Dear White People Page #7

---

GORDON:

Please put that away.

KURT:

You got to talk to these people in

a language they’ll understand.

Lionel shoves his headphones back on over his fro.

LIONEL:

Pathetic.

KURT:

(yelling)

Wherever he ships you off to, be

sure to pack a sense of humor with

you, kay bro?

Lionel drowns them out. He flips through Sam’s “Ebony & Ivy”

book to a section called...

SAM (V.O.)

The Paper Bag Tests.

As Lionel reads we swish pan to...

30 DREAM DINER 30

...an abstract Diner set. Sam at the counter addresses us.

SUPERIMPOSE:
THE TIP TEST

SAM:

The Tip Test. You hit up Jelly’s

for a snack. Your waitress mistakes

you for someone who looks like you

(Black) who once ran up a thirty

dollar bill and left a dollar tip.

36.

WAITRESS, over it, crosses frame and glares coldly at us.

Lionel takes a seat at a booth with Sam across from him.

SAM (CONT’D)

You watch all the other customers

order before you do...

Waitress huffs her way over to Lionel.

LIONEL:

Pastrami sandwich on rye.

SAM:

...then proceed to wait no less

than forty minutes for your food.

A wall-clock advances forty, before the food and check come.

SAM (CONT’D)

How do you tip? A...

LIONEL:

Forty minutes? Man she’s lucky I

leave her forty cents. You do a

good job, maybe you’ll see a tip.

SAM:

B...

LIONEL:

Doris was tripping, but fifteen

percent is the least I can do.

SAM:

Or C...

LIONEL:

I reject the stereotype that

African American’s don’t tip. I’m

leaving her twenty, no twenty five,

just to prove I can!

CUT TO:

Lionel’s back in reality. He ponders the scenario.

LIONEL (CONT’D)

C?

He turns the book upside down and reads the small print on

the bottom of the page. “A) ONE HUNDRED” “B) OOFTA” and his

answer “C) NOSE-JOB.”

37.

LIONEL (CONT’D)

Nose-job?

31 EXT. MANCHESTER UNIVERSITY - DAY 31

The campus has settled into the semester as students trudge

back and forth to class.

SAM (V.O.)

Dear White People in a shocking

reversal using the term “African

American” is borderline racist now.

32 INT. DEAN FAIRBANKS OFFICE - DAY 32

Dean Fairbanks and PRESIDENT HERBERT FLETCHER, 50’s in an

even better suit than Fairbanks listen to the radio.

Fairbanks eyeballs Fletcher - tension between the two.

SAM (O.S.)

Turns out if you’re too worried

about Political Correctness to say

“Black”, odds are you secretly just

want to call us n*ggers anyway and

truth be told I’d rather you just

be honest about it.

PRESIDENT FLETCHER

Free speech my ass.

DEAN FAIRBANKS:

Stalin quotes for two hundred?

PRESIDENT FLETCHER

You’re joking about this?

DEAN FAIRBANKS:

I’m sorry, was I supposed to take

“Free speech my ass” as a

legitimate suggestion?

PRESIDENT FLETCHER

This is your office’s issue Walter.

Especially after that episode with

Kurt in the dining hall.

DEAN FAIRBANKS:

Every race issue is my issue.

PRESIDENT FLETCHER

It’s a student issue. You are the

Dean of students aren’t you?

The two share an old and heated glare.

38.

PRESIDENT FLETCHER (CONT’D)

The Times has been watching us like

a hawk. Last thing we need is some

“race war” on newspapers across the

country. How do you think our donor

base will feel about that? Our fund-

raiser is four weeks away.

DEAN FAIRBANKS:

How bad is this deficit of yours?

PRESIDENT FLETCHER

Worse. But let me tell you

something. If this blows up any

further? It’s on you Walter. Racism

is over in America. And if anyone’s

still dealing with it, it’s the --

I don’t know Mexicans probably.

Troy pokes his head in. Fairbanks cuts the radio off.

PRESIDENT FLETCHER (CONT’D)

Come on in.

TROY:

President Fletcher.

PRESIDENT FLETCHER

Son, call me Herb.

Fairbanks grits his teeth as Fletcher exits and Troy sits.

DEAN FAIRBANKS:

President Fletcher tells me his son

got his ass handed to him.

Troy hates this game.

DEAN FAIRBANKS (CONT’D)

Bout time. Can’t tell you how many

instances I had to defend Armstrong

/ Parker when I was Head of House.

TROY:

Sam’s out of line. Kurt’s alright.

DEAN FAIRBANKS:

But you’re supposed to be better

than alright. Since when do we lose

elections Troy?

TROY:

The Housing Act passing without a

fight didn’t help.

39.

DEAN FAIRBANKS:

What have I told you about excuses?

TROY:

Pops my course load is full anyway.

I’m head of Econ Board, I’m

thinking about Pastiche.

DEAN FAIRBANKS:

Pastiche? On Kurt Fletcher’s staff?

TROY:

You know to round out the res?

DEAN FAIRBANKS:

I’ll be God damned if twenty years

from now you have to end up working

for that dumb asses son.

TROY:

(put in his place)

Yes sir.

DEAN FAIRBANKS:

Fletcher and I graduated a year

apart. He barely made it through. I

graduated Summa cum Laude. Now look

who’s President and who’s Dean.

TROY:

What’s the difference?

DEAN FAIRBANKS:

A couple hundred grand a year.

Understand what I’m saying? Now

what happened between you and Sam

to make her come after you anyway?

TROY:

Sofia. You remember Sofia? Daughter

of the President. Psych major. “Has

the world ahead of her Troy.”

DEAN FAIRBANKS:

I don’t like your tone boy.

TROY:

Sorry sir.

DEAN FAIRBANKS:

So you lost the House. On to the

school presidency then.

The light in Troy’s eyes dims a bit.

40.

DEAN FAIRBANKS (CONT’D)

It’ll be good to show this campus

is capable of electing someone like

you as school president.

TROY:

Someone like me?

33 INT. TROY'S BATHROOM - NIGHT 33

Troy hovers over the toilet - smokes weed while the shower

runs - exhales through his paper towel / dryer sheet

apparatus. He jots down on a notepad and LAUGHS to himself.

TROY’S APARTMENT - SAME TIME

Sofia has her face to the floor - peering underneath the

bathroom door. She can see Troy’s feet. What the hell?

Off the SQUEAK of the shower being cut Sofia jumps up.

MOMENTS LATER:

Troy bounds out the bathroom in his undies. Sofia on the

couch pretends to have been watching television.

TROY:

Babe. Hat or no hat?

Troy stands before her in his undies holding a Kangol. He

eyes her oversized T-shirt.

TROY (CONT’D)

Are you wearing that?

SOFIA:

I don’t have to be.

Sofia yanks Troy to her by his underwear to kiss his navel.

SOFIA (CONT’D)

Hey boo...why don’t we put some of

your new found free time to good

use? It’s been a while since...

TROY:

What’s with all this boo stuff?

SOFIA:

...since you f***ed me with your

big Black cock.

Troy pulls away.

41.

SOFIA (CONT’D)

It used to turn you on when I

talked like that. Is it me?

TROY:

(yes)

I love you.

SOFIA:

Is it Sam?

TROY:

Can we please just, get ready?

SOFIA:

Why? I hate my brother’s friends.

Troy thinks over his next words carefully.

TROY:

You’re not going to go with me?

SOFIA:

You’d go without me?

Troy tries to flash a charming shrug.

SOFIA (CONT’D)

You’re my guest!

Sofia gathers some books and heads for the door.

TROY:

You can hang out while I’m -

Rate this script:4.0 / 4 votes