Dear Dictator Page #6

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Damn it.

I'm sorry! I'm not a spy!

I'm not a spy! I'm not a spy!

I was concerned about Tatiana.

I thought there might be trouble

at home,

so I called Child Protective Services,

and they told me...

Wait a minute.

You called Child Services on me?

W-Well, no. Well, yeah.

No, I thought when you refused

to discuss the situation,

I thought it was a red flag, so I...

But now I can see everything...

Everything's perfectly normal.

You were spying on me?

What? Take my camera.

I'll tear up the report! It's all good!

Mom, no! Mom, stop it!

Mom, wait! Stop, stop!

Have you gone completely batshit?

What the f***, Mom?

Stop it! Let him go!

Did you think I'm a bad mother?

I'm a seriously bad mother!

I'm sorry. I got the wrong man.

What the hell is wrong with you people?

Fraud.

Excuse me?

I didn't hear what you said.

You are a fraud.

A fraud is someone who is pretending

to be something he isn't.

I am what I am.

A man with a past,

and certainly a man with a future.

Yeah. Torturing innocent dudes

in suburbia.

What an awesome future.

It's better that a man loses his head

than a country loses a war.

What war?

Don't you get it? The war is over.

The war is never over.

There's no one left to fight.

What are you gonna do,

blow up my school?

I am a rebel, and I will keep going

until someone stops me.

You think you're gonna be that someone?

My daughter Chloe and I are estranged.

I can see why.

And she was engaged to a man

who we suspected of treason.

A dissident.

A threat to the state.

And my daughter was in love with him.

So what did you do?

I had him executed...

and my daughter spent three years

in prison.

You must have the courage

to do what you believe in,

even if it hurts the ones that you love.

Do you have

that kind of courage, Tatiana?

Do you?

That's sad.

I thought you were a rebel,

but you're just a punk.

Some jackwagon egged our house.

It has been decades

since these island people

have seen a free and fair election.

Turnout at the polls

is said to be 90 percent,

and the mood on the streets is jubilant.

It's almost as if

the outcome doesn't matter,

as long as Anton Vincent

isn't the winner.

Want some brekkie?

We have, like, six different kinds

of sugar cereal, and doughnuts.

These ones are really good.

Oh, we got a lot left too.

Anton?

Anton! Anton, stop!

Anton! Anton! Anton! Anton, stop!

Anton!

Hi.

I am so sorry. I did not mean that.

- It's OK.

- I am such a klutz.

- I'm so sorry.

- It's OK.

- I am really sorry.

- It's fine.

- Dude, he's gonna jump!

- Who's jumping?

- Denny.

- Denny? Denny!

Oh, sh*t. He's gonna jump!

- Denny!

- I have broken divine law!

I have disobeyed my father.

- Denny, get down.

- I realise that by taking my own life,

I am committing a second mortal sin.

That's OK.

The left leg of hell is too good for me.

I want to go all the way to the stomach,

where the worst people go!

Denny, stop!

No!

What is wrong with you? Stop it!

Ow! Ow!

Ow, ow, ow, ow!

Ow. This hurts.

Ow! My legs, uh, I think they're broken.

Ow. Ow. Ow.

Somebody call 911.

What's with all the hoopla?

Denny tried to kill himself.

He jumped off the roof.

Of the school?

That's not even two storeys.

That's why he didn't die,

he just broke a bunch of bones.

- Not the sharpest knife, is he?

- Mom, stop.

- Guess what.

- What?

Anton thinks that

I could actually become a real dentist.

- Oh, does he?

- Yeah.

I guess in his country,

there's more doctors per capita

than anywhere in the world.

Can you believe it?

That's 'cause all the idiots who get

rejected for med school here go there.

Why do you have to be such a downer?

Anton thinks that I can do it, and...

I feel really good

about my knowledge of teeth.

Anton is a liar.

I looked him up on Wikipedia, OK?

He is not the great revolutionary

he claims to be.

- Don't say that.

- Did you know he was handed the job

from his dictator dad?

And this whole rebel thing?

That's bullshit.

He fought one battle in the mountains

from a helicopter.

Oh, Christ. I'm not even speeding.

Think they're looking for Anton?

They tracked his eight zillion emails,

it wouldn't be a shocker.

I thought you were being careful.

I was being careful.

He's the one on the internet 24-7.

You're supposed to be helping him.

He doesn't know the internet

like you do.

If they don't have their flashers on,

I don't have to pull over, right?

- Mom.

- That's the law, right?

Just pull in and act normal.

I picked up some ingredients for fried

bananas. See, the secret's in the oil.

- See how it caramelises?

- Hm-hmm.

Smell it.

Hmm.

They're all over the place.

Anton, I told you.

We have to hide you.

Come on.

- Oh, my God! What are we gonna do?

- Darlene, I am not afraid to face them.

They will extradite me

and my people will welcome me home.

- Please, Anton, just stay inside.

- Mom, stop it.

I don't want you to go out there.

- Let him go! You'll get us all killed!

- Shh!

Exit the house with your hands raised.

This is your final warning.

Come out of the house now.

Sir, he's standing there

with his arms raised!

Ma'am, remain inside.

Well, what more do you want from him?

We don't want the grandpa,

we want the girl.

What girl?

Tatiana Louise Miles.

- What did you do?

- I didn't do anything.

Come out now,

or we're coming in.

"Check it out, homies.

Hashtag slutbag,

hashtag druggie in da howze."

That was your email.

Anton sent that. I would

never hashtag in an email. No one would.

Excuse me?

That e-blast was sent

from your daughter's computer.

Well, how do you know she sent it?

Somebody else could've sent it.

It's unlikely.

OK, let's say she did send it...

which she didn't,

but let's say she did,

is it a crime to send an email?

That depends on the content.

Two teens in bed?

- Both over 18, perv.

- Under covers. You can't see anything.

Did you know your daughter secretly

idolised Anton Vincent, the dictator?

She wrote

as many as five letters to him,

letters she believed he was answering.

You used this very computer

to try to contact Vincent's associates,

known arms dealers.

Your hard drive shows enquiries

about assault rifles,

shoulder-launched missiles,

anti-aircraft ordnance.

You think she was gonna use

anti-aircraft ordnance on the school?

It's possible.

There were battle plans in your garage,

detailing a revolution

against teachers and students.

No, that was a social revolution,

like in Mean Girls?

Miss Miles, I love Mean Girls

as much as the next guy.

I wish to God we could go back to a time

when Regina George

on diet pills was scary,

but those days are gone forever.

The Plastics aren't

a threat we care about.

Plastic explosives...

now, that's a threat.

So, tell us...

are you hiding weaponry?

No. I don't have any weaponry.

You surfed a website

called Commando Wholesale.

You bid on, and won,

a used Soviet T-72 tank!

- What are you hiding, little girl?

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