Dick Page #5

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Like a piece of paper.

We have a piece of paper.

Hold on. We have a list of creeps.

We got it at the White House.

A list of creeps?

C-R-E-E-P.

The Committee to Re-elect

the President.

It's to Haldeman. It has a list

of names, amounts of money and dates.

Go ahead. What do you have?

It's Magruder, Barker, Brown...

Can I help you?

- I'm cool.

- I'm sorry, go ahead.

Go away!

Right.

You actually have this document

in your possession?

Yeah, it's sitting right here.

But the only problem is that...

...we drew all over it, and I dropped

my grilled cheese sandwich on it...

...so it's kind of rank.

Benji, stop it. Get off!

Are you insane?

Or are your pants too tight?

Who are you talking to?

A source with proof that the Committee

to Re-elect the President...

...paid off the Water...

Paid off the Watergate burglars.

And the White House knows about it.

You can't have that conversation

on the phone!

It's too dangerous!

Arrange a meeting.

Ow! That really hurt me.

That really hurt me.

Could I meet you?

We've been too permissive

with you, young man.

From now on,

we're watching you like a hawk.

Not around here.

Right, you're being watched.

I understand.

There is an underground

parking garage...

There is an underground

parking garage...

...on A Street and York Avenue.

Across from Garfinkle's.

We can go shopping after we meet them.

I can meet you there tomorrow at 9 p.m.

How will I know you?

That's for me to know

and you to find out.

What are you staring at?

There's yelling.

Are you in trouble?

Give me a name, so when you call next,

I'll know it's you.

Deep Throat!

Deep Throat!

Carl Bernstein.

Tell me your story.

Up yours, man!

Deep Throat! Come here,

Deep Throat boy!

They hung up.

- What're you doing?

- It's cool.

- What are you doing?

- Helping you out.

I swear to God...!

You're horny!

All right, he's not here. Let's go.

You're Deep Throat?

We both are.

How old are you?

Is that your combined ages?

There's no need to be snotty.

I'm just trying to imagine here,

what exactly...

...is your connection

with the White House?

We were the Secret Youth Advisers.

And we walked the dog.

And Arlene was in love with Dick.

Okay, I don't need to hear

any more of that, really.

Were you followed?

What are you doing here?

I came to make sure

you were all right.

You did not!

You're trying to horn in on my source.

How come you get to meet Deep Throat?

I'm the one who saw that movie.

Hi, I'm Carl Bernstein.

- You're supposed to check phone records.

- It gave me a headache.

- Stop whining.

- I'm not whining.

Yes, you are. You're whining.

We've talked about this.

Are you interested in the story or not?

At first, we thought he was really nice.

Then we heard him saying mean things

about Jews and using foul language.

We realized he was a jerk.

A jerk.

We could hear him kicking the dog

on the tape.

There's a tape?

He records everything. It's in

Rose Mary's desk. He's paranoid.

What else did he say on this tape?

They talked about hiding...

...some guy in South America

because he knew about Watergate.

Let me get this straight. You're saying

the President of the United States...

- Of America.

- Of America...

...the most powerful country

in the world...

...is involved

in this Watergate cover-up?

- Yeah.

- I guess.

Who is he talking to on this tape?

Erlichman?

Hurlichman.

- No, there isn't a Hurlichman.

- Yes, there is.

There's not a Hurlichman.

There's a Haldeman.

And there's an Erlichman.

Wait, wait, wait.

The guy who's, like, kind of fleshy...

...who wears horn-rimmed glasses

and a cheesy dark suit.

It sounded like him.

Show me which one.

I never realized how much

they all look alike.

The document you mentioned on the phone,

it was written to Haldeman?

If we publish that, we could nail him.

Give me skin, Daddy.

We don't really have it right now.

What?

The dog ate it.

The dog ate it.

Great. You know, I don't need this.

I went to Yale.

Sorry.

We could've gotten grounded

for sneaking out.

If we could get that tape...

But it's in the White House.

You know who else I think is sexy

is Robert Plant, from Led Zeppelin.

He reminds me of my brother.

Your brother's not that bad.

Not that I like him.

I can't run this. You don't have it.

What?

I might be willing to take the risk

on these other names...

...but not on Haldeman. My God!

He's the man who controls access

to the leader of the free world.

There is another source.

You mean, your what-do-you-call-it?

Hand Job.

Deep Throat.

Yeah, Deep Throat.

Well, tell me about Deep Throat.

Well, "he" links the President...

...to the burglary...

...and to a cover-up.

Jesus!

What branch is he in?

Executive.

How high?

About yea high.

Don't do this to me.

Get some more sources on those names.

Bring me in some hard evidence

and nail it down.

Some people think

that Mick Jagger's lips are gross.

But I think that they're sexy.

They're like this big couch

made out of skin.

You're so hard rock now.

What?

That van's been right behind us

since we left school. Don't look.

I have to.

- We're being followed.

- By who?

I don't know.

Do you think it's Dick?

Maybe he knows we talked to

the "radical, muckraking bastards."

He couldn't know.

He could.

Dick frightens me.

Hello, this is Bob Woodward.

And Carl Bernstein, Washington Post.

Carl's on the other line. We have

a few questions we'd like to ask you.

Girls! Arlene, Betsy!

We can't talk now.

We need to know some names from

that list you had. Do you remember any?

We're under a lot of pressure too.

It's okay.

You don't have to name any names.

- Don't answer.

- We'll say names.

We'll count to 10. If you don't

hang up, that's a confirmation.

What?

I'm so sorry to interrupt you.

- Go!

- Just go with it!

I asked you to come to dinner

15 minutes ago.

Now your TV dinners are ice-cold.

In fact, they're frozen again.

McCord.

Lang.

So come to the table now, or I'll never

fix you dinner again, ever!

Seven...

...eight...

...nine...

We'll be right there, Mom.

...ten.

Thank you very much.

They hung up.

I'm sorry, Janet.

You all right?

You scared us to death!

What's the matter?

You little lying sacks of sh*t

are the matter!

Listen!

You guys gave us bad information

on the phone.

The names on the list?

We printed it, they denied it,

and our other source backed out!

Now everybody thinks

that I'm a schmuck!

What names?

The names! The information!

Listen, people are counting on you!

You're big-shot reporters. Can't you

figure anything out for yourselves?

How could you let your dog

eat that list?

You're ruining my life!

We have a very important report

on turquoise jewelry due in two days...

...and we can't find books on it,

and the President is having us followed.

- It's too much pressure.

- Just leave us alone!

I'm in here, dear.

How come you're home so early?

Honey...

...I've met someone.

I've met someone.

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