Deep End Page #5

- Oh, come on.

No, sorry, because I've eaten too much.

- It's free, sir.

- Really sorry, I mustn't.

With my compliments, sir.

Taxi!

Yes, please, with pleasure, yes.

Thank you very much.

- 73, Cornwall Gardens.

- Leicester Square tube station.

- 73, Cornwall Gardens.

- Leicester Square tube.

You know we've only got

the flat for the night, haven't we?

Look, we're almost married.

- Leicester Square tube.

- 73, Cornwall Gardens.

Whatever you say.

- Sir.

- No, no, look. Everything off.

Everything's coming off.

Eighteen fantastic girls,

nothing on and nowhere to hide.

Want to see the show, madam?

It's a lovely show, madam.

Come and see the show, madam.

It's marvellous.

Show's on now. Eighteen... Hey, hey!

Hey, hey! Come back. Hey!

- Look, Sue, look at this.

- Mike.

Where'd you get that? What is it?

What is it? That's exactly what

I'd like to ask you. What is it?

- What'd you mean?

- I mean it's you, isn't it?

Oh, it does look like me, doesn't it?

- Well, it is you.

- All right.

- Is it you?

- What do you think?

- No, you're not like this, Sue.

- Like what?

Like that!

- Look at it! Is it you!

- I'm much worse than that.

- It can't be you.

- Why?

- Because you're not like that.

- What am I supposed to be like then?

Oh, let me sit down.

It's you, isn't it?

Well, you make up your own mind

about that.

- If I were one of your...

- Yeah, what would you do?

What would you do?

Would you buy me a ring like that? Hmm?

How much do you think that costs?

Look, look at it.

How much do you think that costs?

- Ten quid?

- Ten times that much.

I'll buy it for you, Sue.

I'll buy it for you.

- Don't be silly. I've already got it.

- Give it to me.

- Give me the ring.

- You're mad.

Susan, sit down.

You've got to tell me

whether it's you or not. Sit down!

- Susan, come on!

- I've just about had enough. Stop it!

What do you think

you're bloody staring at?

- Sit down and behave yourself.

- Go on, look at it, look at it!

Stupid!

Just sit down, for God's sake.

Give me my coat.

I suppose you're gonna see him now?

After you got engaged to the other one,

now you're gonna see him.

- What if I am?

- Well, you can't

because he sleeps with his wife.

It's no good, eh?

Then I'll just have to see him

some other time then, won't I?

Has he seen the poster?

Has he seen it? Has he seen it?

Because I'll show it to him tomorrow

at the races.

I'll show him this

and see what he thinks of you then.

You're not going to the races, are you?

Don't worry,

I won't cause you any more trouble.

Hup, hup, hup, hup, hup.

Get in line. Now, steady.

Keep it moving, left and right.

Come along, you'll soon be off.

Now, get in line, boys, get in line.

- Hey, you, get back in line.

- I've got to fix my shoelace.

On your marks,

get set...

Mike, hey, this is a school competition,

- you can't be in it.

- You try and stop me.

Hey, you, push off. Go home!

Come here.

Come on.

Get off the track, get off!

Only two more laps to go, come on.

Only two more laps, come on.

Mike.

You little bastard. Come here!

I'll get you for this.

You little bastard.

Who the hell do you think you are?

Come here.

I've just about had enough of you.

- My tooth!

- I'm sorry, Mike.

I'm sorry. I was very angry.

My tooth. You've knocked my tooth out!

You shouldn't have done that to his car.

You really shouldn't have.

- But you've knocked my tooth out.

- All right. I've said I'm sorry.

- Give me a mirror.

- Here you are.

Oh, my God.

Oh, no.

Oh, no!

Not your bloody tooth, look!

Oh, sh*t!

It's not my tooth!

You did spit it out, didn't you?

- Yeah, I spat it out.

- You didn't swallow it?

No.

Oh, God! Help me look for it.

- How big is it?

- How big is it? You saw it yesterday.

- Do you know how much that cost?

- Sue?

Oh, he's going to be

really pleased with this.

Sue, it's no good. Sue, its no good.

- Stand up, Sue.

- That's just great. Stupid!

Sue, you're only treading it

into the snow.

- Stand up!

- Will you help me look for it, Mike?

Oh, Christ, yeah.

Stay where you are, don't move.

- God, this is impossible.

- Don't move.

- Oh, it's so stupid.

- Stay in the circle.

- Stay in the circle, Sue.

- It could be anywhere.

- Don't move, I'll be back in a minute.

- But, Mike...

Oh, God.

Get out! Piss off! Piss off!

Christ! What's the bloody dog

doing there?

I'm trying to... Go on, go on.

What are those for? Oh, yeah, I see.

Well, then what?

Leave it to me, I know what I'm doing.

I just hope you do.

I just hope you do for your sake.

- Don't move around, Sue.

- I'm not.

Oh, I keep thinking I see it.

- Look, I'll make a path.

- It could be anywhere.

- Oh, God, it could even be on these.

- Now, walk in the path.

Right, now come out.

Hip, hip, hooray!

Hip, hip, hooray!

Last little bit.

Right, good.

I don't think we missed any.

I hope not.

- You didn't swallow it, did you?

- No, I didn't swallow it.

Here, take the shovel. Can you manage?

Yeah, come on.

- Where are we taking it?

- To the baths, of course. Go on.

- It's empty.

- Yeah, I know.

I forgot, they've emptied

out for the weekend.

- It's okay, we can still use the baths.

- No, I think everything's locked up.

Well, look, I'll have a look in

the manager's office. That must be open.

Hey, Sue, look what I've found.

Where are we gonna plug it in?

- There's nowhere here, I don't think.

- Hang on, I'll just try these lights.

What are you going to

do with it, anyway?

You'll see, watch.

Now, switch them off.

Oh, sh*t.

All right, this will be fixed.

Now, switch on the light.

All right, now, come and help me.

Did you lose any on the way down here?

Yeah, I picked it up again.

Right, now we can start

bunging it into the kettle, give us it.

- Right, put some in there.

- There's some.

Mind, now, look, if you can't do it

properly, I'll do it by myself.

Oh, Mike, do you think

we'll ever find it?

It's gonna take hours

doing it like this.

Don't worry,

we'll find it sooner or later.

Will we?

Christ, I'm hungry.

Right.

Look, we'll try it down here, quick.

- What're you gonna do?

- Pour it down here.

Will it go right down the grating?

No, it should be all right.

This will stop it.

- You sure?

- Yeah.

Right, now pour it here and it will

trickle out down there.

If you see the diamond, don't touch it,

because it'll be hot.

Wait a minute, I've got a much better

idea. There's a much better idea.

- What?

- Hang on a minute.

Oh, Mike, don't be silly.

- It's no time to get embarrassed.

- I'm not.

Look, strain it through these.

- Through that?

- Yeah, come on.

- You'll ruin your tights.

- It doesn't matter, come on.

That diamond's worth

- Come on, you pour it through.

- It's not that valuable.

- It is, I told you.

- All right, ready?

Christ, what do you think

all this is for?

- Okay, hold it then.

- All right,

get on with it for God's sake.

- Don't let it dribble down.

- I'm holding it, aren't I? Okay.

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