Dick Figures: The Movie Page #5

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- Please, it is too

much for us.

- It is rather tender.

- It's our, uh, most

famous dish.

Ha ha.

- Men!

Men!

You must come over and

try this crab.

- Monsieur, we have finished

our sweep.

Rouge and Blue are nowhere

to be found.

- Very well.

We'll return tonight for dinner

and make sure you have

plenty of crab.

- Check the next restaurant.

- Take me back to the ocean.

Come on, dude.

Be quiet and we can

get out of here.

- Did that crab just fart?

- Crabs do not have butt holes!

"Ahh!

Don't let them eat me!

- Open fire!

- Hurry, you got to

get out of here!

- Get in!

I'm going to hot wire this.

Sh*t!

- Come on.

Come on.

- I'm not going to jail again!

- Ha ha ha ha!

- Thank god!

Lord Tourettes, can you get

us to the Eiffel Tower?

- You bet your sweet ass!

Now buckle the f*** up!

It's gonna be a bumpy ride!

- Alert all units.

Get me everything.

Freeze,

Americans!

- I'll be back!

Woo!

- Get your umbrellas!

- Take the wheel, b*tch!

- Huh?

- Ah-ha.

- Where are we going?

- Follow me.

I'll will guide you to

the cock of Paris.

- The what of what?

- Chases are great.

'Red!

Gotcha.

- Holy Crap-.

I almost died.

- You're welcome,

mother f***er.

- Grab on!

There it is, the Tour Eiffel.

Ha ha ha ha.

One fact, this tower was

erected in 1889.

- Gross.

- Oh, crap.

They got us surrounded!

- Ah-ha!

You are surrounded!

Get off of our cock!

- You get off of my cock, dick!

- Oh.

How dare you!

- Be careful, he curses well.

- LT, can you hold them off

while we get the blade?

- Leave it to me!

- Come on.

Oh, my god.

I'm out of shape.

- Dude, I'm like King Kong.

- How about a little lullaby?

Go to sleep.

Let the tea with dreams

of fresh baguettes.

Drink some wine my sweetheart.

I've got f***ing ass sharts!

- I am becoming very la sleepy.

- Eat talking sh*t

at the house.

Lullaby will

make you sleep.

- I said Tourettes, you're

the f***ing dick!

- Uh, now what?

- Stick it in.

Stick it in.

- You're such a creep.

Wow.

Two pieces down,

one left to go.

I wonder what that

last piece is.

- I hope it's a dragon.

- I really don't think

it's a dragon.

- Oh, splendid.

You found it.

- Yeah, but we're still missing

that last piece.

- Oh, wait-- the letter.

Damn it.

It's in French.

- I can read it.

It says, the last piece

of the sword is--

- Shh.

- Gem.

It's a gem and it's

hidden in ax--

in a mountain behind your--

- Home town.

Fantastic.

- Really?

- Yeah.

That's super convenient.

- Good f-- f-- luck you two.

I hope you find your destiny.

- Aw, man.

Thanks, Lord Tourettes.

See ya.

- Audios, little green man.

- Avior, mother f***ers!

- Ho ho ho.

"Ahh!

Run!

- Don't let them get away.

They have defiled

France's cock!

- That sword will be mine!

Ohh.

And so, Red and Blue

escaped from the Tachigami

Demon Army and the French

police and took a long

convoluted map journey home to

find the last piece of the

Great Sword of Destiny so Blue

could get Pink a birthday

present, or something.

I don't know.

This movie's crazy.

Am I in your mind?

Are you in mine?

Ahh!

- I am never taking a plane,

boat, submarine, turtle,

dragon, motorcycle,

rocket, parachute,

train, hand car again.

- Yeah.

I mean, probably not.

- Ahh.

Ahh.

America.

It's good to be back!

(may.

According to LT, the

gem of the sword

is hidden in a mountain.

Are there any mountains

around here?

Huh, I never noticed

that before.

A '

- Stacy, I see two mountains

right here.

- Oh, crap.

Not now.

Dude, we don't have

time for this.

- Pssh, it can wait

a little bit.

The gem hasn't gone anywhere

for like a billion years.

- Pink's birthday party is

starting any minute.

I got to get there.

No gem, no sword.

No sword, no present.

No present, no Blue and Pink.

- Relax!

I'll just have a drink or two.

- You never just have

a drink or two!

- I promise, just a

couple bottles.

We'll have that whatever

it is in no time.

'Red!

Seriously, what the hell?

We're so close!

- Don't be such a stick

in the butt, dude!

We made it home!

It's party time, man!

Hey, ladies!

- I don't know why I

ever trusted you!

You never follow through

on anything!

This the most important thing

that's ever happened to me and

you're bailing?

- Dude, there's b*obs in here.

What am I supposed to do?

- Be my friend!

- Sorry, bro.

This train's leaving for

Waste-Face USA, population,

des hoes, des nuts and

this bottle of Jack.

Get over here girl!

Put your face on my sack!

Woo!

'Red!

- Dude, this party sucks.

- Ah, they've got free beer.

- Happy birthday to me.

Happy birthday.

Where's Blue?

- Jesus.

That racoon's reward

better be worth it.

I don't need that jerk.

I can do this alone.

This is for you, Pink.

I'm coming, baby.

Time to get my quest on.

Begin at Big Montage!

- Hey, What's going on?

Oh, my god!

What the hell?

"Ahh!

Oh, my god!

The chip is out!

He thinks it's so cool!

Isn't this cool?

- Um

Oh!

Boss, that feels crazy.

Ahh!

- Ahh.

- I suppose we should be

thankful, Blue Sun.

You led us straight to the

Great Sword of Destiny.

And now, I am going to avenge

every person who has died--

ever!

- Wait.

What about all those people

who died of old age?

- Them too!

- That's a stupid plan!

Now give me back that sword!

Hmp.

You're a stupid plan.

Throw the round head

into the volcano!

"Ahh!

- I curse life.

Red?

What are you doing here?

- After I finished drinking all

those girls and screwing all

that beer, I decided I should

come back for my friend.

- I must be dead.

- Blue Sun, the

red one tells the truth.

You have a very good

friend indeed.

- You were right, man.

For once, I got to finish

what I started.

Plus, that sword is

pretty tight.

- That's what I've been saying

the whole time!

So, you're back?

- I'm back, dude.

- Uh.

You?

You're back?

- It's is time

to finish what I started

10,000 years ago.

- Are you still butt hurt about

that little geisha

you called a wife?

- The only one

who's about to be hurt is you.

- Ha ha ha ha ha.

You really think you can

defeat all of us?

- And did you know

I can go all night, baby?

I'm nocturnal.

Um!

- We're in for a huge

fight, aren't we?

- You know it!

Try to take some notes.

- Ha.

Yeah, right.

I didn't play all those video

games for nothing.

New challenger appears--

K.O. Flawless victory!

Finish him!

Oh, my god.

This is actually working!

- Yeah, dude!

Keep doing it!

- Hadouken!

- Brutality.

- Animality.

- Bestiality!

- Gross.

- You can't kill me!

You're just a stupid raccoon!

- You need

better insults!

Huh.

Father Son.

Holy sh*t!

- If you ever

want to fight evil, you must

keep your elbows straight.

- Father, one day

I want to go to America.

- That is

not a country yet.

- You are

Lord of Tachigami?

- Did you ever

wonder why we have

the same last name?

- Impossible!

- Father Sun, why

did you become so evil?

- I had to avenge

all the people who have

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