Deliver Us from Eva Page #2

Eva says if I stick to a study schedule

- Don't say the "E" word.

- Not in this house.

- I have to stick to my study schedule, okay?

All of us agreed. What is

with you Dandridge women?

I love my sisters, okay?

I'm sorry.

I love you too.

It's just in a different way.

Okay. Then I demand that you love

me the same way that you love them.

You and them-

it's like apples and oranges.

What? Lady, I am your husband,

okay? I pledged my life to you...

before God and a bunch of ugly

- ass relatives I don't even like.

I gave up all my wild ways for you,

and, baby, I had a hell of a lot of them.

I never told you about the roses and the

butt-naked midgets or none of that sh*t.

I had midget pros in different area codes. Uh

- huh.

Therefore, I demands

to be a damn orange.

You can stop playing now.

You know what? Fine.

If a brother can't be an orange,

then you're cut off.

I'm cut off? For real?

Yeah. That's right. Back up.

I'm cut off? You gonna

cut me off? Don't touch me.

Don't do that. Don't do it. Oh, damn.

Don't do this. Don't.

Oh, damn,

the flesh is weak. Oh.

Mmm.

Up.

Down.

Right there.

- I have a dreadful problem. I need your help.

- Gosh, you're doing it.

- How the hell did you get in here?

Jacqui gave me a key

in case of an emergency.

- Are you okay?

- Don't mind us. We're just having sex.

So I should just come back in,

what, two minutes?

- Is it really important?

- Get your ass out!

- Just give us one minute.

- Oh,just one minute? Damn, it's worse than I thought.

Man, what the

- She probably had a bad day or something.

Look, hold on.

Where you going?

Eva needs me. But we need you too! No-

Wait a minute!

Damn you, Eva!

- So,you two still talking about having a baby?

- Shh.

Not so loud.

IfTim even hears the word

"baby," he jumps on top of me.

Oh, that's just

his male biological clock.

It's when a man begins having

baby fever, like a woman.

I read about it

in Psychology Today.

All I know is that every time we

argue about it, he ends up drinking.

The drinking

isn't serious, is it?

No, but-

Well, you know, his father

had a drinking problem. Mmm.

Mmm. Ah! What do you think I should do?

I don't like getting in

married people's business.

There's nothing wrong with a grown

man having an occasional drink.

Mmm.

Although a study did show that a

drinking problem can be hereditary.

You don't want your baby coming out of the

womb talking about, "Where the liquor at?"

It wouldn't be right.

Oh, hey, hey, hey. Baby,

I was still drinking that.

Honey, I know, but you shouldn't

drink so much, you know?

Eva and I werejust talking, and

- This is not what you need.

Do you wanna do the breathing

exercises Bethany talked about?

I don't wanna breathe. I just

want a drink. I want that drink.

Baby, I don't like

to bring up the past,

but you know that little problem

your daddy has.

- I'm not my father.

- Oh, sweetie, I know. I know.

It's just, tonight,

no more drinking for me.

- Thank you. Thank you.

- Baby, can I just-

Aw, come on, honey. Sing

it with me. Please? No.

It's our theme song. Aw, party

- poop. No. No. No. No.

Hey, I'm in here! Get out of

here!

I hate that damn song!

Yeah! Smell that! Ew!

This is Ray Adams,

y'all. What's happening?

I thought you moved to Florida. I did.

I worked at a car dealership down

there, but that was a year ago.

I never keep a job

more than a year.

- I work for Jomo's Meats in L.A. now.

- I know Jomo's.

Why do you quit your job every

year? What's that about, brother?

Well, I have to service

my many talents. Oh.

I was brought up an orphan.

No mama, no daddy.

No ties.

That's how I do it.

If you guys hadn't noticed,

Ray is quite the player.

- As we saw the other night.

- Yeah. Love your work, baby.

You ought to be exempt

from taxes for that sh*t.

Nothing Mike couldn't do. No,

I turned in my player card.

I'm practically engaged to

a beautiful woman named Bethany.

Congratulations.

Thank you, thank you.

She's gorgeous too, but not

as fine as her sister, Eva.

- Yeah, I can't even front.

- I wish I was good enough for Eva.

- I wish I was her garbage, man. Look.

- Pow!

She's cute. But why is

she scowling like that?

Her face is so tight.

That's her sexy smirk.

She ain't scowling.

Right. Right.

W- W-What's c-c-cracking,

f- fellas?

B- B*tch!

Whoa!

B*tch!

Hey! Hey!

Back over here, man.

Don't pay the retard-

The drinking

- He got out early. That's all.

Ray, how would you like

to meet Eva?

- Is she giving it up?

- "Is she giving it up?"

- Man, she's double-jointed. - She's

lookin' up at her feet every night.

- Bumping her head on the headboard, all that.

- That's right.

So I only have one question:

What's wrong with her?

Nothing.

Nothing. Nothing.

So three grown men

walk into a bar...

to hook up a man

for a perfectly good woman.

What is it? She got five kids, a violent ex

- con boyfriend?

Is she one of those evil, nasty sisters

who beats a brother down till he's dust?

- What is it?

- It's the ex- con thing, bro.

- Darrell!

- Ray, Ray, look, I gotta be honest with you.

Eva is a piece of work, but we're prepared

to make it worth your while to take her out.

You're gonna pay me

to go out with her?

Are you worried that that

makes you look like a gigolo?

- No. I mean, I kind of like that aspect.

- Okay!

All right.

I'm in a financial bind.

My landlord is selling my house.

I need cash to buy it.

Man, that is perfect. Then we

all can benefit from this deal.

Here's what we need you to do:

Take her out for a couple of months.

Not just distract her,

but make her fall hard for you.

I can definitely do that.

And I love a challenge.

Really, she can't be

all that bad, can she?

Eva's sisters gave her a cross

with Jesus on it for her birthday.

- The next day,Jesus was gone.

- You're kidding, right?

No. When you do it, you have to

make her fall in love with you,

then you tell her you're leaving

town and get her to go with you.

- Then you can dump her. It'll take her years to relocate.

- Yes!

Time out. I'm sorry. This ain't

my kind of thing, you know.

I'm a lover, not a con man. Mike,

let's hang out sometime, okay?

But, Ray-

Get him a drink.

Take another look at her.

That's not a zero.

But think about it, Ray.

You just had to bring up

theJesus thing.

He got muscles. I didn't

think he'd be scared of her.

Hey, I went out with that construction

guy yesterday. The cute one?

Mm-hmm. And you know

we ended up in the bed.

Did he have to take a number,

or was the line moving briskly?

Ooh!

No, no, tell it, please.

Ormandy, go.

Thank you, Eva.

Honey, he dropped his pants,

and he whipped it out

all proud.

And I said, "Oh, no.

Where's the rest of it?"

Ya have to put man in place

sometime, ya hear that?

- Did she just call me a b*tch?

- Right.

What's up?

- Hey!

Hey, baby.

Listen, Eva, I need to have a little

talk with you about the Dandridge fund.

Why is that, Michael?

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