Dealing with Intrusive Thoughts Page #5

[Logan]:
I'd say you just reek. FIGURATIVELY.

[Virgil]:
Also, literally, though.

[Thomas]:
*laughs*

[Patton]:
Ohhh, what do you have to say to that, Duke?

[Duke]:
E-Thank you? Reek is what I was going for.

[Patton]:
Well-

[Duke]:
I mean, my deodorant's flavor is Pickled Poo Logs.

[Logan]:
Flavor?

[Virgil]:
Deodorants don't have flavors, you don't eat deodorant.

[Duke]:
*chewing sounds* Maybe YOU don't.

[Thomas]:
Okay, I got one, guys. Since we call Roman "Princey', does that mean we should call you... "Dukey"?

*laughs*

[Duke]:
DUKEY?! I love it! Please do!

[Patton]:
*exhales*

[Thomas]:
Oy, okay, well there really is nothing you can say to him.

[Duke]:
Or you COULD just call me by my name... Remus.

[Logan]:
Hm.

[Thomas]:
You... you told me? Right off the bat? Just like that?

[Remus]:
Of course, I did, Dr. Seuss! I would never hide anything from you!

[Logan]:
The truth is, Remus, you don't get to me in the slightest.

[Patton]:
*whispered* Wow!

[Logan]:
Object impermanence renders you… pretty unintimidating.

[Remus]:
*sound of being punched* OOH!

[Logan]:
What's so frightening about something with no real-world impact?

[Remus]:
Oh, shut UP, nerdy Wolverine!

[Roman]:
*mumbling* How 'bout YOU shut up?

[Remus]:
You wouldn't know impact if it hit ya in the face!

*evil laugh*

*thud, groan*

[Thomas]:
*screams*

[Patton]:
YOU KILLED HIM!

[Thomas]:
He DOES make an impact!

[Logan]:
Does he?

[Thomas]:
*relieved sigh* Yeah, I would've gotten a full night's sleep if it weren't for him!

[Logan]:
Mm, lack of sleep can negatively affect your memory, it weakens your immune system, and it increases your risk of heart disease. And that's only some of the potential side effects.

[Thomas]:
Right. Y- exactly!

[Remus]:
Ooh, maybe I AM a little scary!

[Logan]:
However, your lack of sleep last night was the result of Virgil's reaction to Remus, not Remus himself.

[Thomas]:
So?

[Logan]:
So... the Duke only has power over you because Virgil and Patton believe that he does. Because you fear him. Without that, he'd have a much harder time hurting you.

[Remus]:
*sound of being punched* *groans*

[Logan]:
So, what do you think? Can we... logic our way out of this one?

[encouraging music swells]

[Thomas]:
I think we can!

[Logan]:
-Not really, no. There's no way to force intrusive thoughts out of your head. Please pay attention.

[Thomas]:
...s**t!

[Logan]:
That said, you can learn to better deal with intrusive thoughts.

[Remus]:
*demonic screech* Haha! My devious plan was a success! You were all momentarily distracted!

[Logan]:
...Anyway, this issue extends-

[Remus]:
Extends?! You remember that... erection medicine?

[Logan]:
*soft but aggravated sigh* This issue goes beyond taking Remus seriously. Another major concern is when you try too hard to make sense of him.

[Patton]:
But all of those horrible thoughts! I mean... they have to mean something!

[Logan]:
No, they don't. Virgil was right, not all thoughts are meaningful. Remus said it himself, and I'm sure he'll say it again...

[Remus]:
There is no rhyme or reason to what I do, I just do. A-skoodely-boo. Oh! maybe there is a rhyme. *laughs*

[Logan]:
If you aggressively interrogate Thomas about why the Duke said or did something, then you're only going to hurt Thomas. I mean, look at him now! He barely got any rest, due in large part to you two chastising him all night.

[Patton]:
I acted like a real... b-hole.

[Thomas]:
Wai-...Is- is he gone?!

[Logan]:
No, don't-

[Patton]:
I think he's gone!

[Remus]:
NAILS ON A CHALKBOARD!

*all screaming*

[Virgil]:
Ah, geez.

[Remus]:
Literally! Like, fingernails nailed to a chalkboard!

[Thomas]:
Oh my gosh, it got worse! I didn't think it could get worse!

*frustrated groan*

[Logan]:
...don't do that. Never check to see if you've successfully gotten rid of him.

[Thomas]:
Ugh! Why is Remus becoming such a... nuisance, right now?

[Logan]:
Well... How are you doing right now?

[Thomas]:
I don't know!... I'm fine.

[Logan]:
...Virgil, how's he doing?

[Virgil]:
He recently realized he's a bigger liar than he thought he was, he doesn't understand himself, he's committed to skipping a big callback, and he's sleep-deprived. So, yeah. He feels like a piece of dirt who has no control over his life.

[Thomas]:
...okay, yeah, that's- yeah.

[Logan]:
And THAT is precisely why the Duke feels like such a threat. In part, at least. The feeling that you may be a bad person who doesn't have control over yourself or your destiny causes you to fear that you may actually act on these thoughts.

[Remus]:
What if YOU... sniffed your DOG'S butt?

[Thomas]:
*sigh* Shut up.

[Virgil]:
I guess that makes sense. I mean, I sound the alarm whenever Roman suggests Thomas talk to a cute guy, so… it follows that I would have even more of a reaction to Remus' suggestions.

[Remus]:
Speaking of suggestions, when are you actually going to jump out of a moving car? I've been bringing it up for years. Still nothing.

[Thomas]:
Yeah, I'm actually pretty used to that one.

[Logan]:
But, to view the Duke's… contributions as "suggestions" is almost exaggerative. This issue is more of a matter of over-control than impulse control.

[Patton]:
So, it IS okay to jump out of a moving car?

[Logan]:
No. But it is okay if the thought of jumping out of a car happens to cross your mind.

[Patton]:
Okay. Well, we've heard a lot about what NOT to do... what CAN we do?

[Logan]:
Well, I'd imagine that you will now recognize many of the Duke's contributions AS intrusive thoughts. Which is actually really important. You must accept that these thoughts just ... happen. And, again, the substance of these thoughts typically provide no insight into your true character.

[Remus]:
Uh, p- POOPY!

[Logan]:
It's like if you had a child who, despite all of your best efforts, refuses to stop screaming on an airplane.

[Remus]:
POOPY!

[Logan]:
There's no out. Just accept it. They'll tire themself out in time, and you can better address the issue later. There's no rush for you.

[Remus]:
*sad* Poopy.

[Logan]:
It's okay. Just keep doing whatever you were doing before. The other passengers on the plane might become frustrated, and that's okay, too. Everything is okay.

[Thomas]:
Wow.

[Patton]:
That was amazing, Logan!

[Logan]:
And you can always talk to someone. Wegner, who I mentioned earlier, as well as psychologist James Pennebaker, found that subjects who talked about their thoughts often felt better emotionally and physically. According to one study, in the United States, roughly one in fifty people suffer from intrusive thoughts. So, you're not alone. And if you can't find a personal friend who will listen, or understand, then you should consider seeing a professional if the thoughts are really troubling you.

[Virgil]:
*disapproving noise*

[Thomas]:
Uh, I- I don't know.

[Logan]:
*sighs* If you have joint problems, you see a rheumatologist. If you have stomach problems, you see a gastroenterologist. And therefore, if you have mental health problems, you see...

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