Deconstructing Harry Page #4

Can l get a red wine?

Same thing she has, please?

l wanted to be the first|to tell you that...

l'm getting married.

Don't say that!

-Why?|-What do you mean?

Because...

l love you.|How can you get married?

Don't!

-Who? ls it Larry?|-Yes, it's Larry!

l knew it!

l don't f***ing believe this!

This guy's allegedly|a friend of mine.

lt's the Devil.|And l introduced you.

When Larry's around.|l smell burning sulfur.

Can we have your blessing?

No! You certainly|don't have my blessing!

l don't want you|to get married.

l don't want you to.

l should go.

l was your pupil.

lt was Henry Higgins|and Eliza Doolittle.

That's what it was,|and that's what you loved.

But it didn't work that way.|What can l say?

Why did you|fall in love with me?

You gave me endless lectures|on love in the Western world.

l didn't think l could.|l thought l was too damaged.

l woke up one morning, and|l looked at you over breakfast...

and l thought to myself...

God, this is what they mean.

This is what they were|talking about.

All those warnings not to|fall in love with you!

But then l fell in love with you.

Thought you were|another jerk fan...

l'd f*** you...

and move on to the next fan.|But that didn't happen.

You were a fan...

and a follower...

and then a pupil...

and then you were a roommate.

And before l knew it...

you had control|ofthe channel changer.

l loved you.

l was in awe of you.

But it wasn't in love with you.

My old university is honoring me,|if you can believe that.

Come with me, let me try|to talk you out of it...

Just one day.

l'm getting married tomorrow.

-Tomorrow? The day l'm honored?|-Yes! Tomorrow!

l can't f***ing believe this.

You're getting married tomorrow?

Yes. lt's been planned for months!

Don't do it!

"While Goldberg was asleep|onenight...

the devil entered his apartment...

abducted his beautiful|blonde love...

and took her to hell.

The next morning...

Goldberg noticed the odd smell of|burning sulfur".

Harry Block?

You're Cookie?

Cookie Williams.

You wanted me here at ten?

You wanna, shall we get to it?

You don't want to talk|a little first?

Talk? Why?

Really? Most guys don't|like to jump into bed...

without talking. They think it's|too businesslike.

Not me. l'm not...

that you'd tie me up.

Whatever you want! Let's settle|the monetary part and then relax.

Absolutely.

-You get $200?|-That's right.

So you want me to tie you up?

Yeah, tie me up.

l'd like you to hit me...

and give me a blowj*b.

A blowj*b, then you hit you.

No.

Hit me and then the blowj*b.

lf the order's not right,|it's no fun.

Tie me up, hit me,|give me a blowj*b.

What should l tie you with?

The truth is l thought you|were going to wear stockings.

Cookie,|you're a definite artist.

They should put your lips|in the Smithsonian.

lt took you awhile.|l didn't think you'd make it.

l was having a little|problem focusing.

Finally, l got the right fantasy.

l thought of awoman l saw|in the Sixth Avenue...

and l coupled herwith|Svetlana Stalin.

lt's the daughter of the dictator.|lt worked.

What do you take medicine for?

Me? Depression.

What are you depressed about?

Depressed. Don't you ever get|depressed?

Doesn't yourwork get you down?

lt's okay. Beats the hell out of|waitressing.

lt's funny.

Every hooker l meet says it|beats the hell out of waitressing.

Waitressing's got to be|the worst job in the world.

lt's unbelievable.

What are you sad about?

l'm spiritually bankrupt.|l'm empty.

What do you mean?

l'm frightened.

l got no soul.|Knowwhat l mean?

See, when l was younger,|it was less scary...

waiting for Lefty than it is|waiting for Godot.

You lost me.

You know that the universe is|coming apart?

You know what a black hole is?

Yeah.|That's how l make my living.

l gotta tell you, a great writer|named Sophocles...

said it was probably best|not to be born al all.

Honey, it's a little|too late forthat.

l didn't want to come out.|They had to come in and get me.

You want another blowj*b?

How come?

On the house. No charge.

Because them pills you takin'|sure ain't working.

l'm just in a peculiar mood|tonight.

Because l had|some bad news today.

Let me ask you,|what are you doing tomorrow.

Hustlin'.

Yeah?|Why don't you come with me?

Where?

l'm going to my old school.|They're honoring me.

l got nobody to share it with.

l'm serious. Come with me.

l'll give you 500 bucks.

Sleep here,|come up with me tomorrow.

Why you got all this money?

l always have|hooker money because...

l once paid by check years ago|and the lRS killed me.

Fay, when you get this message,|if it's not too late...

don't get married...

because l love you...

and l want to marry you.

l was looking at...

my last book...

at the part where we met.

l tried to exaggerate it|to make it funny...

but it was actually|very romantic.

-She can't hear.|-l'm in town.

Norman's meeting me for "Les Mis."|l have a free hour.

l don't know if l can.

l got our usual place at the|Wyndham. lt's been 2 weeks ago.

We gotta be fast. l can't make it|believable for so long.

You'll be back in an hour.

l have to be done by then anyway.

Think l'll take awalk.

Now?

Yes, l thought that l would just...

just get some fresh air.

Okay.

Excuse me.

Are you Harry Block?

Yes.

-Your writing's so meaningful to me.|-Thank you.

l can't believe l'm in|the elevator with you.

lt's no big deal.

Are you staying here?

No. l'm meeting someone.

What is this?

lt's stuck again.

lfthis was one of my stories,|this elevator would get stuck...

and you and l would start a major|affair, and fall in love.

Promise you won't|fall in love with me.

No?

Definitely not.|Not a good idea.

Why?

Because...

l'm too screwed up.

l have...

too many quirks.

l have trouble being faithful.

l have too many phobias.|l'm crazy.

Yeah, but l fell in love with you|before l met you.

When l read you.

Yes, but you fell in love|with my work.

That's a different thing.

l love yourwork.|l love your imagination.

l love it.

But this is not a book.|You know what l mean.

We're not characters|in a fictional thing.

-So don't fall in love with me.|-Kiss me.

-Promise you won't.|-No, kiss me.

l promise.

Thank you.

The subway took forever. Sorry.

You said you weren't coming.

What do you mean?

-We said 10. l'm sure.|-No.

l called last night,|to say l got out of my thing.

You called? When?

At 9.30 last night.|You don't remember?

l interrupted you writing.

-We spoke on the phone.|-Absolutely.

My mind has been playing tricks.

This is Cookie Williams,|Richard.

How ya doing?

What's so special|about this honor?

He's being honored by|the school that expelled him.

lf only Hilly could see me,|he'd be so proud.

lt's sad, but short of kidnapping,|he ain't coming.

Oh, dear!

Dad?

-Hilly, Where you going?|-What are you doing?

Stop it!

lt's an emergency.

What are you doing?|Come on!

You can't do this!

Hilly, get out ofthe car!

Somebody stop this man!|He's a deviant!

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