Deadpool Page #4

DEADPOOL (CONT’D)

One.

BOOM! We’re with the FINAL BULLET as it HURTLES from the gunand passes THROUGH the first man’s head... then the SECOND

man’s head... and SMACKS the third man in the forehead.

This third man, the BIGGEST THUG YET, HITS the DECK.

Deadpool puts his mouth to his pistol barrel, INHALES... andthen EXHALES smoke through the pores of his mask.

DEADPOOL (CONT’D)

I’m touching myself tonight.

But then, as if by magic, the third thug STIRS... and STANDS.

The SLUG has LODGED partway in his FOREHEAD, having lost just

enough momentum that it didn’t make it all the way through.

The thug sneers, plucks out the slug, wipes away some blood,

and rolls up his SLEEVES.

DEADPOOL (CONT’D)

Really? Rolling up the sleeves?

Deadpool reaches back. We hear the THRILLING SOUND...

(CONTINUED)

Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 15.

9 CONTINUED:
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...of STEEL BLADES being DRAWN. Out come Deadpool’sTRADEMARK KATANAS. The thug’s eyes widen as...

...SWOOSH... the blades swing through the air and SKEWER him,

between two different ribs and out the BACK.

DEADPOOL (V.O.)

I know what you’re thinking...

The action SLOWS again to a FREEZE. Deadpool is in mid-

slice, muscles bulging.

DEADPOOL (V.O.)

I’ll bet he works out. So what if I am

pulling the double shift at the ab-

factory? What if I do want my man menu

to feature the shredded beef? Call it

insecurity. But I haven’t touched a carb

since...

10 INT. FOYER, TOWNHOUSE - NIGHT - PAST 10

Title:
6 Years Ago

A sleazy, mid-thirties MAN, GAVIN MERCHANT, decked out inDRAGON PRINT V-NECK and STUDDED JEANS, is MID-ARGUMENT with a

late teen, pimply-faced PIZZA DELIVERY GUY, whose name-tagreads: JEREMY.

MERCHANT:

Will it help if I slow down? I didn’t.

Order. The pizza.

JEREMY:

This 7348 Red Ledge Drive?

(off nod)

And you’re... Mr. Merchant?

MERCHANT:

The Mr. Merchant who didn’t. Order.

The. F***ing. Pie.

JEREMY:

Then who placed the call?

A TOILET flushes in another room, and both men turn.

WADE (O.S.)

I did.

(CONTINUED)

Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 16.

10 CONTINUED:
10

The VOICE comes from over Merchant’s shoulder. WADE WILSON

(the future DEADPOOL, MINUS the SCARS and SUIT), handsome,

boyish, cheerily steps from through a doorway and into theliving room wiping his hands on a towel.

Merchant STARES, incredulous.

WADE (CONT’D)

Pineapple and olive?

Jeremy NODS.

WADE (CONT’D)

Sweet and salty.

MERCHANT:

The f*** are you? And what are you doingin my crib?!

Without even turning toward Merchant, Wade PULLS OUT A .50CALIBER DESERT EAGLE PISTOL and nonchalantly AIMS it at him.

Merchant and Jeremy both go pale.

WADE:

(to Jeremy)

Burnt crust?

JEREMY:

God I hope not.

(opens the box, winces)

Words cannot express-

WADE:

Relax, son, that’s hows I likes it! Once

you go black, you never go back!

(takes pizza)

MERCHANT:

(stammering)

This is about the poker game, right? I

told Howie... Listen, take whatever youwant!

Merchant fumbles with his wallet and starts to hand Wade the

bills inside. Wade takes the ENTIRE WALLET instead.

WADE:

Thanks!

JEREMY:

(to Wade)

Uh. Sir? Before you do anything to him.

Could I have a big tip?

(CONTINUED)

Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 17.

10 CONTINUED:
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WADE:

(already munching)

Jeremy, is it?

JEREMY:

Yeah.

WADE:

Wade Wilson.

(quick fist bump)

Jeremy, that’s a no go on the tiperoo.

I’m not here for him.

(levels gun at Jeremy)

I’m here for you.

