Dick Figures: The Movie Page #3
Demon Army.
Our blades burn like fire and
our fire stings like ice and
our ice is really
f***ing cold.
anyone who seek to use
its might power.
- We don't want to use it.
I-, I just wanted a birthday
present for my girlfriend.
- Then we shall kill her
too because she
will have the sword.
- Uh, wait dude.
Uh, can't we talk about this?
- The only thing we're going to
talk about is, uh, how that
you're about to be!
- Crack this!
This party sucks!
- Run for it!
- Seize their swords!
From our point of view, they
are the villains, not us!
He's supposed to be rational
from our side of the story!
- Dude, that's just cra!
start running your legs!
- Why?
Are the cops coming?
- Yes.
"Ahh!
- This is all your fault!
I don't know why I ever let
you talk me into this!
- You shut up!
The cops are coming!
- They're not cops!
They're demons!
- Oh.
Really?
- Why do demons scare
you less than cops?
- Demons don't have guns.
on this stupid quest.
getting her that bear trap.
- Oh, you mean that sweet hat?
- Red, come on!
- Be very careful with
that dynamite.
It's going to the Explosion
Factory.
- Ahhh!
- Huh.
Holy crap, we made it.
And we're floating away!
- What you talkin' about?
- I mean, the tides are carrying
us out to sea!
"AW, yea!
Bermuda Triangle,
here we come!
- Well, what are we
going to do?
- I don't know.
But hey, at least
we got sushi.
- Ah!
"See ya, Japan!
You stink crazy!
Row boat trip!
Woo!
- Would you shut up?
I don't know if you've noticed
or not, but we're in some deep
sh*t.
- Uh, I think it's called
a rowboat.
- That isn't funny!
We're stuck in the middle of the
ocean with only the hilt
of this stupid sword and now
we're going to die out here
and I'm going to miss
Pink's birthday!
- I don't know why you're
doing all this crazy
stuff for her any way.
Who cares?
She's just a girl!
- Well, I love her, okay.
That's why!
- What does that mean?
- Wait, you really don't
know what love means?
Course you don't.
It's this feeling you get
when you see someone.
Deep down inside of you your
just feel happy all over.
It's the strongest most
wonderful feeling you can have
for someone.
- So you mean a boner?
"No!
- Dude, I'm in love all day.
- You are such an idiot!
- I wouldn't do all
this for a boner.
I'd just go online and look
up pictures of your mom.
- Shut up!
I'm doing this because I think
she's in love with me too.
- No way, man.
She likes me.
- What?
- Yeah, dude.
She's always giving me
those dirty looks.
Mm.
Red, not every girl in
the world thinks
you're cool, hot sh*t.
- Yeah they do.
Why do you think I beat up
kindergarten?
- To save my life.
- What?
No.
Dude, I was trying to impress
all those chicks.
- What?
- Yeah, worked pretty good too.
- You've beaten me up,
embarrassed me, screwed my
ex-girlfriends, crapped in my
food and taken my
money for years!
I stayed friends with you this
whole time because for some
reason I actually thought
you were my friend too!
- Wow, you must feel
pretty stupid.
- F*** you!
Ahh!
You're such an a**hole!
I can't believe you
let me think we
were actually friends!
- Well maybe I'd be friends with
you if you weren't such a
god damn loser all the time!
- I'm a loser?
I caught you masturbating
to Animal Planet!
- That was one time!
You're just racist against
elephants!
- I can't believe I stuck
by your side
for 20 god damn years!
I'm not your friend anymore!
- Good!
I'm not yours!
- Great.
- Awesome!
- Good.
- I'm glad.
- Hey, baby-
This one's for you.
- Oh, my god.
Who is that?
Yea.
So, what are you doing
after recess?
- Huh?
Holy sh*t.
Red .
Red, are you dead?
- Naw, man.
Just tannin' my back.
- God damn it.
Where are we?
- We're in paradise, mon!
- No, we're not!
We're on a deserted island!
dinner island first.
- No, deserted island--
oh, my god.
- Huh.
That sounds way better.
- Oh, my god.
Oh, my god.
I'm going to die next to an
a**hole and I'll never see
Pink's b*obs again.
- Yeah, and I'm getting real
worried this place doesn't
have internet.
- Oh, sh*t.
Maybe--
Oh, no.
Where's my phone?
Wait, dude!
Didn't you eat a bowl full of
tiny cell phones for lunch?
- Oh. yeah!
- Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.
Come on.
- Nope.
- Dude.
- It's not coming out.
- Here, let me try.
- Ow.
Not so hard, a**hole.
- How about this?
- Stop it.
Let me just to dial it
with my butt muscles.
- Yup, this is my nightmare.
- It's ringing!
I can't believe I'm
doing this.
If you fart, I'll kill you.
- Careful, if I fart,
I'll kill you.
Hello.
You've reached Global Rescue
wherever you are, especially
if you're stuck
on a deserted island.
- Uh, hello.
Can you hear me? -Well
hello yourself baby.
You can rescue me anytime.
What are you wearing?
What are you doing?
Oh, you know.
Just bored at work.
I get off at 7 if you
want to meet up at
Burrito Island then.
- Oh.
Oh, my god!
- Oh.
- Ah!
Screw you!
That is it!
- Where are you going?
- Home.
You can finish this god damn
quest on your own.
- I knew you were a p*ssy!
- This was the stupidest idea.
Stupid lame ass Blue.
Gettin' my beach on,
singing the beach song, hoping
that a crab doesn't
nibble my balls.
- Wow.
This place is paradise.
The sun is so warm.
The water's so clear.
The sand, like diamonds
beneath my feet.
The air smells sweet, like--
smoke?
Red!
"Ahh!
- Red, what did you do?
- What?
Oh, that.
- You ruin everything!
- It's not that bad.
- We're going to be
burned alive!
What is that?
- King Kong!
-Is- is that a plane?
- Bees!
- Holy sh*t!
It is a plane!
"Ahh!
Sky demon!
- Ha, ha, ha.
Cheerio old chaps.
Grab a hold!
- Perfectly executed signal
fire old chaps.
Spotted it a fort night away.
Still, damn shame you burned
down Burrito Island.
- That was Burrito Island?
No!
"No!
- Who are you?
- You're flying with Captain
Major Lieutenant Crookygrin,
- You're a pilot?
- And an alcoholic.
1,000 flights, 1,000 crashes,
perfect record.
- Woop.
Wa- Wa- whomp.
Trying to ip us over
you old b*tch.
Did I mention I'm blind?
Alcohol blindness.
- Ha ha.
You and me both, brotha.
- Uh, woo.
- Ha ha ha.
- What are you doing ying
all the way out here?
- On my way to Gay Paris.
I'm meeting an old friend from
the war, Colonel Dingleberry.
- Mr. Dingleberry?
- He was a private
when I knew him.
Haven't seen him since D-Day,
or Dingle Day as he
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"Dick Figures: The Movie" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 19 Dec. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/dick_figures:_the_movie_6887>.
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