Deadpool 2 Page #5

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Bred into it.

Okay.

People think

they understand pain.

What's the most pain

you've ever felt?

These restraints are pretty...

I've got a list.

We're gonna work down it.

Together.

Number one,

I'm gonna bend something.

Something that was not

meant to bend.

I'm gonna stop you right there

because I'm not gonna

make it to two.

I won't even make it to one.

I don't do well with pain,

you know.

If I stub my toe,

I'm done for the day.

I cried when

they canceled Felicity.

When I get really scared,

I get nervous erections.

I have one right now.

Don't look.

It'll only make it worse.

I don't want you to hurt me,

and I'll tell you

anything you wanna know.

Except for where they are.

Russell's in a convoy

heading southbound

on Gerry Duggan Parkway.

The monster's with them.

I wouldn't f*** with him.

You all know the plan.

Intercept the convoy,

grab the boy.

But not inappropriately!

You know what,

I wouldn't f*** with

Deadpool either.

Because he's built a team.

He's unstoppable.

He has an ass pen.

He'll stab you with it.

Watch out for this guy, Cable!

He's very short, 5'11".

Not like in the comics.

And if we succeed,

we all go home early.

So if you go after

them, Cable, I warn you...

there's a wind advisory

in effect.

A little turbulent up here.

I don't know much

about this Cable fella...

but I guarantee he hasn't killed

as many people as melanoma has.

We're getting close!

As a former X-Man...

- Trainee.

- Thank you, Bedlam.

I was always appalled

by the blatant sexism

in the group's name.

X-Men! Men!

The point is, our group

will be forward thinking.

Gender neutral.

From now on,

we'll be known as...

X-Force.

Isn't that a little derivative?

I don't recall asking

your opinion, Peter!

That wasn't me.

Hang the laundry out

at 1,300 feet...

intercept the convoy,

and grab the boy.

Let's bring on

the carnage, baby!

Get me on the ground,

watch me go!

Yeah!

I can't wait to kill!

Hey! Hey! Hey!

I just wanna say

how proud I am of this team.

You know, you guys look amazing!

Vanisher, I have no doubt

you look amazing too.

This is the family

that I've always dreamed

of having and I...

Ah, sh*t.

I just get a little

choked up sometimes.

I hate to interrupt,

but is anybody nervous

about the high winds?

- Gary.

- My name's Peter.

I realize that you're new

to this, but relax.

You've been chosen

by a higher power.

- Did he just call himself God?

- I think he did.

- I'd like to go home.

- And I'd like...

the McRib to be available

year round,

but sometimes

dreams don't come true.

I spent 10 years

in Special Forces.

You think we didn't

jump out of the plane

because of a light breeze?

You're in this sh*t now,

Mustache!

I'm only yelling

to impress the other guys.

I'd never let anything

happen to you, Sugarbear.

Leonard, hit it!

Go! Go! Go!

Let's get some!

Whoo!

Oh, yeah!

Convoy, 12 o'clock!

On my command!

Deploy! Oh, hey now!

Whoa!

Little off course here.

Holy mommy f***ing sh*t!

Ah, there they are.

Look at these gorgeous

sons of b*tches.

Oh, yeah! That's right, Bedlam!

No! Tripping

motherfucking billies!

Shatterstar. Okay, you got this.

Left!

Left!

No, stage left, you idiot!

Well, I guess we found something

you're not better at.

Vanisher.

Maybe the wind can't blow

what it can't see.

Oh! Really?

All right,

we could do this with four.

Sugarbear. You got this, buddy!

That's the stuff!

That's the X-Force spirit!

Never underestimate

a man with a mustache!

Just ask anyone in Brooklyn.

We did it!

You're a goddamn superhero, you!

X-Force!

X-Force.

Oh!

Peter.

I got you, buddy!

- You're gonna be fine!

- This is not good, man!

You got this, big guy!

Here we go, Peter!

Look at me.

We're X-Force, right?

- Yeah, we're X-Force.

- We're X-Force.

Oh, my God! What the f***?

F***ing acidic vomit!

Oh, God! I'm gonna throw up

in my mask.

Okay, I'm over the convoy.

Where did the rest

of the team land?

Good news and bad news.

Bad news is

the whole team is dead.

The good news is,

I don't think anyone's

gonna miss Shatterstar.

He was a bit of a prick.

Oh, but Paul!

Peter!

Peter, I'm gonna miss him most.

But there is a slight chance

Vanisher could make it.

- -Nope, no chance. He's dead.

The whole team?

Only the main ones.

We're still good.

F***, you are dumb.

Even after all this time,

I still can't talk about it.

Who knew these winds

would be so strong?

Everyone!

Everyone on the helicopter!

And everyone

not on the helicopter!

They're headed into the tunnel.

I'm that kid's only hope,

so sit tight

and wait for my word.

Whatever.

We're gonna lose 'em.

I'm dropping in.

Uh, that's

a negative, sole survivor.

Luck is not a superpower!

We are so f***ed!

No, we most certainly

are not f***ed.

Seriously, I don't get it!

What, you shoot luck lasers

out of your eyes?

It's just it's hard to picture.

And certainly

not very cinematic.

I mean, luck?

What coked out,

glass pipe-sucking

freakshow comic book artist...

came up

with that little chestnut?

Probably a guy

who can't draw feet!

Once again, it all falls

on my shoulders.

It's why I'm cursed to be

a solo act.

- Wander the Earth...

- I'm in.

I'm sorry, what did you say?

I'm in.

How in the f***

are you in already?

Oh, sh*t.

It's Cable. 12 o'clock.

Okay.

New plan. Use all of your

imaginary powers

to stop Cable

from killing that kid.

I'm coming up on your six.

That gun is amazing!

Hey! A**hole!

Where is he? I can't see him.

He's on top of you.

He's going in through the back!

Oh, God, he's inside!

You hear yourself, right?

Accidental double entendres!

Russell! Russell Collins!

Hands off that kid, John Connor!

No, no, no!

Sh*t!

Two can play that game!

Got it! No, I don't.

Showtime, mama!

Lady Luck, take the wheel.

I'd ask who you are, but

you'll be dead in a second.

I'm Domino, and doubtful.

Hang in there, Doms!

Oh, this is really hard.

And give me back

my Skee-Ball token.

- You're doing great.

- X-Force.

I guess dubstep never dies.

Whoo!

You killed Black Tom,

you racist son of a b*tch!

That's unfortunate.

We got no brakes!

Figure it out!

There's nothing I can't kill.

Ooh.

Somebody knows karate.

Give me your best shot,

One-Eyed Willy.

Ow.

Here we go.

Domino, mind slowing us down?

Here goes nothing.

Knock, knock.

That's my boy.

Holy...

I'll be first to admit...

this did not go

according to plan.

I'll also be the first

to admit that

that plan was written in crayon.

Looks like Russell found

a new friend. Jelly.

Turns out Domino's

a bit of a badass,

and maybe,

possibly mildly lucky.

But Cable? Ugh.

That guy's in a mood.

A mood that is

about to get

significantly worse.

Something is so terribly,

terribly wrong.

Oh.

Oh, God, that hurt.

Russell.

Russell!

Russ, where are ya?

Russell. Russell, you're okay!

Oh, thank God. Oh, my God!

Juggernaut!

I thought that was you!

I should've worn my white pants.

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