Detectorists Page #5

Season #2 Episode #13

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He takes out his phone.

ART:

For what reason? This is a public

right of way, we have as much right

as you to be on this land...

LANCE:

(on his phone)

Police please...

ART:

Just hold on....

LANCE:

Hello there, yes I’m up in a field

off the Birchwood Road and I’ve just

come across a couple, I assume

they’re a couple, canoodling in a

ditch...

ART:

I know you’re not on the phone...

Lance hold up his hand to silence them...

LANCE:

Um... if I had to describe them I

would probably say... do you

remember Simon and Garfunkel?...

Detectorists - Episode 2 - 30.

That’s right... ‘Mrs. Robinson’

that’s right

ART:

I know you’re not on the phone.

(to Simon)

Come on.

They turn and skulk off down the path.

Andy and Lance watch them go.

Sophie comes forward.

SOPHIE:

Who were they?

LANCE:

Antiquisearchers.

BISHOP (V.O.)

Hey there!

They turn around to see Farmer Bishop striding across the

field towards them.

BISHOP:

Don’t worry, they won’t bite!

They’re just being friendly!

Sophie looks around for the dogs, confused. Andy shakes his

head, ‘I’ll tell you later’.

Bishop approaches carrying an old shoebox under his arm.

BISHOP:

Been looking for you chaps.

Found something for you.

LANCE:

Hello Larry, this is Sophie. *

BISHOP:

Pleasure, pleasure. Here now, this

is what I was telling you about. Old

Man Adam found these when he was

ploughing god knows how long ago,

thirty, forty years I should think.

They’re probably nothing.

He opens the shoebox and they peer in. Caked in dried mud

are a couple of bejewelled metal objects, a sword pommel and

a clasp.

Andy and Lance are momentarily speechless.

LANCE:

You know what, you’re right, *

probably worthless.

Detectorists - Episode 2 - 31.

BISHOP:

(handing Lance the box)

Well they’re yours if you want them.

Lance steps back, doesn’t even want to touch the box.

LANCE:

No, no. You hang on to them, Larry.

Do you know where they were ploughedup?

*

BISHOP:

Not exactly. But it wasn’t in the

paddock. You don’t want to godigging around down there. Stay outof the paddock.

*

*

*

Will do.

LANCE *

Bishop takes the gold clasp from the box.

BISHOP (CONT’D)

What would you say that was made of?

Brass?

LANCE:

Could be brass. Could be brass.

216 EXT. BISHOP’S FARM TRACK/ ALT FIELD - DAY 216

Lance is striding purposefully down a track with Andy andSophie trotting along behind him.

ANDY:

We have to tell him.

LANCE:

Tell him what?

ANDY:

You know damn well what. That was

gold!

So?

LANCE:

SOPHIE:

We have a responsibility to reportit.

Lance is climbing over a stile, he stops to address them.

LANCE:

Wrong. We don’t have any

responsibility to do anything. It’snothing to do with us.

Detectorists - Episode 2 - 32.

You tell him what that is and he’ll

be straight on the phone to the *

Eastern Daily Press and this place

will be crawling with stubble

surfers before you can say

“Staffordshire Hoard”. There’ll be

plenty of time to report to our

local ‘Finds Liaison Officer’ when

we find something.

ANDY:

But this is could be a site of real

importance.

LANCE:

Let’s hope so.

He unsheathes his detector and fires it up.

LANCE:

Listen. I’m not trying to do

anything underhand or illegal. We

didn’t find those things, ‘Old Man

Adam’ did forty years ago. When we

find something we’ll go through the

correct channels and declare it. All

above board. But let’s find it

first. Agreed?

They nod agreement.

His detector emits a high pitched whine. A good signal.

LANCE:

See?

Told you!

The Venerable Bede was full of sh*t.

Andy and Sophie watch with bated breath as he digs a plug.

He retrieves the target and stands up, examining it in his

hand, brushing off the dirt.

SOPHIE:

What is it?

ANDY:

What you got?

LANCE:

Ford Mustang.

END CREDITS:

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