Dirty Grandpa Page #4
- R
- Year:
- 2016
- 102 min
- $34,690,808
- 5,534 Views
all the way home, handsome?
I'm also giving you
zero stars on Yelp.
What a dick.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Hi, Professor.
Well, there's the prettiest
little girl on the beach.
Thank you.
I was actually
talking to him.
Yup! Immediately offensive.
I'm going back to the hotel.
Just try not to join the cast
of Rent on the way back!
So we got the Professor,
you got the millionaire.
How's the rest
of the Gilligan's Island cast?
We're good.
- Yeah?
- Yeah, everyone's good.
Well, that's good.
Copacetic on the island.
How are those washed-out
pictures you're taking
because you still have
They're not...
Where is that?
Actually, it's really
hypersensitive
on the new 60D model.
So you have to...
- Wait. What is that?
- Okay, nope.
- What are you doing?
- Give it back, Malibu Ken.
- No...
- What?
You did it. You turned
into one of those people.
I turned into
one of those people
that gives a sh*t
about something?
Are you gonna chain
yourself to a polar bear?
Only if you
let me borrow...
What is this,
a beach sweater?
Yeah.
What, did you just
come from skiing?
Yeah, I skied in,
just to see you
save the world.
One Jell-O shot at a time.
High-five!
You want me
to do your back?
Only if you promise
to do my front first.
Gladly.
Whoops!
That never
usually happens.
Really? It happens to me
all the time.
Well, guess who just took
a sh*t in the water?
We've been looking
for you b*tches all day.
Where the f***
have you been?
Our car
broke down in Orlando.
Do you ever
look at your cell phone?
Awesome.
Who are these c*nt punches?
These are our friends that
we met on the way down.
Yeah.
That's Cody and Brah.
They're on the
lacrosse team at Florida.
This guy
plays lacrosse?
All-conference, brah!
Yeah? Which one, the f***ing
Diabetes Conference?
All right, we're about to boat
from the University of Georgia
up in the room. So...
My God!
University of Georgia!
No way! You're a Hornet?
Afraid so.
Well, you guys
should get in there then,
Edward Jizzumhands.
Well, thank you. We will.
Good, that's great.
I'll see you up there.
Good. Well,
you say we'll be there
and on time.
- Sweet. I will.
- Yeah.
Yeah, let's do that.
- No, we should.
- Let's do it now.
- Yeah, I'll see you up there.
- What...
Come to the hotel.
By the pool.
Georgia sucks!
Can we please just go?
They've got boyfriends.
Those meatdick fucks? They're
not their boyfriends.
They're just seniors,
and they're all just terrified
and speed-f***ing each other
before the ship goes down.
Didn't you ever
go on Spring Break?
No, I didn't go
to Spring Break,
'cause I was studying
for law school.
Besides, I can't
chug alcohol anymore
like I used to, Grandpa.
I've developed,
like, a gag reflex.
- A gag reflex?
- Yeah.
You're chugging a beer,
not taking down
a horse cock, Jason.
Come on.
Go Hornets!
Go Hornets, yeah...
Hey, you know, one in three
Even if you can't see it.
Jesus.
Nut the f*** up.
It's just a college party,
you nance. Chill!
Hey, here they are.
I'm gonna get some beers.
You want some of dat drank?
Some of dat purple drank?
Some of dat
purple-ass muthafuckin'
pimp-dick drank?
Who the f*** are you?
It's a pretty rockin' party.
Whoo.
Who let the dogs out?
Am I right?
Sir, before we start,
would you prefer
if we gave you
a spritzer to chug?
Maybe a Pinot Noir?
You're going
down, old man.
Nobody chugs like me.
I bet. You've been chugging
Brah's cum for years.
Let's go.
Chug!
Chug!
Chug!
Chug!
Go! Go! Chug!
It's actually
kind of fun.
Yeah, I'm not really,
you know, for sure,
per say...
...what we're doing
after graduation.
I mean,
- we have offers to play...
- Blah, blah, blah...
...professional
lacrosse in Europe,
but a bunch of agents
Words, words, words...
also want us to start
modeling, so...
And again, we're talking about
this fat f*** right here?
You guys... You have
to come see this right now.
All right, our team won!
Let's celebrate
from a reputable,
local drug dealer.
Hey, what are
you doing here?
I'm selling drugs, man.
I'm trying to put my kid
through preschool.
How honest is that!
Touching my face
a lot, bro.
Touching my face
a whole lot, man.
Why don't you take
some of this.
This'll mellow you out.
- What is it?
- E-cig, bro.
"E" is for "Weed"!
Sure, why not?
Yeah, that's a big...
That's a big one.
Whoo!
Just be glad you didn't smoke this, man.
This is crack!
- What?
- Yeah!
This one...
Wait a minute...
Maybe that one's crack
and this one's weed.
Hang on.
What'd you do now, Pam?
F***. Hold on.
Which one's crack?
Okay. I got this.
Don't freak out.
Sorry to worry you, man.
You're not gonna believe this.
They're both crack.
What?
And you have taken an amount
that will probably kill you
in about 30 minutes.
- I just smoked crack?
- Yeah.
But just, like, a lot.
I just smoked crack.
I just smoked crack!
USA!
USA!
USA!
USA!
Told you.
He's fine.
He's just a little drunk.
Whoo!
Everybody loves crack!
Bee loves crack.
Bee loves some crack.
We should probably
go help him.
Sting? You're stung!
Sh*t,
I just found my queen.
All right.
Okay, let's help him.
Excuse me. Jason!
- Hey, Jason.
- Jason.
- Jason.
- Jason.
Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo.
I'm gonna live forever!
Party on!
Sh*t!
One, two, three...
- Hello?
- Where the f*** have you been?
We got to Grandpa's
a little bit later
than we thought last night,
and my phone charger
wasn't working.
Well, you know
we missed the deadline
for our wedding announcement
to be in the Times.
Where are you?
Are you close?
Listen, Grandpa got
really upset last night.
So I'm just getting
a little bit of
a late jump here.
I want to show you the
bouquets for the bridesmaids.
So switch to
FaceTime, okay?
Sh*t! Baby, the reception at
Grandpa's isn't very good...
Jason, just
f***ing do it!
Okay, one second.
Switching over.
F***! F***! F***!
Is that sand
on your face?
It's just sawdust
because I was helping
Grandpa in the garage, so...
I naturally got the dust
of the saw on the face.
- Hi, honey.
- Jason.
Mom? Dad?
Is that writing
on your face?
I was working on my vows
late last night and...
And I fell asleep and I got
some pen on my face, so...
Yeah, that must be
the exact thing that happened.
Yeah, Meredith
called us because
she hadn't
heard from you all night.
We got the rabbi here
to work on the vows.
Boker tov, Jason.
Hey. Shalom.
No, Jason, really...
What is on your forehead?
It's a swastika
of penises.
No, that's not what it is.
Acting as a pinwheel
of ejaculate...
No, no, no,
it's a FaceTime effect.
All the kids are using
them these days.
There's a Hanukkah one. See?
I don't like that one as much
as the swastika full of d*cks.
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"Dirty Grandpa" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 15 Nov. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/dirty_grandpa_6956>.
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