Dirty Page #5

And behind door number two

what we gonna do?

(BANGING)

mm-hmm.

You know, f*** you, man.

F*** you!

Hey, no, f*** you.

I f***ing told you,

I didn't f***ing steal from you.

F*** you.

You're f***ed right now.

You feel that?

All right, all right.

All right, all right.

All right, I'll tell you.

It was just there.

It was just there.

Left on my doorstep.

What you say?

I was at my house on the couch.

Right.

All right,

I was just hanging out

and I hear a f***ing knock

on the door.

I open the f***ing door

and the sh*t was just there.

And you're thinking

it was crazy.

That a whole boatload of smack

was left on your doorstep?

I just figured that somebody

wanted me to have it.

That's the f***ing truth.

Are you lying?

Why the f*** don't you guys

believe me?

Oh, sh*t. He's f***ing lying.

Why the f***...

No, he's...

Berg! I know

you're in there.

Your car is out here.

Help! (MUFFLED SCREAMS)

shh.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

BANKS:
Berg!

Berg, berg? Oh, f***,

this motherfuckin' banks,

god damn.

The f***?

That's f***ing banks?

Berg!

Yeah, banks.

It's a hell of a time

for your gambling

to be a f***ing problem.

Yeah, you know something,

if they hadn't stolen

the f***in' money,

I would've paid off

the motherf***er by now.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

Oh, f***.

Shh, shh, shh.

I'm gonna go take care of it.

If he makes a f***ing peep,

blow his f***ing head off.

Okay.

Okay. Okay.

No problem with that one.

No problem.

Who does your hair, man?

Banksy, what can I do

for you guys?

You can start by telling him

to get his f***ing ass out here.

He's not here.

That's fine.

Then you won't mind if we

have a little look around

just to confirm

this tale of yours.

Do you mind

coming back tomorrow...

I'm afraid

I'm gonna have to insist.

All right.

What the f*** is going on here?

(GUNSHOT)

Oh, sh*t!

(EXPLOSION)

(RETCHING)

What the f*** is wrong with you?

Why'd you shoot

that f***ing piece of sh*t?

You know what, they saw him

so they gonna blackmail me.

So, they're not

gonna blackmail me now,

are they, huh?

Piece of sh*t motherf***er.

Howdy doody looking

motherf***er.

F*** him.

Shut up! Shut...

Shut up, man! Stop!

All right?

I can't f***ing

go home like this.

I've got a spare shirt

in the trunk.

So, f*** it, man.

Come on, relax.

CHAVEZ:
Help! Help me!

What are we gonna do

with that piece of sh*t?

After all that

you're still a piece of...

(GROANING)

Yes.

Easy! Motherf***er!

F*** you.

F***.

(MOANING)

Oh, f***.

(MOANING)

oh, f***, yeah.

(MOANING CONTINUES)

(SIGHS)

hey, babe.

Hey.

Hey. How was your day?

If I never see

another text book again,

it'll be too soon.

Whoa, what are you doing?

I wanna watch some TV

before I go to bed.

I'm still pretty wired.

What about me?

Aw.

Poor baby.

You know, we're both so busy.

I know.

I miss you.

Come here.

(GIGGLES)

(CAR HORN HONKING)

I'm thinking

maybe we should go back

to the beginning on this thing.

What are you talking about?

Maybe go back to that Ci

you know.

The one who tipped us off

to the shipment

in the first place.

You think that's a good idea?

You got a better one?

That's where we're going.

JACKSON:
Whoa, whoa, wait, wait, wait.

What's up?

Wait, wait.

It's flat.

You bullshit.

It's flat!

You bullshit!

Oh, f***!

All right, let's change it.

Go ahead.

You change it.

You change

the motherfucking tire.

(MUTTERING)

Is this your idea

of a f***ing joke?

What are you

talking about? What?

Oh, sh*t.

That wasn't here

this morning, man.

You think?

Yes, official.

Somebody's royally

f***ing with us,

right about now.

God...

What... what are we gonna do now?

We're not gonna do sh*t

on three tires, man.

F***ing change it.

Oh, yeah,

that's a brilliant idea, man.

Why don't you dig down

and get that spare tire

from underneath

those dead f***ing bodies

and I'll get the coffee.

Shut the f*** up.

Shut up.

F***, this is so f***ed.

Hi, may I have a number

for a tow truck, please.

So, I woke up

early this morning,

to get the DVD

and it wasn't there.

Okay, you don't think

Karen could've...

no, she didn't.

I watched her all f***ing night.

She didn't move.

This motherf***er

was in my house, berg.

He was in my house.

Look, let's go to your Ci,

all right?

Get some information

and maybe you can

get to the bottom of this thing,

figure out what the f***

is going on around here.

Well, what if he can't?

Hey! No!

Whoa, hey!

The spare?

No spare.

Necesitamos...

nuevo spare.

Nuevo. Gracias.

You know, be real respectful.

Hey, come on.

Come on.

Nice look.

So, this guy's

a little out there.

So, just me do all the talking.

Hey, Jerry.

Shh. Is it Tuesday?

No, buddy.

Today's Thursday.

Oh.

Can I have a dollar?

Jerry, I'm gonna need you

to focus, okay?

Now, are you gonna let us in

or make us

stand out here all day?

Who's the corpse?

Man, have you looked

in a mirror recently?

Oh, he's got

kind of an attitude problem,

doesn't he? He does

have an attitude problem.

But he's cool.

Okay, he's my partner.

I trust him with my life.

I don't like him.

His face, it's...

it's not good.

Hey, f*** you, motherf***er.

Look at you.

Calm down. Stop.

Jerry, Jerry.

Yeah?

Look, I apologize, he's cool.

Please, Jerry, let us in.

I need to talk to you, okay?

Okay, but don't touch my stuff.

I have it organized

just the way I like it.

He's not gonna touch sh*t.

Okay.

Don't touch his sh*t.

No one's touching anything.

Okay.

Okay.

BERG:
What the f*** you

tell him about my face?

JACKSON:
Man, get it together.

Okay?

F*** him,

motherfuckin' Addam's family

lookin' motherf***er.

F*** that sh*t.

Talking about my face...

Oh, sh*t.

God damn,

we're dying up in here, man.

Huh, what the f*** is this?

What is this sh*t?

Shh.

NEIGHBOR:
Hey Jerry, do me a

favor and shut the f*** up.

Just be chill, man.

Don't worry about it.

So, gentlemen,

what do I owe the pleasure

of the visit?

(POUNDING ON WALL)

NEIGHBOR:
Shut the f*** up, damn it.

Don't make me come over there.

Well, so, don't mind her.

She's just mad

because she weighs...

(SHOUTING)

600 pounds!

And she's too fat

to get out of bed!

Ha!

I know.

The smell, right?

Yeah, I know.

It's horrible.

I don't know how some people

let themselves get that way.

So, you guys,

you guys want some coffee?

Yeah, sure.

Okay.

This motherf***er...

can you tell me

what the f*** I'm looking at?

You're looking at about

a stage four hoarder.

Get over it. Stage four

hoarder and a junkie?

God damn, he hit

the proverbial jackpot.

God...

(FAINT CAT SCREECHING)

(FAINT THUDS)

NEIGHBOR:
Hey, look what

you made me do to my cat,

you made me kill

my f***ing cat, you a**hole.

Gentlemen,

what can I do for you?

Jerry, remember a year ago

when you tipped me off

to that thing?

Oh, yeah. Yeah,

the fruits of our labor

so to speak.

Yeah, right.

Well, see Jerry,

we were wondering...

we were wondering

if anybody else knows

about this sh*t?

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes