Deadpool Page #5

Wade bobbing to the music.

WADE (CONT’D)

You’ve seen the last of Jeremy.

(CONTINUED)

Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 20.

11 CONTINUED:
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The girl - MEGHAN ORLOVSKY - leaps up and HUGS Wade tight.

WADE (CONT’D)

That’s why we do it.

GIRL #2

Hey, think you could f*** up my step-dad?

GIRL #3

How ‘bout Vice Principal Renwiki?

WADE:

(suddenly serious)

What’d he do to you?

GIRL #3

Suspended me for smoking.

WADE:

(turns to go)

Good for him! Sorry, ladies. Me no digcigs. And I may look mean. But if I

give a guy a pavement facial? He earned

it.

Wade gives Meghan a smile, turns to leave.

MEGHAN:

Hey. Thanks. You’re my hero.

The word catches Wade like a punch to the gut. Hero?

WADE:

That I ain’t.

Wade doesn’t turn back, walking through the swooping skaters.

A12 EXT. SISTER MARGARET’S - NIGHT - PAST A12

A grimy SIGN on a grimier brick building reads: ‘SISTER

MARGARET’S SCHOOL FOR WAYWARD GIRLS.’

12 INT. SISTER MARGARET’S - NIGHT - PAST 12

Inside, society’s DREGS. Chief among them, BOOTHE: a HUGE,

menacing hipster with a BOY SCOUT CAP and MASSIVE HANDLEBARMOUSTACHE. He’s got some DUDE’s fingers splayed out on thebar, jabbing a KNIFE POINT between them as fast as he can.

WADE shimmies past, backslaps BOOTHE:

WADE:

Boothe!

(CONTINUED)

Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 21.

12 CONTINUED:
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BOOTHE:

(turns, smiles)

Heya, Wade!

We hear a STAB and a SCREAM.

Wade winces as he continues on to the BAR, claims a STOOL and

waves over the lone bartender - WEASEL, early 20’s, geeky,

glasses. Think Tom Cruise in ‘Cocktail.’ Then think the

opposite.

WEASEL:

Wade Wilson, Patron Saint of the Pitiful.

What can I get you?

WADE:

I’d love a blow-job.

WEASEL:

We got that in common.

WADE:

The drink, moose-knuckle. But first...

Wade digs in a pocket, slaps the YELLOW ‘HIT’ CARD, the onewith the CYPRESS TREE, on the bar.

Weasel goes to the register. Scans the card. Peels off

three ONE HUNDRED DOLLAR BILLS. Lays them out like a bankteller. Wade PUSHES the MONEY AWAY...

WADE (CONT’D)

I ain’t taking allowance money. Make

sure it gets back to Ms. Osflorsky?

Onroflensky? Olly-Olly-Oxen-Free?

WEASEL:

Orlofsky. For a merc, you sure are warmblooded.

Bet you let the boy off easy-

peasy, too.

WADE:

(embarrassed)

He’s not a bad kid, Weas. Just a little

light stalking. I was way worse at hisage- traveling to far-off places -

Baghdad, Mogadishu, Jacksonville

(shudders)

- meeting new and exciting people

(CONTINUED)

Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 22.

12 CONTINUED:
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WEASEL:

And killing them. I’ve seen yourInstagram. What was Special Forces doingin Jacksonville, anyway?

WADE:

Classified.

(whispers)

They have a wonderful TGIFridays. Those

guys know their way around a LoadedPotato Skin. The point is, I’m trying toput those days in my rear-view.

Weasel puts the finishing touches on the drink, pushes itacross the bar to Wade.

WEASEL:

Kahlua, Bailey’s, whip cream. Fellatio

in a glass.

A burst of laughter turns Wade’s attention to BUCK, a BAD-ASSin a snakeskin jacket, has a crowd gathered round him, mid-

story. He too is holding a YELLOW CARD with SIM and CYPRESSTREE.

BUCK:

So he’s staring at my Glock in his mouth,

like...

(mouth full)

‘I thought you guys had a code!’ And I’m

like, ‘Yeah, no kids. No women. Almost

fooled by your tits. But the moustache?!

The crowd CRACKS UP.

