Detroit Rock City Page #8

HIGH FREQUENCY NOISES again, then the radio loses reception.

Hawk exchanges an anxious glance with Trip and Lex.

LEX:

Too bad we're stuck in electronics

or...

HAWK:

Never mind with the too bad sh*t. I

got a crazy plan, but only the

craziest among us can pull it off.

DISSOLVE TO:
MOMENTS LATER

Mr. Johansen still sits with his feet up, reading. The next

page's headline reads: First Test Tube Baby Born.

Trip runs up to Mr. J's desk, one hand behind his back, the

other on his crotch. His face is drawn in an expression of

sheer agony. Hawk and Lex watch anxiously in the background.

MR.J

Mr. Verudi, get back to your bench.

Trip puts one leg over the other always keeping a hand behind

his back.

TRIP:

But I gotta take a piss like you

would not believe, Mr. Johansen!

MR.J

Put a clothespin on it till the end

of class, Verudi. You know my rule.

TRIP:

But ever since my doctor put me on

salt pills, it's been like Niagara

Falls every half hour! Please, Mr.

J! Have mercy!

Suddenly, a wet stain grows across the crotch of Trip's pants.

MR.J

Salt pills? Don't insult my

intelligence, Verudi...

Mr. J. stops when he sees the stain starting to spread.

TRIP:

Jeezis, I'm taking a leak in my pants!

We now see Trip is squeezing the pump from before. He holds

it behind him feeding water into the tube running down the

back of his pants.

The stain travels fast, hitting Trip's knee in a nanosecond.

In a state of shock, Mr. J. slowly opens a long forgotten

drawer on his desk, finding a cobweb and dust-covered pad of

bathroom passes. He tears one off and dust flies everywhere.

He holds the pass out to Trip like it was a cross he was

holding before an advancing vampire.

MR.J

(hoarsely)

Get the hell out of here, Verudi!

You disgust me!

Hawk and Lex observe that Trip has been successful, then do

a Three Stooges-style handshake, whispering "Curly!"

INT. FRONT OFFICE - DAY

The SECRETARY sits at her desk in the reception area filing

paperwork. She pauses when she hears RUNNING FOOTSTEPS. Trip

charges past, a big, wet stain on his crotch.

The secretary notices the pump and tube flopping from the

back of his pants as Trip turns a corner.

INT. MAIN CORRIDOR - DAY

Trip runs up to a pay phone on the wall, pumps every nickel

he has into it, puts the phone to his ear and dials.

TRIP:

I need to be connected to the W.A.R.P.

contest hotline... Now... lady!...

Hello, is this me? I'm Trip.

INT. SCHOOL SECURITY OFFICE - DAY

A cubby-of-an-office. Cluttered beyond belief. Elvis leans

back on his chair against the wall reading a PLOP Magazine.

A transistor radio plays W.A.R.P. He bolts at the sound of

Trip's name causing his chair to slide out from under him.

THWAM!

TRIP ON RADIO:

Am I on the air?... Yeah... Gene

Klein, Stanley Eisen, Paul Frehley,

and Peter, uh, Criscoula... yeah,

that's it!

INT. FRONT OFFICE - DAY

The secretary hears an ecstatic "YEEEHAAWW" and turns to see

Trip wheeling back around the corner, leaping in the air as

he runs, YOWLING like a rodeo cowboy. He bounds past her.

She watches him and shakes her head.

SECRETARY:

(to herself)

Moron.

INT. SECURITY OFFICE - DAY

Still on the floor, Elvis grabs the little radio with rage,

flips it off and screams at it.

ELVIS:

Why you little...! Over my dead body!

The bell RINGS.

INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE VOC/TECH ROOM - DAY

Students pour into the hall. Hawk and Lex exit the class

just as Trip comes zigzagging down the corridor dodging the

hordes. All three converge as Trip can't contain his

enthusiasm.

TRIP:

I did it! I did it! We won!

LEX:

We won?!

HAWK:

F***in' A! Woooooo!

The three burnouts jump, scream, HOOT, and play air

instruments like loons as if they're the only ones in the

hall. They can't stop. The rest of the student body are not

amused

INT. CAFETERIA - DAY

Hawk, Trip, and Lex hold their trays over the counter as the

LUNCH LADIES fill them with Salisbury steak, hard dinner

rolls and scoops of bluish pudding. Ah, public school

nutrition.

TRIP:

(stoked)

This is the best thing that ever

happened to me at school! Not only

are we on again for KISS in Detroit,

but we're actually sitting right at

the fifty yard line! I dare you dudes

to find a curlier scenario.

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