Delivery Man Page #4

Their guardian angel?

They need me.

They need a guardian angel.

They need someone to look out for them.

And I fathered them,

so it's my responsibility.

So, you're telling me that

your purpose on Earth is to look out for,

like a superhero, 533 children.

I didn't say "superhero."

Out of curiosity,

when you're looking out

for these children,

will you be wearing any kind of cape?

I didn't say "superhero."

I said "guardian angel."

So, no cape, but you will have wings

and play the harp.

I'm starting to feel more

and more comfortable

with this insanity plea.

I do not have mental problems.

Say it exactly like that to the judge.

Thanks.

Hey, there.

So, today is the first ultrasound.

David, look, I need... I need a friend.

- I'm a friend.

- I want that to be clear.

It's clear.

Okay, well, let's get going.

I drank a gallon of water

and I'm not allowed to pee

before the ultrasound.

- So, is that the leg there?

- That is.

Which one?

Which one's the leg?

The white spot that you see.

- And is that the head up high?

- That is the head up high.

- Okay.

- And we're gonna see the arm.

- That's amazing.

- Isn't it?

So, now all the organs are okay?

Yep. Perfect.

I just passed by the baby's head.

And there's the belly.

My God, do you see the belly?

And there's the whole baby.

That's incredible.

David, I'm not sure.

Not sure of what?

Look at them. They're monsters.

I mean, look at that one. Look at him.

Emma.

This is the most absolute beautiful thing

that can happen to anyone.

Who are you? The Dalai Lama?

What do you mean,

"the most beautiful thing"?

And look at that one.

He's eating his own booger.

It's a great source of protein.

Listen.

You are going to be a good mother.

So, here's what.

Since I absolutely

do not trust you at all...

What I'm gonna do is,

I'm gonna declare you the father.

- Yes!

- No, David, wait.

I'm gonna declare you the father

on probation.

- "Father on probation"?

- Yeah. You get no slack.

For how long?

Forever.

Will our child have to call me

"Daddy On Probation"?

No.

Will I have to wear a uniform

that will separate me

from the regular daddies?

- No.

- Then, I accept.

We're having a kid. We're having a kid!

Yes.

Your name?

- Earl Monroe.

- And you are?

A friend.

He's over there.

Great.

Thank you.

You're not going to visit with him?

No. I...

I just wanted to stop by

and see him, and...

- Well, now I have, so...

- He would really enjoy it.

Yeah, but...

Don't worry, just say

whatever comes to mind.

Hey, Ryan.

One, two, three.

Earl Monroe.

You did good.

I said nothing the whole time.

I couldn't get a word out.

You were there. You did really good.

Okay.

Great.

In Athabasca, we set a fire

To the world we left far behind

All the faces, we put away

Lost lives float into space

I got a message, I got a sign

Through the wires swinging in time

It's so simple, it's like the sun

Shines down on everyone

Black bird, from the blue

I give my love to get used

Our hopes come true

Sabrina!

Hi. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

- You are late.

- I know, I'm sorry.

Thank you very much.

Excuse me.

Sorry.

Excuse me.

Look, if we really want

to find out who Starbuck is,

we need these guys to help us

put together the strategy

to make sure that this thing

doesn't turn into a circus.

- We don't have the money.

- We can do it on our own.

The objective wouldn't be

to always have them there.

I think if we just take the time

to check out what they've proposed...

I simply wanted

to express the fact

that I feel we were better off

without them.

Yes, gentleman in the blue.

Do you have a comment?

I just want to say that...

I don't know all of you here.

But...

But you're all focused, a lot,

on finding Starbuck.

But, whatever happens,

you're all brothers and sisters.

You've all found one another.

- Hey!

- Hey!

- Hi.

- Hi.

What are you doing here?

I'm... Yeah... You know, I'm...

I'm the father.

I'm the adoptive father.

I'm Ryan's adoptive father.

- Ryan?

- He's not here tonight.

He's at a home for the disabled.

He's disabled,

and he just couldn't make it.

- Hey!

- Hey.

Kristen. This is...

- Taylor.

- Yeah. Taylor saved my life.

He saved my life at the pool.

He's a lifeguard.

And I'm the adoptive father of Ryan,

and he couldn't be here,

because he's handicapped.

You're the father of one of the children?

- Adoptive.

- Oh, wow.

- How's it going?

- Hey, hey, hey, Josh!

Yeah.

- Josh, this is Taylor, and this is Kristen.

- How's it going?

Josh worked at a coffee shop,

and he is now an actor.

Josh, this is Taylor.

Taylor is a lifeguard.

He saved my life a few months ago.

And this is Kristen. Orders pizza.

She is also an ex-drug addict.

And I'm the adoptive father

of a young disabled man

who couldn't be here.

And his name is Ryan.

Hey, you're the guy from the park.

- Hey.

- How are you?

Great.

Josh, Kristen and Taylor.

- Hey.

- How are you?

What's up? Adam.

Kristen has got a great job,

and she's still...

Yep, I'm still working at Bloomingdale's.

So the job, which is great.

Everyone's doing great.

And I'm the adoptive father

of a disabled...

Young disabled man.

Ryan, who was obviously...

Unfortunately, was in conflict

with some of the disabled days

of doing the activities and

stuff that we're involved in.

So, I got the stuff for him.

I gotta run out of here.

But everyone looks good.

- Good to see you.

- Great. Great to see you.

Taxi!

As of tonight, you are officially part of

a mass action lawsuit against yourself.

What the hell are you doing here?

A bit of reconnaissance work.

What the hell are you doing here?

I was following one of my kids...

But why are you doing this?

Who does things like that?

I don't know, I was curious.

- Stop!

- Stop what?

Stop everything for the rest of your life.

Every time you have an idea,

I want you to come to me,

and as your friend,

I will shoot your idea down.

You're not a normal person, David.

I am a normal person.

David, we've known each other

for 20 years.

I can tell you for a fact,

you are not normal.

I'm very normal.

Really?

- What about Mariouka?

- I don't see the point...

Five years ago,

you married a Russian woman

that you had never met.

She needed to get into the country,

and she promised to clean

my apartment for a year.

And she disappeared after three days

with her real husband.

David, how much money

did you lose importing Cuban cigars?

That guy looked very honest.

He was in his bathing suit!

Since when does anybody do business

with a man in his bathing suit?

Listen, for the first time in my life,

I think I'm doing the right thing.

You're not doing the right thing.

Stop seeing your kids!

Where's our money?

I'll get it! I said I'll get it.

It's now $100, 000.

So, I really need you

to lend me some cash.

Tony. It's David. Yeah...

Hello?

Phil! Buddy, how are you?

Rob!

Nelson!

All right, don't worry, man. I understand.

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