Wade pulls out Gavin Merchant’s wallet and teases out aTWENTY. He grabs a passing waitress, tucks the bill in hershirt pocket and sets the blowj*b on her tray.

WADE:

Kelly, you mind taking this over to Buck?

Tell him it’s from Boothe.

(whispers, to Weasel)

Little foreplay.

Weasel follows Wade’s gaze to the end of the bar, where achuckling BOOTHE wraps a bandage around the guy’s bloodyhand.

WEASEL:

Remind me what good comes of this?

(CONTINUED)

Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 23.

12 CONTINUED:
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WADE:

I don’t take the shits. I just disturb

them.

Weasel allows himself a tiny conspiratorial SMILE.

SMASH CUT TO:

13 INT. SISTER MARGARET’S - NIGHT 13

WADE, in medium shot, TEARING UP at the famous Steven Seagalbar fight from ‘OUT FOR JUSTICE’ on T.V. as... SMACK...

BAM... a REAL bar fight goes on - OUT OF FOCUS - behind him.

WADE:

(trailer voice)

It's a dirty job... but someone's gotta

take out the garbage.

Wade finally turns around to watch. BUCK finishes off

Boothe... then pours the BLOW-JOB on top of him.

WEASEL grabs a hand mirror, hops over the bar, and crosses toBoothe. All the PATRONS fall HUSH as WEASEL holds the mirror

to Boothe’s mouth. Boothe’s BREATH FOGS it up.

WEASEL:

Still kicking.

The place ‘oooooohs.’ Near miss. Weasel returns to his

place behind the bar, looking disappointed.

WADE:

Lemme guess. Ya got Boothe in Sister

Margaret’s dead pool.

WEASEL:

Um. See. About that-

WADE:

You did not bet on me to die.

(looks up at board,

incredulous)

You bet on me to die.

Wade leans back and looks up at an ENORMOUS CHALKBOARDhanging above the bar: ‘Sister Margaret’s DEAD POOL.’

Below, a long LIST of NAMES. DOLLAR AMOUNTS to the right ofthe names. More NAMES to the right of the dollars.

Indeed, ‘WEASEL’ has chosen ‘WADE.’ Wade looks betrayed.

(CONTINUED)

Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 24.

13 CONTINUED:
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WADE (CONT’D)

Weasel, you’re the world’s worst friend.

Joke’s on you. I’m living to 102. Like

those old Quaker biddies on the TodayShow. And retiring on my winnings.

WEASEL:

Wait, who did you pick?

Weasel looks up a the board, where ‘WADE’ has claimed:

‘BIEBER, J.’

WADE:

The Biebs. But I’m probably wrong.

Nothing bad ever happens to teen starswho make 80 mil a year and think they’reimmune to the pitfalls of addiction and

consequence. He’ll be fine.

(raises shot, yells)

Drinks on me, soldiers of fortune!

MERCENARIES:

Hooah!

VANESSA:

Whoa, whoa...

Wade turns to see a woman on his other side: VANESSA.

Brunette. Silver-blue eyes. Tank. Tiny jean-shorts.

VANESSA (CONT’D)

Sure you wanna shoot your whole wad?

Wade looks Vanessa all the way up and down... then holds uphis PINKIE.

WADE:

Tight.

Vanessa raises her own pinkie. Shakes like a pinkie swear.

VANESSA:

Vanessa.

WADE:

What’s a nice place like you doing in agirl like this?

BUCK (O.S.)

It ain’t what she’s doing, it’s who.

BUCK walks past and SLAPS Vanessa on the caboose.

(CONTINUED)

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BUCK (CONT’D)

I’d hit that sh*t.

Wade pushes back his stool, stands menacingly.

WADE:

Buck, you’d best apologize, before-

But Vanessa doesn’t wait for Wade’s chivalry. She blows

right by him and grabs a fistful of Buck’s crotch. Buck

gasps.

WADE (CONT’D)

Yeah, that.

VANESSA:

(to Buck)

Say the magic words, Fat Gandalf.

BUCK:

I’m sorry! I have no filter between mybrain and mouth. I’m working on it.

Wade takes Vanessa’s shoulders.

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