Dirty Laundry Page #5

Well, today's sermon

is gonna come to us from...

- Luke, 15th chapter.

- Mm-hmm.

- [Woman] All right.

- The 11th through the 32nd verse.

- All right.

- All right.

- Prodigal son.

- [Man] Yes, sir!

Here's a sermon that all of you should hear

because it actually talks about forgiveness.

- Yes.

- And how to love one another.

I can't believe I'm here.

Shh!

I like the story. It goes like this.

You know, the man had two sons.

Don't you "shh" me.

- I'll "shh" you whenever I want.

- Shh!

- Shh!

- Sheldon.

Psst. Psst.

Hey. I'm a good cook.

[Pastor James]... go off and live a little bit,

you know. Don't wanna stay here with you.

So the father thought

about it for a moment.

He said, "Well,

that's what he wants to do.

I'll let him spread his wings."

- You know about spreading

your wings, right? All right.

- Yes.

[Laughing]

[Chattering]

[Woman Humming

Gospel Tune]

- [Continues]

- [No Audible Dialogue]

- Oh, brother Sheldon.

- [Fades Out]

Good to see you here today,

my brother. You know-

Oh, Pastor James, we have got to go.

But I will be calling you.

I have some ideas for your sermon next week.

Um, backsliders, honor thy mother and father.

I'll do you one better than that.

I'm gonna write my thoughts

out on a pad of paper, okay?

- But we must go. Come on, Son.

- God bless you. Good luck, my son.

- Yep.

- He never shut up.

I got the sweet, sweet

- I got it, I got it, I got it, I got it

- [Jackie] Mama.

I got the- Check the bucket.

See if we got our breasts in there.

Tried to short me

on the breasts last time...

fillin' that bucket

with nothin' but wings.

My fried okra in there

and hot sauce?

- Pudge, check for the biscuits.

- [Jackie] Yes, Mama. Yes.

- All right then.

- Hmm. Sunday brunch.

Nice. Dignified.

Sitting waterfront, eating egg-white omelets

and a glass of champagne.

What you mumbling about?

Uh, nothing.

Nothing, nothing.

I was just thinking

about being home...

having brunch with, uh-

- Ryan?

- Who?

[Pudge]

Who's that man on the porch?

- I don't know.

- It's a white man.

Is he from the gas company?

[Groans]

Ryan, what are you doing here?

How did you get here?

- Airplane, silly.

- You know exactly what I'm talking about.

- I found the tickets, Patrick.

- Sheldon, what's going on?

- Uh-

- Who's Sheldon?

- Uh- Oh, God.

- Who's this?

- This-

- I'm his mother. Who are you?

[Scoffs] I don't think so.

Patrick's mom lives in France.

France?

Sheldon, what is going on?

- Who's Sheldon? Baby, you-

- Uh-

Baby?

Kids, come on. Get in the house.

Go. Go, go. Y'all go on. Get in.

- Baby?

- Go. Pudge, hurry up.

Baby?

Oh, my God!

What the hell is going on?

- Mama, watch your mouth.

- Sheldon, who is that?

His name is Ryan,

and he is my partner.

- Partner?

- Yes, my partner.

Okay?

We-We're together.

- The white boy?

- Let's not make this more dramatic-

Dramatic?

You got a lot of nerve!

Right in your-

Inviting your partner into my house!

- I didn't invite him here.

- What you mean you didn't invite him?

- That's not the point, Jackie.

- Then what does matter, Sheldon?

It doesn't matter.

It's irrelevant.

Boy, I'm going to relevant

you all over this house.

Ooh! Partner?

- A white boy? In my house?

- Mama.

And on a Sunday too!

Come on, Mama.

Didn't- Didn't I cover this when

I told you about the birds and the bees?

Yeah, I remember

the conversation very well.

"Sheldon, don't get

any girls pregnant...

and don't bring home

any white girls."

- I remember.

- Well, I guess I must have left something out.

Excuse me.

I'm really sorry.

Patrick, can I speak

with you for a minute?

Yeah.

Sit down, Mama.

Mama, sit down.

- Oh, I'm okay, Jackie.

- Sit down, Mama.

- Mama, just sit down, please.

- Oh.

- I'm leaving.

- What?

- I'm leaving.

- Ryan, you just got here.

Yeah, and it's already more drama

than a double episode of the Gilmore Girls.

Don't leave.

I mean, has our whole entire relationship

just been built on lies?

No. I love you.

I always have.

And that's just supposed to make

everything better, huh?

You know, Dr. Phil says that a love

built on a foundation of lies and mistrust...

is just like

Joan Rivers's face- fake.

Look, you know what?

I really don't think that Dr. Phil said that.

Don't patronize me right now.

Calm down. Stay.

[Sighs]

Don't leave.

- I'm leaving.

- No, you're not.

- Yes, I am.

- No, you're not.

[Evelyn]

Yes, he is!

[Whispering]

No, you're not.

Yes, he is!

- [Sighs]

- [Whispering] Come here.

You know, I must say...

this is some of the best

chicken I've ever had.

It came from the chicken shack

down the street.

You know, Patrick

never lets us eat like this.

He always wants to eat

some schmancy fancy food...

and I'm like, "Muh!

Give me a corn dog, you know?"

[Sighs]

This... is nice.

Could you excuse us for a minute?

Oh.

And I'm gonna go check on the kids.

You were always ashamed

to be a part of this family.

Oh, God. Please, man,

don't start with me now.

- You know that's not true.

- [Scoffs] Really?

You walk around here with them big-ass ideas

like you was better than everybody else.

Okay. It's not my fault that I didn't want

to be a manager of a butcher shop.

That's a good job.

And it paid for your fancy ass

for many a year.

- You got one more time to call me fancy.

- You know what?

- Just callin' it like I see it, bro.

- That's it right there.

That's exactly why I didn't wanna spend

the rest of my f***in' life-

- Now, wait a f***in' minute.

- In this little small-ass town...

with simple people with small ideas.

I'm the only one that can use

that language in my house, boy.

Mama, I'm not a boy.

I'm a man.

See, that is your problem, Sheldon.

Always sassin' and talkin' back.

You always had too much pride.

Mama, do you know

how long it took me...

to finally feel good about who I am?

I don't know what you're

talkin' about, Sheldon.

- I have always-

- Have you ever looked at me for who I am?

- Sheldon, I see you.

- Oh, hell, Mama. Everybody can see.

Do you realize how hard it was

growing up around here?

You know, feeling like I never

was really a part of anything...

or feeling like something

was wrong with me.

I always raised my kids not to even care

about what other people think.

- Mama, I'm talking about you.

- Excuse me?

I never felt good enough.

At all. Never.

You know, I couldn't say the right things,

I couldn't do the right things.

You know, I just- I felt

like I always came up short.

- Sheldon. Now, you know that-

- Did you ever accept me for being me?

- Well, what about you, Sheldon?

- Excuse me?

Always lookin' down your nose

at your own family.

- Oh, come on.

- Oh, listen to you now. Poor Sheldon.

- "Nobody understands me. Nobody loves me."

- That's bullshit, man.

- You are full of bullshit.

- Shut up, Eugene, 'cause you don't even know me.

No. You don't know yourself, bro.

That's your problem. You're not proud of yourself.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes