Dear Dumb Diary Page #8

---

Angeline, what are you doing here?

I'm so glad you're here, Angeline.

You're just in time.

I have a little announcement to make.

I'd like to introduce you

to the future Mrs. Devon.

Carol and I are engaged!

Congratulations, Uncle Dan.

Uncle Dan?! Wait.

Does this mean Angeline and I

are going to be related?

I think it makes you

second cousins.

Or third.

Ah, I'm really not sure how it works.

Angeline knew

about this the whole time

and was taking some sick delight in it.

Maybe Angeline's not all bad.

But do I still have

to be related to her?!

It was as though nobody on Earth

could fully grasp the tragedy

of me being related to Angeline...

except maybe Stinker.

- Oh, that is worse than my meatloaf!

- Stinker!

That is worse than my meatloaf!

Ahh! Oh oh oh!

Are you kidding?!

He had been saving one massive fart up

the whole time.

I can taste it!

What was that?!

I guess we forgot to ask Stinker

if he wanted guests over.

That was terrible.

Look at these people.

I guess it's good to know

that when you grow up

into a mature, polite adult,

you don't actually

become mature or polite,

or an adult.

I wanted to say thanks for covering

for me in the cafeteria.

I didn't read your diary, you know.

Oh, I know that.

I mean, thanks.

Thank you for helping me

with the Jump-A-Thon.

I wouldn't have raised

a single dollar without you.

And because of that,

it looks like we won't

lose the art program at all.

Really?!

I'll have to mention that

to the newspaper

when they do their article

on you on Monday.

Oh, yeah.

The article.

Assistant Principal Devon,

meet the recipients

of the Juvenile Optometry Federation.

I know what you're thinking.

And no, we didn't hire these kids.

We found real students

that needed glasses

by talking to our school counselor.

We got so good at raising money,

we just raised a little more.

Isabella's mom even gave us

a big donation

from Isabella's allowance fund.

And now Juvenile Optometry

Federation is a real charity.

- It was my idea.

- And it was.

Look how charitably foxy we look.

That's me!

Maybe we all have inner beauty.

Is that possible?

Even the girls who fake charities,

and the underpants-strewing beagles,

and the meatloaf makers...

...even the pencil-eaters,

and the moms who cook things

that could possibly poison you.

And even the girls

with tons of outer beauty.

Maybe they do.

Maybe we all do.

And sometimes you think you need

colored contact lenses,

or tricked-out Jump-A-Thons,

or some boy's attention

to make you think you shine.

But like a wretched dog fart

in the middle of an engagement party,

beauty usually just comes bubbling up

when you least expect it.

Thanks for listening, dumb diary.

Hello?

Angeline, I'm so glad you called.

I have something major to tell you.

I accidentally stole your school record.

I returned it, but I swear

I didn't read a single word.

That record could destroy me.

You would not believe what's in there.

Anyway, I just called to say

that even though

we're gonna be cousins,

Hudson is still my date to the wedding.

Toodles!

Uh...

This is your life too!

Get up and dance.

# Hey, everybody,

may the dumb be with you #

# My your parents be haunted

and the fun continue #

# Is that your lip gloss that I smell? #

# May the watermelon flavor

serve you well #

# And I just want to say #

# Just want to say thanks

for listening #

# And I just want to say #

# Just want to say thanks

for listening #

# And at the risk of sounding slobbery,

my dumbness is all right with me #

# And I just want to say

thanks for listening #

# Hey, everybody,

may the dumb be with you #

# May you always outlive

the cafeteria menu #

# I've been told that life ain't fair #

# But I really really wish

I had perfect hair #

# And I just want to say #

# Just want to say

thanks for listening #

# And I just want to say #

# Just want to say #

# Thanks for listening #

# And at the risk of sounding slobbery,

my dumbness is all right with me #

# And I just want to say

thanks for listening #

# It's so completely random,

don't you see? #

# Now you've seen

the other side of me #

# Did you teach your dog

to fart your grandma's name? #

# Don't look at me,

I'm not the one to blame #

# Hey, everybody,

may the dumb be with you #

# Emergency exit at the rear

of the venue #

# Freaky little girl

with the French beret J'

# Do you know a thing or two

about Bastille Day? #

# And I just want to say #

# Just want to say thanks

for listening #

# And I just want to say #

# Just want to say thanks

for listening #

# And at the risk of sounding slobbery,

my dumbness is all right with me #

# And I just want to say

thanks for listening. #

# Hey! #

# Hey! #

# You didn't know

I was a rock star #

# Well, here you go,

now you know #

# So you wanna ride around

in your car #

# I should've know,

here you go #

# Falling in love with me #

# I will never be

what you want me to be #

# I'm the same girl #

# Same old me. #

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