Dealing with Intrusive Thoughts Page #4

[Patton]:
Okay, so… we just have to... fake it 'til we make it?

[Duke]:
OOH! Like how Thomas is going to imagine making a sandcastle out of Joan's ashes until he ACTUALLY gets to do it!

[Thomas]:
*cry-talking* STOP!

[Patton]:
NO! Like... how you fake being good at something until you are. And... This something is... being a good person?

[Thomas]:
But how do you fake not thinking about something?

[Virgil]:
Yeah, didn't we try that earlier when we talked about "Just Like Heaven"?

[everyone screams]

[Logan]:
Hmmm…

[Thomas]:
WHY?!

[Logan]:
In trying to distract yourself from those unwanted thoughts, you seem to have created a mental connection between 2005's "Just Like Heaven" and last night's intrusive thoughts, that wouldn't have otherwise existed.

[Duke]:
Uh oh! I'm here with the main characters from "Just Like Heaven"! David Abbott and Elizabeth Masterson! And I can do with them as I please!

[Thomas]:
NOOOO! NOT DAVID ABBOTT AND ELIZABETH MASTERSON!!!

[Virgil]:
You bastard!

*gasps*

[Virgil]:
Okay, you can't pretend that THAT isn't happening.

[Duke]:
*licking sounds* I'm about to smash the Hulk.

[Patton]:
Uh, y- uh... you can pretend on the outside!

[Virgil]:
What does that even mean?

[Patton]:
As long as these kinds of thoughts stay in Thomas's head...

[Duke]:
TURN INTO A GHOST!!!

[Patton]:
...then that's good enough for now.

[Duke]:
TURN INTO THE HULK!!!

[Thomas]:
Patton, of course, they would stay in my head! Why would I wanna do any of this in real life?

*screams* *thud*

[Virgil]:
You tell us! You're the one who's thinking about it!

[Duke]:
Yeah, I didn't make him throw the baby. I merely gave him a baby... and a large, sharp, knife...

[Logan]:
Not acting on every thought that he has isn't faking anything. I-I can't think of how one WOULD fake not doing something, other than by DOING something, and hiding that they're doing it.

[Duke]:
OOH! How fun! You know who could help us with that?

[Deceit's theme plays]

[Thomas]:
N- One of you is enough.

[Patton]:
No, you guys aren't understanding me. They would stay in Thomas' head because he would pretend like he never had the thoughts in the first place!

[Thomas]:
So... we're back to repression then? Logan said that that doesn't work!

[Patton]:
That's what repression is?

[Virgil]:
Well, what other options do we have?

[Thomas]:
Virgil, I don't want to do what he says!

[Virgil]:
You mean YOU don't wanna act on what YOU think!

[Logan]:
Virgil! Enough.

[Duke]:
Ugh, here we go, Virgil. Looks like Logan has reached his listening-to-others limit for the day.

[Logan]:
This is not about me wanting to be listened to. You all are not listening to Thomas. What he's saying is worth noting.

[Virgil]:
But what if he's lying?

[Logan]:
I can assure you he's not. You're just para- expressing an unhealthy amount of concern. Thank you for being on-guard. But for now, you must listen.

[Thomas]:
*sighs* You have to believe me, Virge. Patton. I am not AT ALL enticed by anything the Duke is saying. I do not identify with anything about him!

[Duke]:
Dress me up however you want, Thomas. I can be covert if you'd like!

[Logan]:
*sighs* Psychologist Dr. Norman Epstein once said, “If a thought like that pops into your head, but you're not bothered by it at all, THAT could be a problem.” Does Thomas seem bothered to you?

[Patton]:
He does.

[Virgil and Duke]: (in unison) But what about Jeffrey Dahmer?

[Duke]:
He was pretty bothered too.

[Logan]:
*sighs* He certainly was bothered. As a child. And he outgrew those feelings. Thomas is still distraught by his forbidden thoughts as an adult. Furthermore, Jeffrey Dahmer went on to murder innocent people. Say, how many people have YOU murdered, Thomas?

[Thomas]:
None.

[Patton]:
Well, THAT can't be where the bar is.

[Logan]:
Patton, you of all sides should know that it isn't. Thomas, you're a religious man, correct?

[Thomas]:
Uhh... yeah, but... there have been plenty of bad religious people throughout history.

[Logan]:
Well, I cannot argue with that. Religion is not perfect. But when it is not abused, piety is just as valid as the innumerable other ways to live a principled life. To the best of your ability, you try to live your life based on a moral code set by your faith, correct? "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you", "Love thy neighbor as thyself", et cetera.

[Thomas]:
Umm… yeah.

[Logan]:
"Thou shalt not kill" is one such principle. But it certainly couldn't be said that THAT'S where the figurative bar has been set.

[Virgil]:
Couldn't all this talk of religion create a connection between Thomas' beliefs and his intrusive thoughts?

[Duke]:
Careful, Virgil! You're giving me ideas!

[Logan]:
Actually, Virgil, Thomas's faith and his relationship with the Duke are, and always have been, inextricable.

[Patton]:
Uhh... *laughs nervously* I don't know about all that!

[Logan]:
Thomas' Catholic upbringing has instilled in him that thought is a precursor to action. Consider some of the seven deadly sins. Greed, pride, envy, lust, wrath. Five of the seven deadly sins are committed in your head. There's a reason why the Duke has continuously used religious language. He's playing to your sensitivities. *sighs* It's fine if you disapprove of toxic thinking. But you can't banish any and all unpleasant thoughts when there's a constant stream of thoughts going through your head at all times. The Duke was right.

[Duke]:
What?

[Logan]:
Not only does repression not work, but it can be very bad, indeed. I understand that your natural human reaction, when you see something disturbing, is to look away. But, if you let me examine the Duke's contributions, then I could expose him for being unrealistic, and figuratively dress him down.

[Duke]:
Oh! Well if that's what you wanted, Logan, *pants unzip* you could've just said so!

[Logan]:
Uh-uh-uh-uh. I said... FIGURATIVELY. And that is why I say it. *clapping repeatedly* THAT IS WHY I SAY IT!

[Virgil]:
Hm.

[Logan]:
The real problem here isn't the disgusting drivel coming from the Duke.

[Duke]:
Ooh~! Thank you for the alliterative regards, Logan! I LOVE being given two D's at once!

[Virgil]:
Okay, then what is the real problem, Logan?

[Logan]:
...It's you.

[Duke]:
Uh-oh! Looks like the cat's out of the ball bag! Despite his best efforts, Virgil could never stop being the bad guy!

[Logan]:
Oh! And, uh, Patton.

[Duke]:
Record scratch?!!

[Virgil]:
Patton?

[Thomas]:
How?

[Logan]:
He's being too strict. Oh, my goodness... PATTON is being too strict? It's not me for once? What does that mean? Am I cool? Does this make me cool? Am I being COOL?!

[Duke]:
*hissing noise*

*popping noises*

[Thomas]:
Oh my gosh!

[Logan]:
(lisping) My teeth?

[Duke]:
Yeah.

[Logan]:
(still lisping) I thought you said-

[Duke]:
I changed my mind. I'm unpredictable like that. I bet that really gets to you, huh, Logan? The opposite of rationality. There is no rhyme or reason to what I do. I just do! And what I DO is wreak havoc!

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