Death to Smoochy Page #18

NORA:

You're letting them drag you downto their level.

RANDOLPH:

(from couch)

She's right, Sheldon. Don't make

the same mistakes I did. Keepyour dignity intact.

He accidentally spills some hot tea on himself.

RANDOLPH:

Son-of-a-b*tch!

SHELDON:

I appreciate everyone's concern,

but I can take care of myself.

Nora and Randolph look at each other.

RANDOLPH:

(mouthing to Nora)

I tried.

Sheldon stuffs some extra bullets in his pocket.

SHELDON:

(to Randolph)

Okay, buddy, we have to get downto the Garden. You're welcome to

stay here as long as you like.

Just don't leave until I getthings squared away.

Randolph gets up and walks over to him.

RANDOLPH:

Be careful, Sheldon. Remember

what I told you -- you've onlyscratched the surface of this

scummy business. You have yet tostrike oil.

Randolph looks at him for a moment before turning toNora.

(CONTINUED)

105.

CONTINUED:

RANDOLPH:

You're lucky to have a guy likeSmoochy.

NORA:

You just rest, Randolph.

RANDOLPH:

He's the real thing. Smoochy's the

real thing. And I've been a fraud.

A wicked man doing wicked acts.

Sheldon slaps the cylinder into place and tucks the gunin his waistband.

SHELDON:

Well, we all have our bad days.

He exits.

INT. HAWAII KAI - LATER THAT EVENING

A hula dancer performs on a tiny stage in the nightclub.

A small Hawaiian string band plays behind her. Burke

and a nervous-looking Stokes sit in a booth.

STOKES:

Things are getting out of hand.

We have to cover our tracks.

BURKE:

Relax, everything's gonna work

out.

STOKES:

Relax? They found Merv Green'shead on the Grand Concourse!

Excuse my concern.

BURKE:

Look, we can cover all the tracks

we want, but in the end we still

got the same problem. We gottafinish what we started.

STOKES:

God help us...

Stokes shakily takes a sip of his drink.

(CONTINUED)

106.

CONTINUED:

BURKE:

It'll all be over tonight.

Buggy's gonna take care of

everything.

STOKES:

Buggy? Buggy Ding-Dong? The guywho hosted 'Buggy's BumpyRailroad'?

STOKES:

Yeah, until he discovered the joysof Turkish black mule heroin. For

the right price he'll do anything.

It's amazing the guy's still alive.

Stokes buries his head in his hands.

STOKES:

I don't know, Burke... this whole

thing...

A shadow falls across their table. Burke looks up.

BURKE:

Speak of the devil. Have a seat,

Bug.

Buggy Ding-Dong's hand ENTERS the FRAME and snubs out hisCamel. Stokes looks up.

STOKES:

(attempting tosound cheerful)

Buggy. You're looking good.

ANGLE ON BUGGY:

A man who looks like he would first kill you then eat youfor dinner, slides into the booth next to Stokes.

BURKE:

It's time we put this thing torest, Frank. And the way I seeit... the rhino's up past hisbedtime.

Burke hands a folded envelope to Buggy who puts it intohis jacket pocket. He lights another Camel.

107.

EXT. MADISON SQUARE GARDEN - AERIAL SHOT - EVENING

"SMOOCH ON ICE -- SOLD OUT!" flashes on the electronic

marquee.

EXT. MADISON SQUARE GARDEN - ENTRANCE - CONTINUOUS

ACTION:

Men, women and children flood in through the turnstiles.

INT. MADISON SQUARE GARDEN - CONTINUOUS ACTION

Ushers, costumed as Rhinettes, help people to their

seats. People mull about the concession stands whichare adorned with signs that read: "Complimentary AppleSlices!" "Have a Salt-Free Pretzel!" "Enjoy a Soy Dogon Smoochy!" "Fresh Squeezed O.J. -- Have a Glass!"

"Sugar Free Brownies -- They're Not as Bad as theySound!" "Free! Everything is Free!" "Keep YourWallet in Your Pocket!" "Friendship is More Importantthan Money!"

