Diner Page #6

No. Because I don't give a sh*t.

Who cares about what's on the flip side

of a record?

I do.

Every one of my records means something.

The label. The producer.

The year it was made.

Who was copying whose styles.

Who was expanding on that.

Don't you understand?

When I listen to my records...

...they take me back to certain points

in my life. Okay?

Just don't touch my records. Ever.

The first time that I met you...

...Modell's sister's high-school

graduation party. Right? 1955.

And Ain't That A Shame was playing

when I walked in the door.

- Hi, Boogie.

- How're you doin'?

- Is Shrevie here?

- No.

He's not here? I called him

a little while ago, and he said he'd be in.

- What's the matter?

- Nothing.

- Did I come at a bad time?

- No, it's all right.

What's the matter? Maybe I should go.

I'll come back later.

Should I leave? Should I?

What's the matter?

Boogie, does he ever yell at you?

What? What happened, baby?

We had a fight.

- Why did you have a fight?

- I don't know.

Do you want me to talk to him?

- Tell me why you had a fight.

- I don't know...

Come on, don't cry. Come on.

- Come on, baby.

- I did something wrong.

He's in trouble. Don't you know

about friendship, Howard?

$500?

$400, $300. Whatever you can afford.

Maybe this is a lesson for you.

If you worked, you'd have

some money to lend him.

Yeah, I know. I'm irresponsible.

I dropped out of college.

I won't work in the family business.

I'm a disgrace.

That's a good reason to keep me

out of your house, God knows.

You're a bad example.

Far be it for me to disagree.

Give me some money, Howard.

Do you ever read a book?

Read.

- Do you ever read?

- Never.

You should read Dale Carnegie's

How to Win Friends and Influence People.

Give me some money, Howard.

Where'd you get this attitude?

I borrowed it. I have to have it back

by midnight. Howard!

I should talk to Daddy about stopping

your trust fund.

It's killing your initiative.

Some big trust fund.

$100 a month till I'm 23.

Yeah, Granddad was a real Rockefeller.

Howard.

It's important.

I wouldn't come otherwise.

I don't like to see you,

so you know it's got to be very important.

Get off.

I despise you, and yet I'm here.

Get off.

It's funny. You know, when I was

a little kid I always wanted a brother...

...and I told that to Mom once.

And she said, "You have a brother."

And I said, "Oh, that's who the a**hole

in the other bed is."

If I had my way,

I'd just date Elyse all my life.

- Hey, watch it, pal.

- Just date her.

I personally like dating.

- What are you doing it for?

- I've been datin' Elyse for five years.

I have no choice. You know how girls are.

Security and all that.

They need that thing, that marriage thing.

What am I watching?

The movie just started

and I don't know what's going on.

It's symbolic.

Who's that guy?

That's Death walking on the beach.

I've been to Atlantic City 100 times

and I never saw Death walk on the beach.

Kids.

Kids did this.

It's a sacrilege for Christ's sake.

What is this?

- Come on.

- What's wrong?

It's an emergency.

- What's up?

- Fenwick's in the manger.

- What?

- He's in the manger and he won't leave.

I've never seen him like this.

"O little town of Bethlehem

"How still we... lie"

- This is crazy.

- I told you.

Three more wise men.

They've heard of the miracle.

Let's go, Fen.

You must have traveled far.

Come. Come rest your weary feet.

Come on.

Get out of there. Someone'll spot you.

The police will be here.

Come on, Fen. Put your pants on.

This is a big smile. Don't you think?

Yeah, come on.

Come on.

- Let's go.

- No! No!

- Here we go.

- Fen, no! Fen!

- Eddie, get him.

- Get his arms.

Billy, grab him.

- I got him.

- Keep him. Hold on.

- Back! Back!

- Fenwick, put that sheep down.

- Put the sheep down.

- Stop screwing around.

Put the sheep down. We'll pick up

the three wise men and get out of here.

Police.

Fortunately, my work is done.

Nice, Fen. Very nice.

What do we do now?

Choice.

Thanks, pal.

I have some killer questions for the test.

Tomorrow night's the showdown.

Is she studying hard?

Better be. Otherwise,

she's off to Cuba alone.

Wish I knew what to do about Barbara.

You get married. You take her back

to school with ya.

You get a part-time job.

And by the time you've got your master's,

kid's arrived, all's well.

What about her job?

Her job?

Her job...

I give you an answer and you confuse it

by bringing her into the problem.

Do you want to take a walk?

Look, Ed. She's in this thing.

There's two of us, you know.

She loves her work and...

...she doesn't want to marry me.

That's the bottom line.

You're dealing with an irrational girl.

That's your problem.

Do you want to find someplace else

to stand, buddy?

You going to do something about it?

You heard him! Schmuck, back off!

You going to do something about it?

Do you want to fight?

Is that what you want? Come on.

Come on, you son of a b*tch.

I'll hit you so hard,

I'll kill your whole family.

What's going on?

What?

I've got him right here.

We called Timmy's father, but he said

he wouldn't post bail until the morning.

He wants to teach him a lesson.

We get back from Florida, open the door,

and the police call.

That's what I call good timing.

- How's Mom?

- She's fine.

- He was punching out wise men?

- Yeah, he was punching out the wise men.

He was so drunk I couldn't believe it.

I can't believe that his father leaves him

in jail overnight.

He's punching out the wise men

and knocks over the whole manger?

His family situation is not the best.

Between his father and his brother...

"But why furnish your enemies

with ammunition?

"You're a family man, Harvey.

And someday, God willing...

"...you may want to be president.

And there you are, out in the open...

"...where any hep person knows that

this guy is toting this guy around with you.

- "Are we kids, or what?"

- Get out of here!

"Thanks, J.J., for what I consider

sound advice."

Would you get out of here?

- Is he crazy, or am I mistaken?

- He's weird.

Do you think I'm doing the right thing

by getting married?

Eddie, I can't tell you that.

I keep thinking that I'm going to be

missing out on things.

That's what marriage is all about.

But I never did a lot before. You know.

What?

I never did a lot of...

...not a lot of screwing around.

Some, you know. Of course. A little.

A little?

A little.

You son of a b*tch.

You're a virgin, aren't you?

Technically.

You've got a lot to learn.

Who am I gonna learn it from?

Elyse?

Elyse doesn't know anything.

We could be in trouble.

Barbara, this is stupid. I mean, it's crazy.

I don't understand you, Barbara.

It's mine as well.

I have something to say in this too.

Don't I?

I'm not talking about

doing anything drastic.

An abortion, or anything like that.

- I have the feeling that I'm not included.

- Keep your voice down.

Who do you think you're talking to?

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