Deliver Us from Eva Page #5

You're just gonna leave us

like that? Do not attack Eva.

She has sacrificed for us. I'm not!

Okay, okay, stop!

Please, stop it! Stop it!

If you don't want me to go,

Jacqui, I won't.

- It's not my decision.

- It is if you're gonna hate me for it.

I don't wanna lose your

friendship, any of you.

Jacqui doesn't mean it,

do you?

I do want you

to be happy, Eva.

So if going...

makes you happy,

I'm happy.

You sure?

- You promise?

Yeah.

Oh!

I love you, sister.

I love you too, sister.

Mm-hmm. We so pretty,

perfect and sh*t.

Hey, make sure you

cook that meat thoroughly.

I'd hate to tell you what kind

of things live in raw meat.

Please don't.

Thank you very much.

Babe. Is he eating those beans again?

What's wrong? I see Darrell

found my spicy baked beans.

- Give him the Heimlich.

- Separates the men from the boys.

- He knows better.

- No. See, give him some bread, you guys. Bread.

Baby, here, eat this. Eat

this. Here, here, here.

If you wanna help, stop making

these damn beans every function, Eva!

- What did you put in that stuff?

- Special recipe.

- It's only for a real man.

- I just wanna hear him talk.

Give him some more beans. Can he talk?

Oh, hey. I didn't know

Mike's friend was coming.

Oh, baby, listen. Why

don't you take care of this?

I'm gonna go over and say hello. Okay.

Excuse me, Eva.

Thankyou.

Ray, what's up? Yo!

He's really fine, Eva.

I'm not impressed

by that... much.

You say hi to Ray, man?

Give him a chance.

You gotta bend a little, girl.

Are you saying

I'm not accessible?

Yes, that is what

I'm saying, Eva.

You know, you're too good

of a person to be alone.

What's going on?

Everything's cool? Yeah.

I'm your sister, I love you,

and I'm asking you to bend.

Okay, but it's the fine ones

who leave you broke,

with bad credit

and a hair weave you don't need.

Mm-mm-mm!

Hello again, Eva.

Hi, Raymond.

Look here, I hope you don't

mind, but I invited Ray.

No, he's most welcome.

Look, I have to

go tell Darrell something.

I'll be right back.

Yeah, you know what? These

- We don't need to cook these.

Excuse us.

Good to see you.

So, Raymond, what is it

that you do again?

I deliver meat...

forJomo's.

Meat delivery.

Interesting.

Jomo's deals in only premium

meats, high-end clientele.

What about you?

I'm a health inspector.

- That sounds interesting too.

- I need a gurney for my ass.

See the man with flames

coming out of his ass?

We're gonna need backup.

Thank you. Squeeze and pull.

- How about we go get a plate of food?

- Sure. A nice hot one.

Two minutes and she

has not insulted him.

This could be very promising.

Mm-hmm. They feel good together to me.

So, you wanna go out

with me sometime?

Is your girlfriend coming too?

'Cause we could all play canasta...

or Parcheesi

or Taboo or something.

Well, she's, uh-

Actually, it's not working out.

We're not together anymore.

Oh.

As one car breaks down,

you just hop into another one?

I'd like to think that going

out with you is riding in a limo.

- I'm sorry. Did I insult you?

- No. No, it was very funny.

I just don't laugh a lot.

Lord, help me.

That's a good-looking man.

I can't keep

my legs together.

The sun comes up and you

can't keep your legs together.

Telly.

He's got sneaky eyes.

Jacqui,

don't you start.

I didn't make the man's eyes

all beady and shifty. Shh!

- What?

- You never answered my question.

What question was that?

Will you go out with me?

Look, Raymond, I know we just met,

and you seem like a really nice guy,

but I think I should tell you a

little something about myself. Okay.

I know the one thing

that scares men to death.

- What's that?

- I know the truth about them.

And the truth is, most men

don't really know what they want.

I've been through

all the basic types.

The playa-playas, who

think women are disposable toys.

The confused man, who doesn't know if

he wants to date you or your brother.

The lazy ones, who live with their mother

and expect you to pick up the check.

So if you really

wanna go out with me,

realize that it means

being a gentleman,

understand that it means

respecting my mind, body and spirit.

Eva, I'm not afraid

of you.

And I wanna go on record as

saying I totally respect...

your mind and your spirit.

- What about my body?

- It's beautiful.

- But will you respect it?

- I'll do anything to it you want me to.

Look at that. The corners of

your mouth actually turn up.

A smart-ass.

I like that.

So, will you

go out with me?

He's eating the beans.

He's eating the beans.

Oh, no, brother.

Don't do it, brother.

Ahhh!

Whoo! That's good.

That's really good.

- Kareenah sure can cook, huh?

- Actually, I made those beans.

Really?

You put your foot in them, girl.

Damn, I love spicy food.

- How about we go out this weekend?

- Sounds good.

Fabulous.

You're late.

I know.

I left early, but there was a

real bad accident on the street.

Really?

- Who told you I like lilies?

- Sometimes a man gets lucky.

Looks like somebody likes-

I was noticing all the pictures

of the horses.

You look good.

I love horses.

And thank you.

Here, uh,

let me take these from you.

You ever see the accident rates

on these things?

They're very dangerous.

No.

That's why I drive this.

Okay.

You're joking, right?

Nope.

This is what you drive

when you take out a woman?

Yeah. It's clean

and it's free.

I'm saving to buy a house. Oh.

I can understand that. Home

ownership is very important.

Does your mother live with you? No.

Even better.

My boss has been hinting

he might want to slow down.

Let somebody run

the day-to-day for him.

I think he might want me to do it.

That's great. When do you start?

I'm thinking about it. There is

nothing wrong with a little ambition.

I was a secretary in my department.

Now I'm the lead inspector.

I gave myself five years to

get there. I did it in four.

There you go, doing that thing

you do with your face again.

Just drive

your meat wagon, man.

Did you hear about the

black caveman they found?

They knew he was black by the curve

of his jaw, length of his spine,

Cadillac he was buried in.

You tell me a joke now. I'm not

a jokey-joke type person, so-

Okay.

How about a little music?

Ahh!

All right, all right.

Yeah.

I love this record.

This must be a pretty good restaurant,

you being a health inspector and all.

Oh, yeah. Most places

I can't even go to.

They try to poison me. But this place

- Oh, God, it's different.

The manager has O.C.D.

Obsessive-compulsive disorder.

He cleans all day long.

You could eat off the floors.

Sounds appetizing.

Oh, you think that's funny?

Did you know that if food

isn't prepared just right...

your throat can close up and

you can drown in your own vomit?

Oh, I'm hungry now.

Mmm!Just like

Mama used to make.

Okay. That's really funny, Raymond,

but I know when somebody's choking.

You can stop now.

Oh, my God. Call 911!

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