Desk Set Page #9

I had the most awful time finding you.

Things are odd around here today.

Uh, well, yes.

As a matter of fact, Miss Warriner,

I don't think it was a good idea

your coming here today.

What do you say we let this whole thing

go until after Christmas?

You'll get a terribly wrong

impression of the place today.

Oh, I can discount that. I'm just

interested in the physical layout.

We're going to be crowded in here.

We could move this desk forward.

Or maybe leave it where it is

and I could use it for my punch card.

Get away from this desk!

This desk is mine!

What is this, Richard?

What's going to happen here?

Uh, well, you see, Miss Warriner

is an expert in electronics,

and she'll be

in charge of EMMARAC.

She'll be installed here...

That is, of course, EMMARAC

will be installed here on Monday.

According to Mr. Sumner's figures,

it will save, in this department alone,

How ingenious of Mr. Sumner.

Why don't we all go over to the Plaza

and have that drink we were, uh...

Why don't you and Miss EMMARAC

go over and hoist a few?

- Miss Warriner.

- Oh, I am sorry.

- I have such a terrible memory.

- Really?

And you chose to go into reference work

with a bad memory?

Be careful. You're in

the major leagues here. Come on.

Look, uh...

And a very Merry Christmas to you, too.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Somebody say something funny.

I'll do it.

Hello?

Yes. Yes, I can.

"'Twas the night before Christmas,

"when all through the house not a

creature was stirring, not even a mouse.

"The stockings were hung

by the chimney with care...

"in hopes that St. Nicholas

soon would be there.

"The children were nestled

all snug in their beds,

while visions of sugarplums

danced in their heads."

Good girl. Good girl!

Miss Costello, please!

These doors must be kept closed.

You know how sensitive EMMARAC is

to changes in temperature.

So sorry. Here are the rest

of Bartlett's quotations.

Thank you. Ooh!

Everything's so dusty back there.

One thing we don't like,

don't like at all, is a speck of dust.

Do we, Miss Em?

- Here we are.

- Oh, the door. The door! Please!

- What about the doors?

- You must remember to keep them closed.

Emmy gets pneumonia in a draft.

Oh, Emmy.

Oh, please, Miss Blair, really!

Well, if we do have to leave,

they're sure making it easy for us.

Doesn't Kenny usually

bring our paychecks earlier?

Yes.

- Why is he so late today?

- There's probably something extra in it.

- Like a pink slip, so big.

- And it's very polite.

What it boils down to is, good-bye

and don't slam the door on your way out.

Where's Emmy's mother?

She came in contact with Sylvia,

so she's out scrubbing up.

City Morgue. Can I help you?

Ooh! They hung up.

Ah, there you are.

The complete history of the American

buffalo. It, too, is becoming extinct.

- Thank you.

- You're welcome.

- Well, Miss Em is ready to go.

- She's not the only one.

That's the little key that

fascinates me, this little red one here.

- We try never to use that key.

- Why not?

It's too technical to explain to the

lay mind, but Miss Emmy doesn't like it.

She's liable to act up and make a lot

of rude noises.

Good morning, ladies. All you boys

know Miss Watson, of course.

Well, gentlemen, there she is...

EMMARAC, the modern miracle.

Mr. Sumner, would you mind

explaining just...

No, no. Not at all. Miss Warriner,

how's everything going?

Miss Emmy is digesting everything

just beautifully, Mr. Sumner.

Good, good. Now, gentlemen,

the purpose of this machine,

of course, is to free the worker...

- You can say that again.

- Uh, to free the worker...

from routine and repetitive tasks...

and liberate his time

for more important work.

Now, for example, you see all those

books there and the ones up there?

Every fact in them has been fed into

Emmy. Now, what do you have there?

- This is Hamlet.

- That's Hamlet?

- Yes. The entire text.

- In code, of course.

Now, these little cards

create electronic impulses,

which are accepted

and retained by the machine...

so that in the future

if anybody calls up...

and wants a quotation from Hamlet,

the research worker types it

into the machine here,

Emmy goes to work,

and the answer comes out here.

- And it never makes a mistake.

- Well...

Now, that's not entirely accurate.

Emmy can make a mistake.

But only if the human element

makes the mistake first.

Tell me, Bunny, has EMMARAC

been helping you any?

Well, frankly,

it hasn't started to give yet.

For the past two weeks,

we've just been feeding it information.

But I think you could say that it will

provide more leisure for more people.

- Thank you, Miss Watson. Thank you.

- Not at all.

Now, is there any question one of you

gentlemen would like to ask the machine?

- I have a question.

- Oh? What is it?

The spruce bud worm.

How much damage is done annually to the

American forest by the spruce bud worm?

- Ah, Miss Warriner?

- That took me three weeks.

I know. I know.

How much damage...

is done annually

to American forests...

by the spruce bud worm?

What was the answer,

Bunny? Remember?

$138,464,359...

and, uh, some cents.

Well, now let's see

what Emmy has to say.

$138,464,359...

and 12 cents.

Now, how long did that take

your department, Miss Watson?

Oh, 45 minutes.

Well, even at that, you can see

that this one operation alone...

- saved your department 44 minutes.

- Good! Great!

And now I want these men to see

the machine we've installed in Payroll.

Well, now, of course, that's an entirely

different operation, you understand.

It's purely mathematical.

It deducts the income taxes,

hospitalization...

- Paychecks, everybody.

- Hi, Kenny.

- Hi.

- Thanks.

- Here you go.

- Mm-hmm.

Me. Ruthie.

Uh, Peg.

Sylvia.

Oh, who's afraid? Come on.

All together, hmm? Oh.

Huh. Not only that, they took out

for Blue Cross again this week.

Well, now that I've got it,

I feel better.

- At least I can stop worrying.

- Sure.

How long does it take before you start

collecting unemployment insurance?

Two weeks.

I looked it up.

Let's not get maudlin. We'll show

this bunch. We'll open our own network.

It's gonna take a moving van

to get me out of here.

Help me, everybody.

When I think of all the junk

I've collected in 11 years.

- I've got some cartons in the back.

- I'll help you.

Where to start?

All that stuff in the desk

is mine personally.

Oh, the coffeepot is mine.

Those books on the top shelf,

I mustn't forget them.

- They're worth an awful lot of... Peg!

- What's the matter?

My philodendron!

- What will I do with my philodendron?

- Yeah, what?

Maybe I oughta dump all the plant food

in and head it toward Emmy.

- Well, here we are.

- Oh, those are great.

Even if we do get other jobs,

we won't be together.

- I'll miss all of you terribly.

- Don't worry, Ruthie.

We'll get together once a year

regularly, like the Ziegfeld girls.

I'd like to see you get that

on the Lexington Avenue bus.

I'll say it's alive

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