Desperate Living Page #5

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- Oh, no!

- Come on!

- Leave me alone!

- It won't hurt.

- Just leave me alone!

- Come on!

No! Go away!

- We'll have a good time.

- Leave me alone! Stop!

- I wanna...

- Go away!

- Leave me alone!

- Freak.

Please, just go away.

Oh, God! Please just go away!

Just leave me alone!

Oh, God! No!

- Flipper! Yeah!

- Oh, God! Get off!

I'm not trying

to be rude, really...

but I can't stay

in here any longer.

What's the matter?

Don't you like fun?

This is not my idea of fun.

Grizelda, please walk me

back to the house.

Loosen up a bit.

I have no desire

to be a loose person...

and you should stop drinking

before you get dead drunk.

Oh, come on.

I'll walk you back.

I don't get you, Peggy.

You leech onto us

and then all you do is complain.

Let the little

babies go home.

Boy, if you

don't like this bar...

there is really

something wrong with you.

Kill him, Flip!

Get him, Flipper!

Hit him! Come on, you guys!

Bye-bye, sweetie.

See you next Tuesday.

Same time, same place.

Bye!

You lazy b*tch! I'm out

workin' my tail off all day...

and you're in there

f***in' midgets.

Isn't that the pits?

Flipper,

now don't start that sh*t.

She's just an old

friend of mine.

Come on, now.

Get in here.

Friend, my ass.

You've turned my apartment...

into your own private

passion pit, haven't you?

You better cram it.

Not in front of company.

Sorry if we

interrupted anything.

You didn't interrupt

anything, Mole.

Flipper's so jealous, she thinks

the toilets I sit on...

is her competition.

Now what can I do for ya?

Tryin' to find today's paper.

You got one, Shotsie?

I got one around here somewhere.

Just wait a minute here.

Hey, all right. Here you go.

There it is.

"Maryland lottery listings."

Here they are.

"O-8-5-5-5... 3-2-1!"

We did it, Muffy!

- We're rich!

- I want my own chauffeur!

- We won $1,000.

- Thank you, God!

Shut up, Muffy.

Look at all those dummies.

Come on, you apes. Hurry up.

Let's be quick.

Look at those dummies.

Attention! The Honorable

Queen Carlotta of Mortville!

- We honor you, Queen Carlotta.

- Hail Queen Carlotta!

- Out of my way! Come on!

- We honor you, Queen Carlotta.

Hey, morons, you got

your clothes on backwards.

Oh, gosh. This is fun.

Hi, stupid! Hi, ugly!

That senile old c*nt.

I wish I had a rifle

with a telescopic lens in it.

I'd help you

pull the trigger, Mole.

Squeaky Fromme, where are you

when we need you?

I can't resist.

That hog face is too much

of a moving target to ignore.

God damn it!

Who threw that?

Oh, Herbert. We're safe now.

I'm sorry I had to

drag you all that way...

but those silly nudists

wanted to bury you.

I love you, too, my darling.

Mother can't hurt us now.

We'll get married tonight.

Oh, you don't look so well.

I hope you perk up

for our honeymoon.

What the hell is this?

I'm sorry. I know it's rude

to bring my lover here...

especially since

I don't even know you...

but my mother's army's

trying to kill my Herbert.

Young woman,

that man is already dead.

No, he's not.

He's just asleep.

Aren't you, Herbert?

Say hi to the nice ladies.

You'd better get

your lily-white ass...

out of here

before we all get shot.

Please don't kick me out.

They're looking for me...

and my mother'll lock me up

in the castle if she finds me.

You obviously belong

in a mental hospital.

Look who's callin'

the kettle black.

She's just upset.

Now be easy on her.

I will not!

I don't want some renegade

necrophile princess...

as my roommate.

It's just for a few days.

Don't be so selfish.

Selfish? I'll show you selfish.

Get out of here, mongoloid!

Take your stinking corpse

of a boyfriend with you.

Oh, Herbert, this

lady's being so mean to me.

Don't cry, Princess.

I'll try and

help you some way.

There, there.

Everything's gonna be all right.

Go ahead. Feel her up,

just like you did to me.

Find 'em, feel 'em,

f*** 'em, forget 'em!

Is that your new motto?

Zip that gaping hole

of a mouth up, Peggy...

before I plug it up

with my fist.

You're just like all the rest of

the common dykes in this town.

What the hell do you mean, dyke?

A fat dyke!

Help, police!

The princess is in my house!

You're under arrest

by order of Her Highness...

the Queen Carlotta.

What's going on in here?

What's happening in here?

Come on, you little b*tch.

Get out of there. Get up.

Your mother's

waiting to see you.

Come on!

Those snotty b*tches

wrecked our guest house.

I should've gotten a security

deposit from those a**holes.

You let riffraff in...

and they bring the neighborhood

down every time.

Look, baby, I got to get

my ass into Baltimore...

to claim our money

and do some shoppin'.

Will you be all right

while I'm gone?

Oh, sure. I'll be fine,

but you be careful.

All right, then. Lock those

doors and don't f*** any men.

Oh, go! Go take it off!

Let's see some ass!

Strip faster!

Let's see some private areas.

Oh, I see London.

Oh, I see France.

Spread those legs, baby!

Yes, sirree! A Hollywood love!

Come on. That love muscle,

I want to see it.

Come on over here

with that thing.

You're a wicked little boy!

Gettin' me all heated up,

aren't you?

I'm gonna have

to give you a spankin'.

I've been a bad little boy,

haven't I, Your Highness?

You certainly have, Grogan.

Now, get up here

with that behind.

Come on, over my knee,

you little bastard!

This'll teach you

to arouse royalty!

Harder!

- May I get up, Your Majesty?

- Yes, get up, stupid.

I hope you didn't leave

no pecker tracks on my gown.

May I get dressed, Your Majesty?

Yes, please do. Your body

has a certain odor about it...

that always annoys me!

- An odor, Your Majesty?

- Yes, a wretched stench.

I wash daily, Your Majesty.

Wash harder in the future.

There is a noticeable odor zone

somewhere on your body...

and I'd appreciate it

if you could locate it...

and deodorize it.

I'll try and correct it,

Your Majesty.

Oh, we can't all be perfect,

Lieutenant Grogan.

Come on over here

and sit besides my feet.

I honor you, Queen Carlotta.

You honor me, but certain

commoners in this town...

obviously don't.

Someone threw a mudball

at me today.

If only I had a little

pink button to push...

that could wipe out this town.

Tell me, is it possible

to get me a hydrogen bomb?

- I doubt it, Your Majesty.

- How about germ warfare?

Do you know anything

about that?

You mean poisoning

the population?

Yes, that sounds like

a fun project. How about rabies?

Could we spread that

disease inexpensively?

I think so, Your Majesty.

All we need is some rabid

bat pus to make a serum.

Fine! Let's try it.

Rabid bat pus...

and let's put in a little

rat piss for good luck.

- You're a genius, Your Majesty.

- I know. I know.

You let me out of here, Mummy!

You murderess! You rat!

Stinking fascist slug!

Swine.

Your Majesty, Herbert

the garbage man is dead...

and thanks to this noble

peasant woman...

we have captured Coo-Coo

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