Detroit Rock City Page #7

LEX:

Smug, Trip! Not snug, smug.

Hawk bursts into the bathroom.

HAWK:

We're clear, dudes.

They run to exit. Hawk first. Suddenly, Hawk backs up again

into Trip and Lex as if a swarm of killer bees was out there.

HAWK:

A skirt just came around the corner.

Hawk, Trip, and Lex run back and pile into the last stall.

All three stand on the toilet bracing their arms against the

walls for balance.

A FOXY GIRL hurries into the stall next to theirs. We see

the top halves of three heads peek over the stall's partition.

The three boys don't make a sound as they watch her sit down.

As she glances up, they recoil fast. They whisper super-quiet.

HAWK:

That's Sherry VanHafton.

LEX:

I've been in love with her since the

second grade.

Then, a SOUND OF TINKLING. They all throw their hands over

their mouths to stifle the giggles. Suddenly, POOT! She lets

out an ECHOED FART. The boys are awestruck.

HAWK:

Whoa... she just farted.

LEX:

I have never heard a girl squeeze

cheese in my entire life.

HAWK:

Weird...

Pause.

TRIP:

Peeeyeewww! That stinks!

Just then, the SOUND OF CRACKING PORCELAIN, as the toilet

they're standing on breaks into pieces with a SMASH. They

topple over pulling the stall walls down with them exposing

the foxy chick sitting on the can. Water GUSHES everywhere

as she screams bloody murder, getting doused ruining her

Farrah-do.

They bolt out the door slipping and sliding across the torrent

of toilet water. Lex turns and shrugs to the traumatized

girl.

LEX:

Heh-heh, sorry.

He's gone.

CALLER 106 / ELVIS ATTACKS

INT. MRS. BRUCE'S CAR - DAY

Mrs. Bruce uses a finished cigarette to light another.

MRS. BRUCE

Someday you'll have a son just like

you, Jeremiah. A boy who lies through

his teeth, buys demonic records, and

smokes the dope just like you.

JAM:

(numbly)

If I'm anything like you, I'll deserve

him.

MRS. BRUCE

What?!

JAM:

I said, I'm sorry!

MRS. BRUCE

If you truly are sorry, son, then

you better pray like you've never

prayed before. God willed me to find

those tickets because He wanted to

hear from you. He knows you need

help and He wants you to ask Him for

it.

EXT. ST. BERNARD'S - DAY

Mrs. Bruce's car turns off the road and drives through an

imposing set of wrought iron gates. The sign reads: St.

Bernard's Veil of Tears. A School for Catholic Boys.

INT. MRS. BRUCE'S CAR - DAY

Jam looks at what lies ahead. His face becomes a mask of

pure terror. We hear a THUNDER CLAP as Jam puts his hands

together and closes his eyes humbling himself. He whispers.

JAM:

Please, God, help.

EXT. ST. BERNARD'S - DAY

The car winds up the path leading to a dark, Gothic edifice

over which tumultuous storm clouds continuously hover. THUNDER

BELCHES and bolts of lightning shoot at the blackened

crucifixes along the structure. We hear a SCARY ORGAN theme.

INT. VOC/TECH DEPT. - DAY

Except for the tinkering NOISES that are heard as the STUDENTS

work on their projects, there is silence in Electronics Class.

The teacher, MR. JOHANSEN, sips from a coffee cup and reads

a newspaper, his feet on the desk. The headline says: "Mass

Suicide in Jonestown. Cyanide in the Kool-Aid." Above him is

a long banner reading: "Sorry, Absolutely no bathroom breaks".

Hawk, Trip, and Lex sit before a half-built radio on a work

bench, sheer desperation etched on their faces.

Lex solders two copper wires together. Hawk attaches a dial.

Trip absently plays with a squeeze pump attached to a long

plastic tube. He blows air into his face repeatedly with it.

TRIP:

(re:
squeeze pump/tube)

Wonder if you could smoke sh*t out

of this?

HAWK:

Maybe some tunage'll chase those

blues away.

Hawk turns the radio on and a HIGH FREQUENCY WHINE pours

from its speaker. He adjusts the volume, then the tuner,

until a DJ's VOICE comes through crisp and clear.

DJ'S VOICE

...and this is Simple Simon on the

rock of Detroit, W.A.R.P., home of

the biggest KISS giveaway in the

history of the universe!

Detroit? DETROIT? Hawk, Trip, and Lex react like they've

just been hit by phasers on stun. God is intervening.

DJ'S VOICE

I got four, count 'em, four front

row tickets along with four backstage

passes to the concert tonight at

Cobo Hall and I'm giving them to the

106th caller who can tell me the

real names of each KISS band member!

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