Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo Page #4

[Gasps]

Oh, God.

- Are you okay?

- Is this one of those--

It's a sushi bar.

-Are you allergic?

- You could say that.

[Exhales] That's a dog-faced

puffer fish over there.

He's not even fully matured yet.

He's a teenager, for crying out loud!

[Speaking Japanese]

Can I ask you

to stop that, please?

Hai.

I don't see how it could

possibly be pleasurable for a woman.

I just don't think

it's natural.

You're not supposed to

go up there.

To tell you the truth,

I don't know how men do it either.

You're not curious

Just to try something new?

I'm just not into it.

- So space exploration

is definitely out for you.

- Definitely.

I mean, more power to any woman

who wants to be an astronaut.

I just wouldn't do it.

Frankly, I'd rather

take it up the butt.

So you think

this is a good spot?

Perfect.

- Life's funny, huh?

- Mmm.

Some pretty close calls.

Wonder if he knew

how close he came to the end.

Oh, he knew.

I bet he never thought he'd be held

by such a lovely woman.

Deuce.

You're embarrassing me

in front ofour new friend.

That was a really nice thing

you did tonight.

Too bad it's a freshwater fish.

[Laughs]

I-I'm kidding.

I'm just joking.

-% Takes some time %

-[Door Unlocks]

% For our feelings to grow %

-% Oooh-ooh-ooh-ooh %

- Good night.

-% You're so close now %

- Good night.

% I can't let you go %

% Oooh-ooh-ooh-ooh %

% And I can't let go %

% With you I'm not shy %

% To show the way I feel %

% With you I might try %

You've had yourself

an interesting little evening.

Just taking care of his fish, huh?

She looks like a nice catch.

- It was a first date.

- Listen up, man-whore.

I oughta bust you

right now.

- We just had sushi.

- "Sushi"? Is that what they

call it nowadays?

I'm hip to your

man-whore slang.

All right, fine, why don't I just go

have a chat with your spicy tuna roll.

No, don't!

All right.

Okay, Deuce.

No problem, baby.

Relax.

Maybe I'll even let this one

slide for some information.

Like Antoine's black book.

- You know, the one

with his list of clients.

- I don't know anything about it.

Oh, yeah?

You know anything about this?

Look.

See that red spot?

That wasn't there this morning.

You know what it is?

Maybe it's a rash, something you got

from jogging. How the hell do I know?

Get it away from me.

Maybe you're right.

You got three days,

Bigalow.

[Zipper Zips]

T.J., I really like this girl.

Deucey, don't be falling in love with no

she-john. You're in it for the money.

Antoine'll be back soon.

Apartment ain't gonna pay to fix itself.

I know.

- Hey, there's been

this detective following me.

- Goddamn it, white boy!

- You didn't tell him

nothin' about me, did ya?

- No, but what should I do?

- About what?

- About the cop.

Would you stop mentioning

the damn cops!

Don't make me

he-b*tch man-slap you.

[Doorbell Rings]

Hi, I'm Deuce Bigalow,

your man-whore for this evening.

Hi, I'm Carol--

- [Thud]

- [Snoring]

I have narcolepsy.

It's a sleeping disorder.

It isn't

the worst thing.

I'm just not allowed to fly

in a plane or drive a car...

or work in a gun range.

- [Chuckles] Yeah.

- [Giggles]

[Snoring]

This is such a treat.

I've always wanted to try soup,

but there's the fear of drowning.

[Snoring]

I really had fun.

- Are you gonna be okay?

- I'll be fine.

- You sure?

- Yeah.

Good night.

[Thudding Down Stairs]

% I can't get enough

of you, baby %

% I can't get enough

of you, baby %

% Yes, it's true %

% Yes, it's true %

% Whenever we kiss

I get to feelin'like this %

% I get to wishin'

that there were two of you %

-% [Continues]

- Come on. You can dance.

% Come on, baby

It feels so nice %

% I want your arms to %

% Wrap around me twice %

% I can't get enough

of you, baby %

% I can't get enough

of you, baby %

% Right or wrong %

% Hey, right or wrong %

-% I can't get enough of you, baby %

- Oh, Deuce.

- You look great.

- Thanks.

I want you

to meet my roommate.

Who's there?

Kate?

- I hear someone.

- It's just me and my friend.

Are you sure?

I hear three people.

You're the third person.

Oh.

Oh, okay.

[Whispering] She's newly blind.

She's still getting adjusted.

Bergita, this is Deuce.

I think there's something

wrong with Cassie.

Oh, honey.

This isn't Cassie.

Here she is.

[Meow]

Oh, there you are.

- It's nice to meet you.

- Hi.

Once you try it for the first time,

you're pretty happy with the results.

I've never met a hair transplant

technician before.

Oh, man, I forgot.

It's my dad's birthday.

- Let's go see him.

- He's working.

So?

What does he do?

He's in

the restaurant industry.

Kate, I'd like you

to meet my dad, Bob Bigalow.

Bob, Kate.

Hi.

Son, I'm very proud of you.

She is

a lovely young lady.

[Chuckles]

Thank you.

It's so nice to meet you.

Happy birthday.

- Thank you.

- Well, we should probably be going.

Deuce.

Dad probably has a lot

of paperwork to do, and--

No, the paper's

completely stocked.

I've got plenty of time

to get acquainted with the woman

who's made my boy so happy.

We got you a cake.

Deuce said it's your favorite.

- We had to go to

a Filipino bakery to get it.

- You didn't.

You did!

Raspberry bibingka.

Ah, you shouldn't have.

My wife,

God rest her soul,

use to make this

all the time.

You would've liked her.

Bangkok Betty.

She had the most amazing mouth.

It paid for our honeymoon.

We should probably

be going.

Deuce, it's your dad's birthday.

Hi. Bob, we have an overflowing toilet

in the ladies' bathroom.

There is sh*t everywhere.

It's a real mess.

- You think you could

take care of that for me?

- No worries, Vic. Right on it.

- I'd like you to meet

my son's girlfriend Kate.

- Kate, nice to meet you.

- You, too.

- Hi, Deuce.

So could you

get in there, Bob?

I got a party of ten coming in,

and I am up to my ankles in human crap.

It's a real stinkfest

back there.

Sure.

Looks like I'd better

get back to work.

It's a pleasure

meeting you, dear.

Warms my heart

Just being in your presence.

Thank you.

See you, son.

See, my dad's one of those guys,

he likes to be involved

in every facet of the business.

- It's okay.

- No problem to small or big.

They come to him for everything.

Deuce, it's all right.

It's not his restaurant.

My dad's not even a waiter.

He's the men's room attendant.

I'm sorry.

Don't be silly.

You know

what my dad does?

He's an aeronautical

engineer.

[Water Sloshing]

Bob?

[Chuckles]

Wanna blow out

your candle?

[Chuckles]

Mmm, now that's

good bibingka.

I had a really

nice time tonight.

I find that

hard to believe.

I've never met

anyone like you.

Good.

I have to see you

again.

When we go inside, try to be quiet

so we don't wake up Bergita.

% With you I'm not shy %

% To show the way I feel %

% With you I might try %

% My secrets to reveal %

% For you are a magnet %

% And I am steel %

Why don't I get

the light?

Hang on. I'll be right back.

Be right back.

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