such a thing?

WADE:

Hopefully you. Later tonight.

(beat)

And my Uncle Kevin.

Wade EMPTIES the rest of Gavin’s wallet:

WADE (CONT’D)

What can I get for two-hundred-seventythree bucks... and a Yogurtland rewardscard?

Vanessa shoves the bills into her halter:

VANESSA:

About forty-eight minutes of whatever you

want...

(peers at card)

And a low-fat dessert.

(CONTINUED)

Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 27.

13 CONTINUED:
(4) 13

Wade grins at her like a kid on Christmas morning.

14 INT. ARCADE - NIGHT - PAST 14

A two-shot of WADE and VANESSA staring at each other, inprofile. Wade looks really excited.

WADE:

Time to put balls... in holes.

REVERSE ANGLE to reveal two SKEEBALL MACHINES in the ARCADE.

Wade inserts tokens, and balls CLUNK down.

Vanessa looks half amused, half weirded out.

WADE (CONT’D)

You said whatever I want.

VANESSA:

I get it. You love skeeball. Apparentlymore than you love vagina.

WADE:

Tough call. Just trying to get to knowthe real you... not the plunging-

necklined, short-shorted, two-dimensional

sex object peddled by Hollywood.

Wade slowly turns to CAMERA. REVERSE ANGLE TO his P.O.V.:

A ten-year-old BOY stops in his tracks, his gaze moving fromVanessa’s plunging neckline to her short shorts.

BOY:

Nice tits!

VANESSA:

Thank you, son.

(tousles boy’s hair)

You know how to make a woman feel

special.

Vanessa reaches down, grabs two balls, hands one to Wade.

VANESSA (CONT’D)

Balls in holes.

WADE:

Prepare to lose tragically.

VANESSA:

Bring it, big man.

(CONTINUED)

Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 28.

14 CONTINUED:
14

Wade smiles slyly, sizes up the ramp, rears back andOVERHANDS the first ball... right into the 50,000 CUP.

VANESSA (CONT’D)

Ruh-roh.

15 INT. ARCADE PRIZE COUNTER - LATER - PAST 15

A beaming WADE bellies up to the prize counter and lays amassive armful of pink TICKETS on top.

WADE:

The limited edition Voltron: Defender of

the Universe ring, por favor.

TEEN:

You’re roughly three hundred thousandtickets short.

(beat)

It’s nickel-silver-plated.

WADE:

(disappointed)

Then I guess the tire-grade rubberVoltron keychain.

VANESSA places a measly TEN tickets of her own next to them.

VANESSA:

And the... pencil eraser.

The weary TEEN behind the counter hands Wade the low-rentVOLTRON KEYCHAIN, and Vanessa the eraser.

TEEN:

(reads keychain package

copy, bows)

You are now the sworn protector of thegentle people of the planet Arus...

(re:
eraser, positive

spin:
)

And you... you can... erase stuff...

written in pencil.

Wade extends his arm chivalrously:

WADE:

M’lady?

VANESSA:

Unfortunately, my anus-loving friend,

your forty-eight minutes are up.

(CONTINUED)

Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 29.

15 CONTINUED:
15

WADE:

Arus. And you’re more evil than evilKing Zarkon himself.

Wade rubs his keychain wistfully, then offers it up.

WADE (CONT’D)

How many more minutes for this?

(hard sell)

FYI. Five mini lion-bots come togetherto make up the super-bot.

VANESSA:

(faux-excited)

Five mini lion-bots?!

(matter-of-fact)

Three minutes.

WADE:

(gives keychain up)

That’s all I’ll need!

ALT:

WADE:

What do we do with the remaining twominutes thirty seven seconds?

VANESSA:

Cuddle?

Vanessa smiles and takes Wade’s arm. They walk out of theARCADE affectionately...

...to the SOUNDS OF TIRELESS, ATHLETIC SEX.

16 EXT./INT. WADE’S APARTMENT - NIGHT - PAST 16

VANESSA (O.S.)

How long can you keep this up?

DUCT TAPE fails to cover a big multi-fissured CRACK in theWINDOW of Wade’s CRAPPY APARTMENT. Inside, WADE has VANESSA

up against the wall decorated with CHRISTMAS LIGHTS that haveoverstayed their welcome and a CALENDAR. They are going atit like RABBITS.

WADE:

(raises eyebrow)

All year?

(CONTINUED)

Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 30.

16 CONTINUED:
16

Dolly Parton’s ‘HERE YOU COME AGAIN’ kicks in, and we...

DISSOLVE INTO:

17 INT. WADE’S APARTMENT - DAY 17

A MONTAGE of images: Fun, irreverent SEX around the CALENDAR

between WADE and VANESSA, identified by various holidays.

VALENTINE’S DAY SEX. WADE falls back onto a bed covered in

rose petals with VANESSA on top of him. She has drawn a

heart on his chest in red lipstick. They go at it hard...

then pause for a romantic look and kiss.

VANESSA:

Happy Valentine’s Day...

Then IMMEDIATELY go back to hard pounding.

CUT TO:

A medium shot of the top half of VANESSA. She is on hands

and knees, rocking back and forth. WADE leans into frame

from behind.

WADE:

Happy Chinese New Year’s...

VANESSA:

(smiles)

Year of the Dog.

They go at it even harder.

SMASH CUT TO:

The same exact locked-off medium shot, only WADE is now onhands and knees. His expression betrays great stress.

VANESSA leans into frame from behind.

VANESSA (CONT’D)

Relax... Happy International Women’s

Day...

Wade girds himself, then lets out a surprised, WHIMPERY YELPas some pioneering object journeys into his virgin lands.

CUT TO:

WADE in bed, legs wrapped around VANESSA’s neck, being orallypleasured.

(CONTINUED)

Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 31.

17 CONTINUED:
17

WADE:

Happy Fourth of July!

We see FIREWORKS through the skylight above.

CUT TO:

WADE sitting in an arm-chair, fully dressed, reading glasseson, purusing a book. VANESSA is reading in a chair opposite,

also wearing reading glasses.

VANESSA:

Happy Yom Kippur...

(ALT:
)

Happy Cesar Chavez Day...

(ALT:
)

Happy Lent...

(ALT:
)

Happy Lyme Disease Awareness Day...

(ALT:
)

Happy Wednesday...

CUT TO:

VANESSA in bed where Wade last was. Now her legs are wrappedaround HIS neck, and he’s pleasuring her.

WADE:

(muffled)

Happy Halloween...

VANESSA:

Oo... ow...

WADE:

(muffled)

Sorry.

(takes out Vampire teeth)

Happy Halloween...

Wade goes back to work.

CUT TO:

WADE and VANESSA banging it out one last time, missionarystyle.

VANESSA:

Happy Thanksgiving.

(ALT:
)

Happy Wednesday.

(CONTINUED)

Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 32.

17 CONTINUED:
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