Definitely, Maybe Page #3

Hey, come on, now.

I just want you to come for a weekend.

You're right. I'm sorry.

Did you call Summer?

No. I left her a message.

She didn't get back to me.

Hey. You okay?

Yeah. I'm just really lonely here,

and I miss you like crazy,

and it's really hard.

Yeah. I know what you mean.

- Hey. What are you doing up?

- Mr. McCormack.

Come on, you've been staring

at that package for about a week now.

How was the rest of your evening?

Successful, I take it.

Oh, my goodness. I'm in big trouble.

I love this girl!

You know, that's usually a good thing.

It's hard enough to get elected

the first black President

without having Julia Roberts

on your arm at the inauguration.

That is an impressive mental leap, Russ,

going from a one-night stand

to being sworn in as President.

Open it.

I know you're dying to know what's inside.

Just her name alone, Summer Hartley,

is driving me...

Look it! You got a tear right there! I see it.

Come on through. You can do it.

Thank you. Yes.

- It's a diary.

- Sweet Jesus. Let me see.

No! Stop! Stop right there.

We're not gonna read this. We can't.

"The boys' dorm is across

the quad, their windows visible from ours.

"The evenings are hot and sticky.

"We are all half-dressed,

pretending we can't be seen by the boys.

"Some of us are bold. My new friend

"Emily is sweet

"and embarrassed by it all,

always waiting to see what I will do."

Don't stop! This is good stuff.

Where were you? Okay.

"It's our last night, and the plan has

been in place for days.

"Emily and I are the last to leave,

"and as we reach the stairs,

I grab Emily firmly by her wrist.

"She looks up at me expectantly

and I know what will happen next."

- Do you?

- I think I have a pretty good idea.

Oh, my goodness!

What are you doing?

This is good stuff, man!

Wait a minute.

Is that your Emily?

Good night, Russell!

She is a freak!

Put the picture back!

Wow.

Who is it?

- Will Hayes. I called earlier.

You a Jehovah's Witness?

No.

Christ, you're tall.

Hi.

- Come in.

- Okay.

Close the door behind you.

Lock it!

Summer said to hang tight.

She'll be back. She wants you to wait.

- What do you got in there?

- I don't know. Are you Summer's father?

Yeah. I'm her daddy.

- Drink?

- No. No. It's a little early for me.

Early. You're fresh off the boat, aren't you?

So tell me about yourself. What's your deal?

What do you aspire to?

What are your dreams?

What are your fancies?

What do you want to be when you grow up?

- Sit down!

- Okay.

What do you do now? You...

Wait, don't tell me.

You work for your daddy.

- No.

- No, don't tell me!

Wall Street. No!

You kiss ass to some fancy uptown law firm.

- Actually...

- No! I give up. What do you do?

I'm working for Bill Clinton.

He's running for President.

No.

I know who Bill Clinton is.

Yeah, in fact, I know more about Bill Clinton

than his own mother.

- Really?

- Yep.

- What do you do?

- What do I do?

I drink!

Drink!

Be a man.

There you go! Isn't that better?

Swallow!

So tell me about Bill Clinton.

Hey. Wake up.

You want some aspirin?

- You must be Will.

- Hi.

I see you drank my boyfriend

under the table.

He's not your father?

- Is that what he told you?

Hmm.

He's my thesis advisor.

Oh.

What else did he tell you?

He was telling me how to be a real man,

as opposed to the sort of

- boy-man I seem to be.

- Did you learn anything?

Yeah, there's a lot of drinking involved.

Also cursing and fighting.

- Sex?

- Yes.

Although that's not what we real men call it.

What do you call it?

I have something for you.

This is from Emily.

- Haven't talked to her in ages.

- We'll be moving in together in the fall.

Uh-huh.

Oh, please! Daddy.

Oh, come on! No.

Oh, this is...

Did you read this?

I didn't.

- I read a page.

- A page.

- Two pages at the most.

- Two?

And the part about you and Emily

touching each other and kissing.

- Oh! That part, yeah.

- Incredibly descriptive. I felt like I was there.

You're a great writer. I mean...

I think you should keep it.

You should read it when you're lonely.

- I can't. It's your diary, so I can't do that.

- No, really, really. I just, I don't need it.

I've already got it memorized,

so I'll just leave it on the table.

Keep a hard copy.

That might be nice for me.

I wonder why Emily gave it to you

to give to me.

Hmm.

Hampton?

- Hampton?

- Are you gonna join us?

That's Hampton Roth.

He's an incredible writer.

- His book on the McGovern campaign is...

- Yeah.

- You...

- Yeah. We do.

Look, have you ever actually

had sex with a sexagenarian?

- I haven't.

- Well, then you shouldn't really judge.

Well, actually, I'm not judging. Look at you.

You're beautiful. You're sophisticated.

You're a very talented writer.

Thank you.

I mean, to please a woman like you,

it would obviously take a...

- Real man.

- Exactly.

- Hard to compete with that.

- Well, unless you're the competitive type.

- Yep, nice to meet you.

- Yeah, it was great meeting you, too.

I feel horrible about taking the...

Sorry.

I was just curious.

Hampton encourages me

to cultivate my curiosity.

He says it's the key

to being a good journalist.

Yeah.

Summer! Daddy's hungry!

- Speak of the devil. Better go. Yeah.

- Hmm.

Where the hell are you?

- Okay, bye.

- Bye.

Yeah, give us a call sometime.

We should all go out for dinner.

I'd... Yeah, I'd love dinner.

- Yeah.

- Hey!

- Are you gonna call her?

- Are you insane?

- Well, what are you gonna do?

- What am I gonna do?

I'm gonna keep my eye on the ball.

Emily and I have a future. We have a plan.

Which may involve

some type of threesome now.

Or foursome

if that old dude is still in the picture.

You're not helping.

I never should have opened that diary.

It's like Pandora's hot, sexy box.

What's a threesome?

- What?

- A threesome.

That's a game that adults play sometimes

when they're bored.

Whatever. So what happened with Emily?

Nothing. I wanted to wait

till she came for a visit,

and then I decided to do

something really dramatic.

It was just one week

before the primary, and I had graduated

from bagels and toilet paper

to signs and bumper stickers.

Jesus! Mercy!

Hold, please.

What am I doing here?

Move over! Another foot!

Go, another foot. Move over!

Over, over, over!

Just want to let everyone know

that the new signs are ready.

They're looking good.

I wrote three speeches

for Congressman Sweeney.

How's high school?

He's from Texas. His name's George Bush.

But he is not the President.

Instead, he's the eldest son

of George and Barbara

and considered a key

political advisor of the White House.

Bryant, well, you forgot to mention

the Texas Rangers.

Oh, okay.

Man, if this guy's smart,

he'll go back to baseball.

- No kidding.

- Anybody see Hayes?

- No.

- No.

Hayes! Where is Hayes? Hayes!

Is it true you graduated first

of your class at Madison?

- Yeah.

- All right.

- Come on. We're walking.

- We're walking.

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