INT. ANGELO'S APARTMENT - NIGHT

Angelo's place looks like a cyclone hit it. Angeloworks free from the ropes that have bound his wrists.

He has been hit over the head and is groggy as hereaches for the phone.

INT. SHELDON'S PENTHOUSE - CONTINUOUS ACTION

A freshly showered Randolph is wearing Sheldon's robe andhas a pink towel wrapped around his head as he lounges onthe living room sofa. He's eating grapes and readingNational Geographic. The PHONE RINGS. He picks it up.

RANDOLPH:

(sing-songy)

Hellooo!

We GO TO a SPLIT-SCREEN with Angelo.

ANGELO:

Randy, is that you?

(CONTINUED)

108.

CONTINUED:

RANDOLPH:

Yes, Angelo, my little Twinkie,

shouldn't you be getting ready forthe big show?

ANGELO:

Listen, Buggy's been here.

RANDOLPH:

Buggy Double D's? The Dong Man?

ANGELO:

Yeah, he lifted my backstage passand he's braggin' that he'sdoing some kind of job for BurkeBennett.

Randolph thinks. He suddenly looks very worried.

RANDOLPH:

Sheldon's in trouble. I gotta getdown to the Garden.

ANGELO:

The place is crawling with cops.

They'll jump on you like atrampoline.

RANDOLPH:

I don't care.

He rips the towel from his head.

RANDOLPH:

I have to warn the rhino.

INT. MADISON SQUARE GARDEN - BASEMENT

Buggy, in his ill-fitting Rhinette costume, emerges fromthe sub-basement carrying a thin suitcase. As far as

anyone's concerned, he's just another usher. He heads

for the stairwell.

INT. MADISON SQUARE GARDEN - CONTINUOUS ACTION

Every seat in the arena is occupied. The lights arelowered. A slow rolling TYMPANY is heard. After a

moment, the Rhinettes skate out to enthusiastic applause.

109.

BACKSTAGE:

Sheldon, looking very intense, stands alone in the wings.

He takes a couple of deep breaths. We TILT DOWN and see

the bulge of the revolver under his Smoochy costume.

ICE RINK:

The Rhinettes have formed a line across the middle of the

rink.

ANNOUNCER (V.O.)

And now... it gives us greatpleasure to introduce America'sfavorite rhino... ladies and

gentlemen... boys and girls...

(dramatic pause)

Heeeeere's Smoochy!

Smoochy skates out to thunderous applause. The entire

arena is on its feet. The Rhinettes part as Smoochyskates through them and stops in the middle of the rink.

The applause and cheering don't stop for several moments.

One of the Rhinettes hands Smoochy a microphone.

SMOOCHY:

On behalf of myself, theRhinettes, and the soon to be

restored Coney Island MethadoneCenter, I thank you all forcoming.

NETWORK BOX:

Burke and Stokes roll their eyes.

BACK ON SHELDON:

SMOOCHY:

It was my original intention thattonight's performance would be abenign mix of Smoochy songs andice dancing. But as an artist, I

believe I must convey to you, myfans, what I'm feeling at anygiven moment in my life. To do

otherwise would be dishonest. Art

is communication. It's somethingwe learn and hopefully grow from.

With that in mind... I hope youenjoy the show.

(CONTINUED)

110.

CONTINUED:

More applause as Smoochy skates over to the Rhinettes.

They form a circle around him and slap hands insolidarity.

SHELDON:

This is for Spinner.

The lights go down. A full orchestra begins to play theoverture to WAGNER's Tristen et Isolde. The lights comeup as a soprano -- a heavyset woman in a modified rhinocostume -- skates out through the fog and begins singingthe opera. Smoochy -- now wearing a peasant's frock -skates

an interpretive dance in the b.g. with a fewRhinettes who are also dressed as peasants. A beautiful

fairy princess floats down (on filament wire) from therafters and takes Smoochy's hand. She skates away withhim as he waves good-bye to the Rhinettes.

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