Death to Smoochy Page #14

RANDOLPH:

Attention, New Yorkers! You are

about to hear a shocking storyof injustice!

WIDER:

Randolph stands on the table directly in front of theKidnet Building.

RANDOLPH:

I urge you to listen! It has a

surprise ending you won't wantto miss!

A crowd starts to form on the sidewalk.

RANDOLPH:

It's the story of a venomous rhinoand his aggressive campaign toslander, vilify, defame, denigrateand villainize my good name! But

one thing he can't do, is take mylife from me. No, friends, only Ihave the power to do that!

He reaches down and picks up a can of gasoline.

RANDOLPH:

This is what Smoochy has done tome! He's brought me to this! I

can no longer live in a worldwhere the innocent suffer and

the wicked thrive!

Randolph raises the can over his head and pausesdramatically.

RANDOLPH:

Where is God??!!

(CONTINUED)

81.

CONTINUED:

He drenches himself with gasoline. The crowd growslarger. He holds up a pack of matches.

RANDOLPH:

I'm sorry to do this, people.

Don't try to talk me out of it.

The crowd starts to applaud. Randolph looks baffled.

MAN IN CROWD:

Do it! Light it!

RANDOLPH:

Our guest of honor will be hereany moment! This is for his eyes!

For his conscience. He'll have to

live with this imagine for therest of his miserable life!

INT. LIMO - CONTINUOUS ACTION

Sheldon sits in the back of a limo on his way to work,

reading the paper. The headline blares: "SMOOCHY

ANNOUNCES ICE SHOW AT GARDEN." The subhead reads:

"ALL PROCEEDS TO BENEFIT BROOKLYN CLINIC."

SMOOCHY:

(to driver)

Take it from me, Lester. Use your

power. Don't squander it --build

with it.

LESTER:

Sound advice, Mr. Mopes. If I

ever get any power I'll give thata whirl.

(notices crowdup ahead)

Hey, what's going on up there?

Sheldon glances up from his paper.

SMOOCHY:

(casually)

Looks like a street performer of

some sort.

He goes back to his paper.

EXT. TIMES SQUARE - CONTINUOUS ACTION

Randolph sees the Kidnet limo approaching.

(CONTINUED)

82.

CONTINUED:

RANDOLPH:

This is it, folks! It's showtime!

I'm sorry to do this, but he'sleft me no choice!

Randolph tries to light another match, but it's wet fromthe gasoline. The crowd laughs and starts taunting him.

RANDOLPH:

Shut up, you hillbilly a**holes!

You're borough trash! Go back to

your huts across the river!

Randolph keeps trying to light the match. Finally, afterseveral attempts, it lights. He holds it up. The crowd

burst into applause.

RANDOLPH:

F*** you! F*** all you people! I

was the last of the Mohicans!

You'll never see another Rainbow

Randolph in this lifetime! You

had me and you blew it! All of

you!

He turns and faces the approaching limousine.

RANDOLPH:

This if for you, Smoochy!

Remember this! As long as youlive, remember this image! You

did this to me!

He brings the match closer to his gasoline-soaked body.

The limo continues to approach. The crowd taunts him to

do it. He tries to bring the match closer, but his handis shaking. Suddenly, a LITTLE GIRL pushes through thecrowd. Everyone quiets down as she looks up atRandolph.

LITTLE GIRL:

Whatcha doin', Rainbow Randolph?

Randolph freezes as he looks down at the Little Girl. A

slight look of hope comes over his face. She smiles

sweetly at him, walks over, and blows out the match.

Randolph is overcome with emotion. Just then, Sheldon's

LIMO WHOOSHES past him. The crowd cheers.

CROWD:

Smoochy!!!

(CONTINUED)

83.

CONTINUED:

They all run away from Randolph and over to Sheldon'slimo as it pulls in front of the Kidnet Building.

Randolph stares at them blankly. He looks down. The

Little Girl is gone. Sheldon gets out of the limo.

The crowd cheers him as he waves to them before goinginside.

A look of utter frustration now comes over Randolph.

OVERHEAD SHOT:

Randolph drops to his knees on the table, looks skyward,

and screams.

RANDOLPH:

What does it all mean??!!

The CAMERA RISES ABOVE him as he lets out an anguishedhowl that REVERBERATES through the skyscrapers.

INT. KIDNET STUDIOS - BACKSTAGE - TIGHT ON DISAPPOINTED

FACE OF SPINNER DUNN - DAY

SPINNER:

What do you mean I can't play thecowbell no more?

WIDER:

Sheldon gently tries to break the news to Spinner who'son the verge of tears.

SHELDON:

You're too talented for the

cowbell, Spinner. Cowbells are

for babies.

SPINNER:

(a little angry)

I ain't no baby!

SHELDON:

That's right. You're a fully

grown man. With whiskers... and

scars... the whole sha-bang.

That's why you deserve a biggerrole on the show. A more

important role...

Spinner's face starts to perk up.

84.

INT. STUDIO C - SHORT WHILE LATER

It's the middle of a Smoochy taping. Smoochy and theGang are wrapping up a song entitled, "My Stepdad's NotMean (He's Just Adjusting.)" The kids in the bleachers

are singing the chorus.

KIDS:

'Stepdads are people too/ Theyhave bad days, like we all do/

Be patient and help them through/

Stepdads are people too...'

Smoochy continues the song.

SMOOCHY:

(singing)

... 'So three cheers for the man

that I proudly call Stan... He'snot quite a dad or a brother...

Yes, he gets cross, but still he'sthe boss... And besides he takes

care of my mother!'

The song ends. The kids in the bleachers applaud.

Smoochy addresses them.

SMOOCHY:

Remember, kids. First

impressions, good or bad, are notalways what they seem. Just like

a new puppy, new dads need toadjust to their surroundings. So

give 'em time! But alwaysremember... if he becomes abusive

to you or Mommy... what are themagic numbers?

KIDS IN BLEACHERS

(shouting in unison)

Nine-One-One!

SMOOCHY:

Right-o-riffic!

The Smoochyland Band plays a little fanfare.

SMOOCHY:

And now, boys and girls, I have aspecial surprise. I'd like to

introduce the newest member of the

Magic Jungle... my cousin...

Moochy the Rhino!

(CONTINUED)

85.

CONTINUED:

The Smoochyland Band plays a happy little song as SpinnerDunn, in costume as Moochy, runs on stage. The Moochycostume is identical to Smoochy only it's a darkerorange instead of bright orange.

SMOOCHY:

Howdy, Moochy! Welcome to the

Jungle! You wanna say howdy tothe kids?

Spinner freezes. He stares at the camera.

SMOOCHY:

Moochy?

SPINNER:

My name is Moochy.

SMOOCHY:

That's right. We've established

that.

SPINNER:

(leaning into Sheldon)

Sheldon, this costume's makin' mynuts itch.

Sheldon looks horrified. The Smoochyland Band quicklylaunches into some music. Smoochy, Moochy and a fewother jungle animals begin to dance. Moochy's lumberingmovements are in stark contrast to the choreographedsteps of the others. As a bonus, he occasionallyscratches his crotch.

INT. SHELDON'S DRESSING ROOM - AFTER THE SHOW

A happy Spinner (still in costume as Moochy) pokes hishead into Sheldon's dressing room. Sheldon, still in

costume as well, looks drained after the difficult

taping.

SPINNER:

That was fun! Was it bad when I

done that thing, where I trippedand knocked over the Flamingo andthen he knocked over the cameraman

and then those lights fell down onthat lady's head?

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