Jeremy’s eyes widen. Wade holds up a YELLOW CARD, featuringan embedded SIM. Below the logo of a CYPRESS TREE is thename of Wade’s intended target: ‘GARRETT, JEREMY.’

Merchant breathes a sigh of relief.

MERCHANT:

Dodged a big time bullet on that o-

Wade PISTOL-PUNCHES/POKES Merchant in the forehead. Merchant

howls.

WADE:

(re:
studded jeans)

Not out of the woods yet. You need to

seriously ease up on the bedazzling.

They’re jeans, not a chandelier.

(sniffs)

And the Axe body spray.

JEREMY:

(sheepish)

That’s unfortunately me.

WADE:

PS, I’m keeping your wallet. Ya did

kinda give it to me...

MERCHANT:

Can I at least have my Sam’s Club cardbaaa-

Wade points the pistol at Merchant again, sending himbackpedaling into a chair.

WADE:

I will shoot your f***ing cat.

(CONTINUED)

Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 18.

10 CONTINUED:
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MERCHANT:

I don’t have a cat!

WADE:

Then whose kitty-litter did I just shitin?

(turns to Jeremy)

Anyhoo, you by chance know a MeghanOrlovsky? Getting that right? Orlovsky?

Orloskvy? Do you?

Jeremy manages a timid little NOD.

WADE (CONT’D)

Good. ‘Cause she knows you.

Wade holsters the pistol and WHIPS out a HUNTING KNIFE. He

twirls it adeptly... but instead of holding it to Jeremy’sneck... CUTS himself a SLICE of PIZZA.

WADE (CONT’D)

What situation isn’t improved by pizza?

Wade shovels half the slice into his mouth, revealing an ArmySPECIAL FORCES TATTOO on his forearm: A SKULL WEARING A

GREEN BERET, BACKED BY A BLADE, AND THE WORDS ‘DE OPPRESSO

LIBER’ (official motto of the U.S. Army Special Forces).

WADE (CONT’D)

(through chews)

Jeremy, I belong to a group of guys who

take a dime to beat a fella down.

(cuts another pizza slice)

Little Meghan’s not made of money, butlucky her, I’ve got a soft spot.

Wade brings the next pizza slice over to Merchant. Wade

nearly hands it to him but lets go too soon. The slice falls

flat - pineapple down - onto the floor at Merchant’s feet.

JEREMY:

B-but I’m-

WADE:

(returns to Jeremy)

A stalker. Threats hurt, Jer. Thoughnot nearly as bad as serrated steel.

Wade pokes the end of his knife into Jeremy’s chest, pinninghim against the wall.

WADE (CONT’D)

So keep away from Meghan. We cool?

(CONTINUED)

Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 19.

10 CONTINUED:
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JEREMY:

Y-yeah.

A beat. In a huge ANTI-CLIMAX, Wade deftly twirls his knifeAWAY from Jeremy’s chest, SPINS it on his finger, and JAMS itback into its SLEEVE.

WADE:

Then we’re done.

JEREMY:

W-we are?

WADE:

Soft spot, remember? But even look in

her general direction again? You’ll

learn in the worst of ways.

(pats Jeremy’s cheek)

I’ve got some hard spots too.

(pauses)

That came out wrong. Or did it?

11 EXT. SKATE PARK - NIGHT - PAST 11

SKATE PUNKS carve on ramps built into the sides of a highwayunderpass. A group of TEEN GIRLS are perched at the bottomof the nearby stairs, texting each other from inches away.

An old-fashioned GHETTO BLASTER bangs ‘SHOOP.’

SALT & PEPA

I love you in your big jeans.

GIRLS:

(join chorus)

You give me nice dreams. You make me

wanna scream...

Boom. A PIZZA BOX lands at their feet. On top of it lands aPOLAROID PICTURE.

WADE (O.S.)

"Oooo, oooo, oooo!"

A FRIZZY-HAIRED EMO GIRL picks up the Polaroid... of aterrified JEREMY holding another pizza box that has been cut

into a heart, the words ‘I’m Sorry’ scrawled onto it, a PEESTAIN

on his JEANS, and a laughing WADE photo-bombing withthe knife to his neck. She looks UP to see:

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