Demoted Page #6

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Okay, yesterday, you spilled

a full box of paper clips

into my paper shredder.

- It was an accident.

- And before that,

you connected my conference call

to a Chinese restaurant.

Ordering your Chinese takeout.

And there were

a lot of lines going,

and one of them was

a three-way call and--

Okay, you know what?

Speaking of three-way,

what about the porn

that you synced to my BlackBerry?

Are you sure that wasn't

already there?

Which, by the way,

I cannot get off.

- ( Knocks on door)

- Yes?

Excuse me, Miss Holland.

I just wondered if I could

borrow Mike for a minute.

I've got an errand

I need him to run.

Don't you have your own

secretary, Kenny?

- Ken.

- It's Ken.

And she's a bit preoccupied.

I got her over at my place

waiting for the cable guy, so...

Fine. Go.

All right, cleaned and pressed

this time, all right?

- And tell them--

- Don't push it, Kenny.

You don't push it.

New secretaries--

sometimes it takes a little bit

to break 'em in, you know?

Not really.

I don't send my secretaries out

on personal errands.

Oh.

Well, you should.

It's fantastic.

It's like having

little elves, you know?

All right, so how's it going?

How are you liking Treadline?

- A fun group, huh?

- Yes, very fun.

Yeah, we try to-- we try to,

you know, have fun.

Okay. Bye-bye.

Okay, thanks.

Sometimes, you know,

we'll go after work

and we'll go to Ding Dongs and--

you know, they have a sports--

- Thank you, no.

- Oh, you gotta go. It's fun.

I was gonna get a group of people--

maybe not even a group.

You don't want to get overwhelmed.

Why don't we go down-- the two of us?

- Huh?

- No.

Anyway, I'm-- you know,

I'm over in that side of the hall.

And my door is always

open to you.

Okay, could you--

could you close my door?

- Yeah, yeah, sure.

- Thank you.

You know, I meant that

in, like, a spiritual way,

so that it was like, you know--

it's a symbolic thing.

So the door may be closed,

but, hey, it's open to you.

You know, could you

open the door,

you out, close?

Than ks.

- Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, you're busy.

- Yes, very busy.

Um, okay.

Well, I will let you get to it.

- Okay, goodbye.

- Goodbye.

Goodbye.

Thank you, Ken.

Okay. Hey, do you like

Greek food?

No, no, I don't eat.

- Lamb?

- No.

- A vegetarian, eh?

- Okay. Uh-huh. Bye-bye.

- Ship up, shape out.

- "Ship out." Thank you.

Do you--

do you like movies?

No. No, I don't.

- How about TV?

- No.

All right.

Um, well, if you get hungry--

- Thanks. Bye-bye.

- Are you fixed good for cash?

- I'm great. Thank you so much.

- Okay. All right.

Goodbye.

Goodbye. Okay.

- Ken:
This will be it.

- That's it.

( Exhales )

Wow.

You should have seen her.

I mean, she completely bailed me out.

Well, that is great for you.

Meanwhile, my boss thinks

I'm an idiot

and Castro's got me running around

like his personal slave.

The good news is

I've dropped, like, two sizes

drinking this stuff.

(woman sobbing )

(sniffling )

So at dinner

we got really buzzed

off Dreamsicle daiquiris.

It was really romantic.

And then we did

the whole movie thing.

And he put his arm

around me

and we shared a Coke.

And I looked up

at the screen.

There were those cute little

snack guys

telling you to go

to the lobby

and get yourselves a treat.

And so I was like,

"Hell, yeah, he deserves a treat."

You know, so I just gave him

a quick hand job

underneath his popcorn bowl.

And then we went

back to his house.

And it was so amazing,

you guys.

We did it twice

on the balcony.

And the second time

he had me doggy-style.

And it was so beautiful.

We were looking over

the city lights.

And the exact moment

he spooged,

a shooting star went by.

It was magical,

like a f***ing Disney movie.

But then I come in here today

and he completely ignores me.

It's like he just used me

for sex or something.

All the guys here

are such jerks.

( Sobbing )

And she's screaming,

"Oh, O'Donnell, you're so big."

And I'm like, "Damn straight I am."

And she's like--

- O'Donnell, O'Donnell,

- O'Donnell, your ass is mine.

- Hey, what's up, guys?

- Don't "What's up" us.

We just finished having a little

conversation with our friend Tina.

You remember

who Tina is, don't you?

Come on, guys,

I mean, that chick's a whore.

Everybody in the office

has boned her.

She's not a whore.

She's an angel.

- ( Coughing )

- Here's what's gonna happen:

You're gonna apologize and then

you're gonna buy her some flowers.

Yeah, big ones.

Two dozen red roses.

Do you have any idea

how much that's gonna cost me?

Okay, man, just put down the stapler.

Man, just put down the stapler.

( Coughing )

And that goes for the rest

of you clowns.

Any of you mess with our girls--

you'll have to deal with us.

Hell, yeah.

Maybe we can get her into,

like, an AA program

for women addicted to dick.

Yeah, that's a good idea.

Like DA-- D*cks Anonymous?

Yeah.

( Birds screeching )

This is a great

change of pace, Earl.

Actually, do you mind if I call

you Earl? Can I call you Earl?

Actually, no, you can't.

See, Rodney,

I ain't like other bosses.

I like to get out of the office

every once in a while

and have some fun.

Oh, I love fun.

Fun and me are like best pals.

Everybody, this is Rodney.

Rodney, this here is

the killing crew.

Rodney, we're gonna give you

approximately--

what do you think, boys?

About five minutes?

We're gonna give you

a five-minute head start.

A five-minute head start

for what?

- Ow. Ow. Ow.

-( men laughing)

F*** me. Jesus Christ.

What are you doing?

You're our prey today, son.

You'd best get moving, boy.

- ( Guns clicking )

- Oh, sh*t.

Ow.

Hmm.

You know what?

F*** the five minutes.

Let's go get some

fresh meat, boys.

Hooah!

( Phone ringing )

- Hello.

- Mike:
Hey, where are you?

It's lunchtime.

I'm starving.

I'm about ready to eat

this freakin' memo pad.

Yeah, I'm not actually gonna

make lunch today.

I've got a bit of a situation

here, Mikey.

- Are you running?

- Yes, I'm f***ing running.

Oh, f***.

Hey, guys.

Hey, you win.

- Oh, sh*t.

- Light him up.

( Rodney screaming )

Argh! Ow. Ow.

Paintball? It all just seems

a little macho to me.

Honey, I told you it was a bonding

exercise with my sales team.

Besides, I'm their boss.

They have to know

that I'm a great leader,

that I can kick some ass, which,

by the way, is exactly what I did.

Are you sure it wasn't

the other way around?

Oh, these?

Are you kidding me?

You know what these are?

These are defensive wounds, okay?

I got these

shielding my teammates.

Oh, okay, so you were--

you were, like,

protecting them?

Yes. Yes, hell, yeah.

- That's hot.

- Yeah. You like that?

That's really hot.

Really hot? You want me to show

you exactly how I did it?

- I do.

- Okay, put that magazine down.

Here I come.

- Come here.

- It's all this paint.

- Ow. Ow. Ow.

- Oh, honey.

- Ow. F***.

- Honey, oh.

No, no, it's not your fault.

It's not your fault.

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