Diner Page #5

- Exactly.

- She grabbed my pecker.

Boog, the bet was to touch your pecker,

not pecker in popcorn.

That's right. It was pecker-touching

without intention.

I'm not going to pay you.

No, she was supposed to grab your pecker.

- Give me some money.

- I don't buy it.

Yeah. I want it on the up-and-up.

Me too. This one was default.

Let it ride. I'll tell you what.

I'll bet you that I can ball Carol Heathrow

on our next date.

Now, you're nuts.

- No.

- Come on, Boog.

You want to bet me $50 a guy?

$50?

It's like stealing money from you, Boog.

- Are you in?

- Yeah, I'm in. I'm in.

- Are you in?

- I'm in.

- Are you in?

- I'm in.

All right.

Are you in, Billy?

No, I'm not in.

I'll take all the action I can get.

We need validation.

All right, you want validation?

Okay, you can be there to validate.

Sure.

- Earl is the king.

- The whole left side.

The Portland. I didn't think he could eat

any more than that.

Do you want to look at some desserts?

He's locking up.

Get 'em now or forget it.

- Can he do it?

- Yes. He's getting in the car.

Good breakfast, Earl.

- Try to keep it down, Earl.

- Standing ovation for the Earl. Standing O.

The car moves.

Don't get in the way.

That was beautiful. Grind 'em.

Peel some rubber now, Earl.

Let's meet here at 12:00

and go to the game in my car.

Let's make it quarter to.

I don't want to miss any pre-game crap.

Why don't we just go now?

That way we won't miss anything.

Shrevie! Wait a minute, we're talkin'

about the championship game.

For Christ's sake, let's get serious.

A quarter to.

- All right. I'll see you later.

- So long.

You got a ride?

- You going straight home?

- Yeah. Get in.

- It's no problem?

- Modell! Don't give me that. Get in.

You want me to go? I'll go.

Whatever you want.

I have to meet that girl. She is death.

- Very nice.

- Man, I'm in love.

Miss! Whoa, miss!

- Hey, miss!

- Watch the road.

Hold on a second.

I was admiring your horse.

Were you?

Do you ride Western as well?

I do, but I prefer English.

There's a finer sense of control.

What's your name?

Jane Chisholm. As in the Chisholm Trail.

What f***ing Chisholm Trail?

Do you ever get the feeling there's

something going on we don't know about?

Do you get the feeling

that she gave me a fake name?

- Do you want to keep driving?

- Might as well call it a night.

Is there anything wrong, Barb?

No.

Yes. I think I'm pregnant.

Me?

Yes.

Our one night in New York last month.

Six years of a platonic relationship,

and then that night.

And this happens.

- Maybe it's for the best.

- No.

I don't think so.

Do you want to marry me?

Yes.

Is that why you came back

a few days early? To ask?

Well, I thought after New York,

you know...

Seven weeks is a long time

when you miss someone.

New York was a mistake.

Maybe it wasn't as romantic as we'd like it

to be, but I think it will happen.

It isn't perfect yet, but...

I love you, Barb.

You're confusing a friendship

with a woman and love.

It's not the same.

That's the opening whistle

and our game begins.

You're still playing

for a 30-point bonus question.

Here's another toss up in English.

Are you ready?

A spaceship is stranded on the planet

Mercury outside of the libration areas.

It is night, and pitch black outside.

For 10 points, how long must the explorers

wait until sunrise?

Sun doesn't rise on Mercury.

Bryn Mawr. Stebbins.

They won't get a sunrise

because Mercury has one side...

...perpetually turned toward the Sun

and the other away from it.

That's right. They would have

to wait forever. That's the answer.

I have a 20-point bonus coming up.

Here's your toss-up. For 10 points:

What would a man probably have...

...if he had a visible contusion

near the upper part of his zygomatic arch?

A black eye.

A sharp lump on his head.

Black eye, you bozo.

Bryn Mawr. Stebbins.

I think, let's see, he would have

a bump here.

You look like you've got a bump

on your head.

A black eye.

All right. We were looking for a black eye.

But I must accept a bruised cheekbone.

Yeah, Ma. I know I owe $2,000.

Guess what? I heard it before you.

What am I gonna do?

I'm choice. I'm gonna have to find

a way to pay it off.

Me? I've got $56 to my name.

Yeah, I know I'm in trouble.

Then they'll kill me. What can I tell you?

Here's your toss-up. For 10 points:

What home-grown philosopher said:

- "The masks of men lead lives..."

- Thoreau!

- Cornell. Pearlman.

- Thoreau.

Right, for 10 points. "Lead lives of quiet..."

That's right, for 10 points.

The statement inscribed

in the US Post Office:

"Neither snow, nor rain, nor heat,

nor gloom of night..."

Herodotus!

For 10 points, what classical author

wrote it?

- Herodotus.

- Right, for 10 points.

Hey, Cornell! Take a walk, you bozo.

...final half, with the score:

Bryn Mawr College, 104...

...and Cornell University, 60.

I talked to Shrevie.

He's going to lend me $200.

- You going over now?

- Yeah.

I might drop in on my brother,

maybe get some bucks from the toast.

Howard?

Really?

I appreciate that, Fen.

I know how you guys feel

about each other.

Listen. With the Heathrow bet

I'm gonna be close. I'll see ya later.

Beth?

- What?

- Come here.

I'm doing a crossword puzzle.

Come here!

What?

Have you been playing my records?

Yeah. So?

So, didn't I tell you the procedure?

You told me all about it, Shrevie.

They have to be in alphabetical order.

And what else?

They have to be filed alphabetically

and according to year as well. Okay?

And what else?

- And what else?

- I don't know.

You don't know?

Let me give you a hint, okay?

I found my James Brown record filed

under the J's, instead of the B's.

I don't know who taught you

to alphabetize.

But to top it off, he's in

the rock-and-roll section...

...instead of the R & B section.

How can you do that?

It's too complicated, Shrevie.

See, every time I pull out a record...

...there's this whole procedure

I have to go through.

I just want to hear the music, that's all.

Is it too complicated to just keep

my records in the category?

Just put the rock-and-roll

in with the rock-and-roll.

Put the R & B in with the R & B.

You're not going to put Charlie Parker

in with the rock-and-roll, would you?

Would you?

I don't know. Who is Charlie Parker?

Jazz! Jazz!

He was the greatest jazz saxophone player

that ever lived!

What are you getting so crazy about?

It's just music. It's not that big a deal.

It is. Don't you understand?

This is important to me.

Shrevie, why do you yell at me?

I never hear you yell at any of your friends.

Look. Pick a record. Okay?

- What?

- Just pick any record.

Any record. Okay.

What's the hit side?

Good Golly Miss Molly.

Now, ask me what's on the flip side.

Why?

Just ask me what's on the flip side. Okay?

What is on the flip side?

Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey. 1958.

Specialty Records.

See, you don't ask me things like that.

You never ask me what's on the flip side.

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