Dear Dracula Page #4

supposed to be?

- A vampire.

- Really?

That's the costume?

A pair of fangs? Uh...

- Just like the movies.

- (LAUGHS)

Go and talk to her.

She wants to be

your friend, Sam.

Tell her what a great party it is.

Anything.

But she's with that Kirk guy.

I'll take care of that.

When I give the signal,

you will approach Emma.

Just let me get rid of

that goon hanging around her.

Whoa!

Where'd you come from, dude?

Transylvania, of course.

Oh, Transylvania.

I hear they've got

a good football team.

(GROANS)

So, pally, tell me,

what are you supposed to me?

Duh!

I'm a vampire, dude.

What do I look like?

You look like a pretty boy

with a bad set of false teeth.

Well, that's what a vampire is.

What?! How insulting!

Vampires

are terrifying creatures

that strike fear in the hearts

of puny humans like you.

Whatever.

'Whatever'?

I'll give you 'whatever'.

Look into my eyes,

you silly vampire wannabe.

For the rest of the night,

I want you to dance around

and cluck like a chicken.

Understood?

(ZOMBIE-LIKE)

Dude, I will so dance around

and cluck like a chicken.

Excellent.

Now, go on.

(CLUCKS)

Oh, no, you don't, bug boy.

Emma doesn't need to be

creeped out by you, you weirdo.

Come on!

- (HISSES AND SNARLS)

- (SCREAMS)

Tarantula!

Ahhhh!

(LAUGHS)

Hey, Web, thanks again.

(BREATHES DEEPLY)

Hi, Emma.

Sam? Is that you?

- Uh-huh.

- You made it!

- Wow! Great costume.

- You too.

It looks like we both had

the same idea.

Yeah. I guess so.

I, uh... I... uh...

What is it, Sam?

Uh, I just wanted to say...

Come on, Sam, you can do it.

Show Emma your fangs.

Are you OK, Sam?

Sam, you might start

by saying to Emma

that, "You throw

one mean shindig."

Might I start by saying that

you throw one mean shindig.

(CHUCKLES)

Nobody says 'shindig' anymore.

Oh, I can't do it.

Not like this.

Look, Emma,

I wanted to say thank you

for inviting me to your party.

I know everyone thinks

I'm strange and a little creepy,

but I'm not.

Nice.

I don't think

you're creepy, Sam.

I think you're, uh... you.

You know, not afraid

to be yourself.

That's cool.

- You really think?

- Yeah, I do.

Hey, do you want to check out

the dance floor?

- Cool!

- It's in the backyard.

We have a DJ and everything.

(CLUCKS)

See, now, that's weird.

(SNIFFLES)

They grow up so quickly.

(LAUGHS)

Now it's time to sink my fangs

into Halloween!

- GIRL:
Whoo-hoo!

- (LAUGHTER)

I can't believe you love

horror movies too.

Yeah,

most people think it's weird

for a girl

to like horror films.

(CLUCKS)

There's just something

about the classics.

And it doesn't bother you

that my best friend's a spider?

(WEBBER CHITTERS)

Well, that is a little...

- Uh, I just...

- (LAUGHS) I'm kidding.

I'm kidding.

I think spiders rock.

(WHOOSH!)

Ladies and gentlemen,

it's time to announce our winners

for best costume.

For craziest costume and

staying in character all night,

the winner is Kirk.

- (CLUCKS)

- (OTHERS CHEER)

(SCOFFS) If it wasn't for me,

that chicken guy would've won

for lamest vampire costume.

And because it's Halloween,

the scariest costume

of the party

goes to the guy dressed as

that old-school vampire.

- No way!

- (APPLAUSE)

Show yourself, Count.

Who's got his bite back?

Count Dracula, that's who.

Hmm, I must make

a grand entrance.

Oh!

This is too good.

Has anyone seen

that classic vampire?

- Anyone?

- (DOOR CREAKS)

(BOOM!)

(SCARY CHORAL MUSIC)

Sam, look, it's the Count.

Look into my eyes, people.

You cannot escape

my hypnotic trance.

You're more frightened

than you've ever been.

Behold the scariest creature

to ever walk the earth,

I am Count Dracula!

(THUNDER BOOMS)

And I command you to scream!

(ALL SCREAM)

(CLUCKS)

Wait, wait, I wasn't finished.

I want you to scream,

"Happy Halloween!"

- (THUNDERCLAP)

- ALL:
Happy Halloween!

This is for my good friend Sam.

Thank you, Sam.

Who is he exactly?

Just my vampire friend,

Count Dracula.

I taught him

everything he knows.

(CHATTER AND LAUGHTER

CONTINUES)

Sam, I came here to pay you

a special visit

based on the letter you wrote.

Who knew our time together

would change my life forever?

You have inspired me to be

the very best vampire I can be.

Thank you for helping me

be proud of who I am.

Happy to help, Count.

And thanks for helping me.

So, what are you gonna do now?

Now I'm going to return home

to Transylvania.

It seems word travels fast.

Master's been invited

to Frankenstein's

for an exclusive monster party

at the mortuary.

It's been years since anyone

has invited me

to a 'morguesbord'.

(CAR HORN TOOTS)

Do you want me to help you

with your coffin?

The coffin? No, keep it.

You never know

when I'll be back.

Mirroe, why don't you take

the cab?

Yes, Master.

It's such a nice night -

I think I'll fly.

Goodbye, Sam, Emma,

little Webber and Grandma.

- Hey, what about Grams?

- (WEBBER CHITTERS)

She'll be fine

in a few minutes. Trust me.

(LAUGHS)

Well, I mustn't keep Master waiting.

Sam, I will miss you.

I will miss you all.

Now if I can just get the...

Ohh!

Farewell.

- 'Bye.

- 'Bye.

Oh, my! Where am I?

What's going on?

Grandma, you missed it.

You missed it all.

Count Dracula just left

with his henchman, Mirroe.

Oh, Sam,

you and your horror stories.

No, really, this was

the best Halloween ever.

- What... It's over?

- I'm afraid so.

The last thing I remember

was a knock at the door

and then that spooky

coffin salesman.

Did you go to Emma's party?

I sure did. It was the best.

(CHUCKLES)

Grams, can Emma come over

tomorrow

and watch the rest of

the monster movie marathon with us?

But of course, dear.

(BOTH LAUGH)

- You're it! (LAUGHS)

- Ah! Dang it!

- Gotcha!

- Oh, Sam, you got me.

- (LAUGHS)

- I'm gonna get you this time.

- You can't catch me.

- Run!

- (LAUGHS)

- OK.

(QUIRKY HORROR MUSIC)

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