Dirty Rotten Scoundrels Page #3

- When do I meet him?

- He's in his room, even as we speak.

- Would you like to meet him right now?

- I would love to.

- What's he doin' out here?

- His quarters are here.

I think I should warn you

that Ruprecht is, well, uh,

special.

Ruprecht, it is I, your brother.

No sudden moves.

You've been banging on your

pots again, haven't you?

I told you, if you keep on doing

it, you won't have any pots left.

All right.

Cuddly-cuddly.

Oh, Ruprecht.

Ruprecht, don't do that. Ruprecht, no!

Stop it, Ruprecht! Ruprecht!

He's very affectionate.

Now, come along. Come along.

Now, I want you to meet this nice lady.

- Mother?

- No, this isn't your mother.

- Not Mother?

- No. But I have wonderful news.

Miss Trumble and I are

going to be married.

And we are going to live in Oklahoma.

Really?

Oh dear.

Ruprecht!

We have a guest. What

do we do for guests?

What did we do when Uncle Ted was here?

No, Ruprecht.

Ruprecht, no!

After that.

We apologize.

Ruprecht!

Ruprecht! You want the genital cuff?

Don't worry, Ruprecht. We

won't go anywhere without you.

Oklahoma! Oklahoma!

Oklahoma! Oklahoma! Oklahoma!

He'll enjoy Oklahoma's

wide-open spaces.

He loves to run and run and run.

- Not Mother?

- No, Ruprecht. She's not our mother.

- Go on, Diana. You were saying.

- Well, I think that... Ow!

- Ruprecht!

- May I take your trident, sir?

Yes.

Now, Diana, as you were saying. You don't

think the poor should be allowed in museums?

- I think...

- Ruprecht.

Don't take the cork off the fork.

Why is the cork on the fork?

To prevent him hurting

himself... and others.

Ooh!

Ruprecht, eat your apple sauce.

Ruprecht, we have wonderful news.

Diana and I are going to be married...

and we are all going

to live in Palm Beach.

Ruprecht!

- Eat your food.

- Excuse me.

- May I go to the bathroom first?

- Of course you may.

Thank you.

Driving relaxes Ruprecht.

Oh, Lawrence, this

is the happiest day of my life!

I think my testicles are dropping!

It's been a very good month, chaps.

Now, we've got 20% for the overhead.

- For you, Arthur, it's 10%.

- Thank you, sir.

Ow!

- 15% for you, Andre.

- Nice work.

And the rest is for me.

- Au revoir, Lawrence.

- Au revoir, Andre.

Excuse me! What about me? What do I get?

You are the student,

Freddy. You get knowledge.

Wait a minute. I did most of the work. I

should get my share of the cash.

Freddy, I wouldn't dream of giving you

your share without being certain

that you would spend it

wisely on beauty and culture.

I've got culture coming out of my ass.

Spending money is a

responsibility, Freddy.

All right, all right. How am

I supposed to spend my money?

Now, all these wines are very old.

I purchased them to make certain

that they were cared for properly.

So you got a lot

of wine to drink.

You can't drink them, Freddy.

They're far too valuable.

- So you sell them?

- I'd never sell them.

They mean too much to me.

In Europe, Freddy, gardens take

centuries to grow and cultivate.

This one was about to die,

until Mrs. Everson's brooch

paid for its preservation.

- What's the angle?

- There is no angle, Freddy.

I rescued this from certain destruction

and donated it to the museum.

Just looking at it feeds my soul.

- May I say something here?

- Of course.

Are you kidding me or what?!

I don't get it.

You want me to spend my

money on wine you can't drink,

and a garden that, frankly to me, looks

like a big mowing headache.

Now, it's true that is a sculpture of a

naked woman, and I can appreciate that.

But otherwise, you

have got to be joking.

You agreed to do what I say.

Yes, but I didn't agree to you telling

me how to spend my money,

and I didn't agree to playing Ruprecht,

the Monkey boy all the time!

I'm going it alone.

Ugh!

Freddy. You still have so much to learn.

No, thanks. I was doing

great with my own look.

I don't need these clothes

or I don't need your instructions.

You taught me what you know.

Great. Thanks. Thanks a yahoo.

I'm gettin' out of this town.

Good luck.

Well, the Jackal has finally tucked his

tail between his legs and crawled away.

Good. Then it is business as usual, huh?

- Au revoir, Lawrence.

- Au revoir, Andre.

Oh, Miss! Miss!

Excuse me. Do you know where I can pick-up

a copy of the Wall Street Journal?

I'm trying to find out the latest stock

prices to see how my takeover bid is going.

You know, it's so hard to get the

stock prices around here.

Au revoir!

What are you doing here?

You know, that's a funny story.

I was at the train

station, ticket in hand,

and I thought to myself "What am I leaving

this place for? I love me here!"

So, I'll be around a

little bit more. Lucky you.

Freddy. Freddy!

Freddy!

There simply isn't enough room for

both of us to work Beaumont-sur-Mer.

You know what I think?

I think you're scared.

Of what?

Me. Competition. You've been

top dog in this town for so long,

you think you own the place. Nice!

Believe me, Freddy,

I'm not afraid of you.

Sure you are, and you should be.

I'm younger than you. I'm

better-looking than you.

I'm thinner than you.

I could kick your ass off

this hill in a New York minute.

And I could have you arrested again.

And I could always call

Lady Fanny of Omaha.

Freddy, as a younger man,

I was a sculptor, a

painter and a musician.

There was just one problem.

I wasn't very good.

As a matter of fact, I was dreadful.

I finally came to the

frustrating conclusion

that I had taste and

style, but not talent.

I knew my limitations.

We all have our limitations, Freddy.

Fortunately, I discovered

that taste and style

were commodities that people desired.

Freddy, what I'm saying

is... know your limitations.

You are a moron.

You've been trying to get me out

of this town ever since I came here.

I'll tell you what. We'll make a bet.

If I lose, I'll leave.

If I win... you leave.

All right, Freddy, suppose we try this.

We find a woman, set a price,

and the first man to extract

the correct amount from her wins.

But if you...

But if you lose, you not

only leave town graciously,

you promise never to come

back to Beaumont-sur-Mer again.

Done. Who's the woman?

Ooh!

- Charles!

- Yes, monsieur?

- Who is that?

- Miss Janet Colgate, monsieur.

Who is she?

I believe she is the

United States Soap Queen.

Thank you, Charles.

- OK, how much?

- She's a little young, isn't she?

Out of your league?

All right. I'll make it

easy for you. $50,000.

$50,000?!

Out of your league?

All right. I could use $50,000.

First one to get 50,000 out of her.

May the best man win.

Thank you.

She is at the roulette table,

just waiting for Your Highness.

And Freddy?

He has dropped from sight.

Perhaps the Jackal finally realizes

he is no match for the lion, huh?

Keep your eyes open,

Andre. He'll turn up.

Mesdames, Messieurs, faites vos jeu.

Rien Ne Va plus. Termini!.

Merci.

Les jeu, messieurs.

33!

400 francs.

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