Dirty 30 Page #9

back there, so she left.

She told me to let Charlie know,

but I haven't seen her.

- Uh, that's 'cause

she got arrested.

Oh, god!

- Oh, hey, Dan.

Hey, how's the retainer?

- It's good.

It's really tight.

Thank you.

I was just wondering if you knew

where Charlie's girlfriend,

Claire, is.

- Uh, no.

- What about Evie?

Does... does she have a boyfriend

I could call?

- She doesn't have a boyfriend.

She's married.

- Really?

- Yeah.

Yeah, her husband is, like,

some lawyer dude named Todd.

- I am gonna get this dipped

in gold and put it on a chain

- you know, for a minute there,

I really thought you were gonna

go in and get a second one.

It would've made

amazing earrings.

- Oh.

- I should've done it.

- Yeah.

- But you did it.

You finally... you pulled a tooth.

Now you can be, like,

a full orthodontist.

- Yeah, are you gonna

go back to school?

- You know what?

No.

- Really?

- Yeah!

I like my job.

It's low pressure,

and I have fun with Jules,

and I like it.

I'm not scared to do more.

I just like it.

You know what else?

I... i like my organized fun.

Like, I don't need to go out

to have a good time.

You know what I think I do?

I put all this pressure

on myself because I just assume

that other people expect me

to be more or to want more

'cause I'm, like,

an assistant who's a homebody,

but I love it!

- Amen.

- Get it.

- I want to be the weird aunt.

I do.

- Whoa.

This got serious.

- Yeah, and speaking

of serious...

Sorry, are you done

with your speech?

- Yeah, I am.

Thank you.

Unnecessary.

- Got it.

Speaking of serious,

I'm gonna be in serious trouble

with Claire if we end up

spending the night here.

- No, you won't

because Claire is cool.

- Yeah, she is cool.

She's a cool fiance.

What?

Seriously?

- Yeah.

- Oh, my god!

- What?

That's amazing!

- Wait, why didn't you tell us?

- I don't know.

'Cause you guys are, like,

having nervous breakdowns

or whatever.

- Congratulations.

- Yeah, thank you,

but I really need to guys

to act surprised when Claire

and I tell you together.

- I'm an actress.

- Okay.

- Got it.

- Also, I can throw you

an engagement party.

- Oh, my god.

No thank you.

Kinsey.

Kinsey.

Hi.

- Hi.

We must've fallen asleep

when we were talking.

- Yeah, I g...

Yeah.

Um...

- That was really fun.

- It was.

Last night was really fun.

Um...

It's fine.

I'm, uh...

I'm gonna talk to him.

It's fine.

- Hey, Kinsey.

If we don't talk again

at school, or ever again,

for that matter,

I just want to let you know

that I really like you

and the reason I invited you

is because...

- Oliver.

Oliver.

- Yeah?

- I'm gonna handle this.

But, yeah,

just message me later.

- Okay.

- Okay?

- All right.

- Okay.

Okay.

- Wake up, ladies!

I got good news

and I got bad news.

- We will take

the good news please.

- I didn't ask

for your preference.

The bad news is

you're probably gonna get

community service

for trespassing.

- That's not that bad.

- And public urination.

The good news is

your lawyer's here.

He's gonna get you out of here.

- Our lawyer?

- Todd Jones.

- Let's do this.

- Thank you.

Hi, Todd.

- Mm-mm.

- Okay.

- Evie, what did you do?

- I'm fine, Todd.

Thank you for asking.

Why aren't you in vail?

- Well, some guy named Dan

calls me,

tells me

that you've been arrested,

so I take the first flight back.

I... i can't believe this.

Do you have any idea

how bad this makes me look?

- And that's what

you're concerned about.

Okay.

- Yes, Evie.

Well, I'm a lawyer, so I can't

be bailing people out of jail.

- I spent the night

in the drunk tank.

- I don't ask for a lot.

I let you do your little

work stuff.

I let you hang out

with those two idiots.

But at the end of the day,

I'm the one

who takes care of you.

- What if I don't need someone

to take care of me?

What if I can take care of

myself?

- Whoa!

- Oh, god.

You know,

prison is not comfortable.

- Hi!

She gave me a weird look.

God.

- My girlfriend's a criminal!

- Gonna give you a minute.

- Yeah, thanks.

- I am so sorry

about last night.

- You're a god damn maniac.

- True.

But for good reason.

- Peter Finch, athletic director

at Lincoln high school?

- I told Peter

that if I made him look like

a total badass at the party

last night,

that he'd have to give me

the entire uniform account

of Lincoln high.

Huh?

It's not bad.

- You stink real bad.

- I was in prison.

- Oh.

- I learned all sorts of sh*t.

- Oh.

- Hi.

- Hey, there.

- So just so you know,

I drove Ashley home

so she wouldn't drive drunk.

- Yeah, no, you do not

have to explain yourself.

I got crazy last night.

- A little crazy

is when a bachelorette party

hires a stripper.

- Oh.

- You ripped a tooth

out of a woman's jaw.

- Yeah, I did that.

- Yeah, you did.

- Didn't know

I was such a badass.

- Uh, no, I did not know that.

- Can I give you a ride?

- Actually, do you want to grab

some breakfast?

- Are you asking me on a date?

- Are you scared?

- Evie, can you just relax?

- Nope.

- No, are... you're seriously

gonna do this?

- Yes.

Hey, guys, can I grab a ride?

- Oh, all right.

Well, sounds good then.

You just... you take a few nights

to cool off.

I'll stay with my parents.

- Wait.

Where are your parents?

- I dropped them off

on my way here.

- Oh, are you guys the butlers?

Oh, we'll have two full

English breakfasts please,

and I'll take my bacon

nice and crispy.

And did you want to add

something?

- Scotch.

- Just a scotch for her.

- Dear 30-year-old Kate,

when this reaches you

on your birthday,

you'll have the greatest guy

in the world.

Oh, thank you.

He'll be handsome

and sweet and funny.

How's the sangria?

- It's nice.

- Yeah?

- Just your type of sangria.

- It's so strong, by the way.

You'll be

a super successful orthodontist

with your own practice.

You go, girl!

I got it dipped in gold.

- Oh, my god.

- You really did it.

- I know.

It looks awesome, right?

Of course, there's gonna be

a little one to take care of

or at least a bun in the oven.

- Hi.

Hello.

- 30-year-old self,

I have no doubt

that you'll have

the most incredible life.

- Kate?

Kate.

- I'll see you...

- Kate.

- Hmm?

- Hi.

Did you hear what we said?

- What?

- We're engaged.

Oh, my god!

- So unexpected!

- Wow.

Yeah.

Wow.

- Big news.

- You told them.

- I swear to god I didn't...

Except for that one time

in jail.

- Yeah.

- I promise you,

it's news to me.

- Can I be a bridesmaid?

- You already are.

- For which one?

- Uh...

- Well, congratulations!

- Thanks.

- Cheers.

All:
Cheers.

- To love lasting forever.

- Sorry.

- 30-year-old self,

I have no doubt

that you'll have the most

incredible life.

I'll see you there.

- "P.S. Ashley Driscoll

can eat sh*t."

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