Deadpool 2 Page #7

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If we can get to him

before that happens...

promise you'll give me a chance

to put him on a different path.

Define "chance."

I don't know.

How long does it take

to save someone's soul?

That's not...

I'll give you 30 seconds.

- What? No!

- Best I can do.

Take it or leave it.

He's doing it!

Look at the little fella.

He's doing it.

There he goes.

Jesus Christ!

Just shirt-cocking it.

Ugh.

There you go, little fella.

Go on, you're doing it!

My beautiful, hairless,

Twizzler-legged baby boy.

Christ!

That's disturbing.

30 seconds.

- Deal.

- Deal.

I have no idea what's happening.

Probably for the best.

And that is why

you never eat a raw starfish.

It's just common sense.

Where the hell are we going?

You said it yourself.

Nothing can stop the Juggernaut.

We need backup.

I will bathe in the blood

of your enemies.

Can you turn off the music?

You'll do no such thing.

Why don't you just say it

in an Indian accent?

What the hell are you...?

Once again, intolerance rears

its ugly head.

I am so sorry. It gets better.

I'm not a f***ing racist, moron!

Tell that to Black Tom.

He was like a brother to me.

I'm with the old white guy

on this one.

And that's a twist.

So what exactly do you

do in the future, anyway, huh?

Some kind of soldier?

Yeah, something like that.

I was a soldier. Special Forces.

I bet 50 years from now,

we're bestest buddies.

50 years from now,

you're very dead.

Your entire generation f***ed

this planet into a coma.

Boom!

Spoiler alert.

Planets.

Next time, Uber.

Here's a spoiler alert.

You're not a f***ing hero.

You're just an annoying clown

dressed up as a sex toy.

Well, I got news for you.

My heart is in the right place.

Russell's not gonna kill anyone.

Because of me, he's gonna know

what real love looks like.

Because of you, I'll always know

what a grown man

with baby balls looks like.

I'm a grower, not a shower.

I should've finished college.

Right here!

I made mistakes!

I wanna take them back!

You trusted me.

I took that trust...

and turned it into a glory hole

in an airport bathroom.

The one in Minneapolis.

You know the one.

Colossus!

I wouldn't ask for your help

unless it was life or death!

That kid needs our help!

I know you're listening!

He's teamed up

with the Juggernaut!

The Juggernaut!

That's like my favorite

Marvel character ever,

but you should never

meet your heroes...

because, honestly,

he's a bit of a dick!

And like a lot of d*cks,

he's as hard as a rock...

and causes nothing but problems!

- Hi, Wade!

- Hi, Yukio!

Please don't.

You guys make

a super cute couple.

Yeah. Where was I? Oh, yeah!

Colossus! Look, I don't deserve

your friendship or your help.

But this kid does.

And I'm not gonna bail on him

like everyone else.

Oh, come on!

Any chance Pigeon Wings

is available?

That's just fine! That's fine!

No! You know what?

Doing the right thing

is sometimes messy...

and f***ed up, and not

particularly convenient!

So stay here

in Chateau de Virgin...

while we go get our f*** on!

You're doing great.

So you wear that helmet because

your brother

tries to read your mind?

Yeah, but he's in

a wheelchair, so even-steven.

Someone's coming.

It's Russell, sir.

He's not alone.

Secure the children.

What do you say

we go f*** some sh*t up?

"Let's f*** some sh*t up"

is my legal middle name.

Watch my back.

I've got the old man.

Amen, brother.

Time to make the chimichangas.

30 seconds.

I finally know why I'm here.

I was raised in this place.

Well, not raised.

I was tortured.

Wow! It's your cosmic reason

for being here.

- Shall we?

- This is gonna be fun.

Yeah!

Hey! Been meaning to ask you...

what's with the creepy,

dirty hobo bear?

It's not dirt. It's the blood

of my dead daughter.

I have a gluten sensitivity.

So one glass of wine, I just...

Yeah.

Wish we could head back in time,

and I could take all that back.

We should just cue the music.

Welcome home, Russell.

We missed you.

Russell!

You don't need to do this!

Let's talk!

Why are you dressed

like the Unabomber?

That's why!

Told you this little f***er's

too far gone.

Zip it, Thanos! We have

a deal and you f***...

Hey!

I'm gonna shove that

cab driver right up your ass.

My body and my hands

are so soft.

You should probably

head back to the car.

I think I'll head

back to the car.

It works best

when you pull the trigger.

That gun is amazing!

Say it!

You are an abomination!

Now, I'm gonna shove

the red guy up the old guy.

I believe him!

Every man for themselves!

Gotcha!

Beat it, midget!

Hey, big guy,

the sun's getting real low!

Oh, sh*t f***!

Come here, beautiful.

Say it!

You came for me.

I'm not giving up on you,

and you are not

giving up on that boy.

Who says that rules

aren't meant to be broken?

It's time to fight dirty.

Time to sweep the leg, Johnny.

Hey! Pick on someone

your own size!

That's such a you thing to say!

Go get him, tiger!

Big CGI fight coming up!

He's doing great.

Say it!

- Russell.

- Bingo!

That's right!

I'm fighting dirty!

Oh, great!

There they are! Those freaks!

A bunch of armed

pedophiles in nursing shoes.

Can I have one of those guns?

- No.

- That's fine.

Get off this property,

mutant scum!

I'm just gonna use this brick.

Maximum effort.

Who says you can't

go home again?

Oh!

Yeah!

Say it.

Say what you said

every time you tortured me!

Say it!

Blessed are the wicked

who are healed by my hand!

Blessed are the wicked...

who are healed...

by my hand.

You commie motherf***er!

Oh, my God.

Did you feel that, too?

Only best buddies

execute pedophiles together.

You got 30 seconds,

you jabbering butt plug!

Now we're getting it.

I need a bus

to get you all out of here.

Orphans.

Oh, geez.

It's time to burn

for what you've done!

A child should not be burdened

with such power!

Russell! Wait!

Oh!

Wait! He hasn't killed

anyone yet!

- What more do you need to see?

- Don't you f***ing dare!

He's just a kid!

Tick, tock. Meter's running!

I'm gonna melt you down

and make a cock ring.

- I told you! Leave me alone!

- Come on!

Listen to me!

That's how we do it

in Mother Russia.

They say millennials are

the hardest to reach.

Oh, no. You're doing amazing.

Damn, it feels good

to be a gangsta!

Go home, Wade!

You're ruining everything!

I'm getting good at this sh*t.

Go, go, go!

He dies tonight, Wade.

You can't stop me!

He even runs

like a f***ing pervert.

Like an online predator

who lost his laptop.

There's one bullet left

in that gun.

Wait, wait, wait! Please,

just give me a second!

I got this.

- Russell!

- Stay back! Go home, Wade!

Let's talk. It doesn't

have to go this way!

That piece of sh*t...

he deserves to die

for what he did to you.

He hurt you badly.

Makes you wanna hurt others.

But if you kill him, he wins.

You become everything

he says you are, but worse.

You're just a kid.

You don't wanna hurt anyone.

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