Dirty Tricks Page #2

I'm fired.

Denny does Clive's books.

I have privileges.

We can't talk here.

You can say what you like

in front of this lot.

I teach them. None of them speak

a word of English.

Really'?

- Yeah. Just talk quickly.

We can't have an affair.

I love Denny.

Well, who said

anything about love'?

We can't have an affair.

I can't...

This is fun.

Can I really say

anything I like?

Apparently, yes.

Denny and I

don't have sex anymore.

And I want it.

I think about it all the time.

But I love Denny.

So, what's your problem?

Sorry.

I really like you

and everything.

I just can't.

So, uh, Garcia.

What did you think

that conversation was about?

I think he wants to shag her.

But she says she don't want.

Although she do want.

Women always do want.

But she want dollar to shag him,

and he only offer her carrots.

Uh, yeah, yeah.

That's -- That's nearly there.

Let's -- Let's carry on,

shall we,

and see if -- if you were right.

But she got Dennis

to ask me 'round again.

I knew she would.

Karen and I understood perfectly

the complicated rules

of our relationship.

In the beginning, anyway.

Quiero hablar

con Carlos Ventura.

MAN; Si.

Hola. Carlos.

It's me.

CARLOS:

I recognize your voice!

Yes, I should hope you do

recognize my voice.

Listen, I'm on my way

back to Malagrena.

Right now.

[Siren wailing]

I'll tell you when I get there.

I've got to go.

[Sighs]

Dennis, for some unknown reason,

got rather fond of me.

Mm, there.

Now, what do you think of that'?

That's -- That's smooth,

isn't it?

Slips down your throat

like velvet.

Now, this one

is a sort of a cross

between a late-harvest riesling

and an Amarone.

As in Valpolicella.

Ah.

KAREN:

[Meaning softly]

Now, this one is, uh...

[ Sniffs ]

Big.

It's a big wine.

Mm.

It's enormous.

It explodes in the mouth.

Big, hot...

hard, and juicy.

With a tremendous attack

on the nose.

Generous,

well-proportioned body.

Soft.

But very firm.

Have you been reading

these tasting notes?

EDWARD:

And a long, lingering

final...

...grip.

[Gasping softly]

Are you snoring, Karen'?

She snores like a pig.

I'm going to bed.

EDWARD:

Good night.

Night.

I don't suppose

an eternal student like you

could ever afford

30-year-old Armagnac.

You know how much this cost me'?

Not one penny.

Friend of a friend.

Payment in kind.

Lot of it goes on.

Shame to dump it on the dregs.

I'll get some fresh glasses.

Now, according to this bloke,

it has a smooth complexity

that defies description.

-[ Laughs ]

-[ Zips 1

it must be

absolutely bloody amazing

if he can find no words for it.

Honestly, the old bore

goes on and on and on

about his blessed wine.

You'd think he had nothing else

in his life.

[ Laughs ]

No, no, not the floor cupboard,

you twerp.

The one above your head.

Well, come on.

Chop, chop.

We don't want to be sitting here

all night, boy!

Oh, I'm just...

I was just coming.

[ Gasps ]

Ah! Ah!

[ Gasping ]

You all right'?

Oh. Cramp.

You want to learn to relax, boy.

It's good to be with a lad...

The rules were that this woman

would go down on me

in her husband's presence

but wouldn't touch me,

wouldn't see me or speak to me,

unless he was there.

...and get you

right royally pissed

on a cab sauv from Argentina.

[ Laughs ]

Good night, Dennis.

But wherever it might lead,

whether we wanted to or not,

I knew that night that we were

bound to go all the way.

Dennis even offered me

a free holiday m the Dordogne.

I was hoping that my real

intimacy with Karen

might begin now,

as it so often does

with English women en vacances.

It's about the only occasion

when they have enough time

for sex.

MAN:
Au revoir.

Merci beacoup, monsieur.

Bonne chance.

Ah, bonjour!

Bonjour!

Hi!

I'm so glad you decided to come.

We have a friend

who's a neighbor.

Alison Kraemer.

Just your sort of person.

Are you trying to pair me off

with someone, Thomas?

Hi.

How's your tan'?

- Hello, Dennis.

- Hi there.

You're looking good.

Thanks. Come in.

It's lovely.

-Is it?

-[ Laughs ]

A couple of clays later

we went for lunch

at the neighbor's house.

I couldn't help thinking

that this

was what

they should have rented.

I felt

immediately at home here.

Just my sort of place.

Alison Kraemer owned it.

And of course

it had been in her family

for several generations.

Hello!

How lovely!

Well done you for finding it.

Come in.

Hello.

This is our friend.

- How do you do'?

-Hello. I'm Alison.

[indistinct talking, laughter]

EDWARD:

Thank you.

So, what made you

read languages?

To learn

how to conceal my thoughts.

Actually, I wanted to experience

"Therese Raquin"

in the original.

The original what?

The original French.

And now we all have to say

why we hate the French.

Without using the word

"lorry driver."

[ Laughter]

[Laughs loudly]

THOMAS:
Lyn and I

are just off out, Dennis!

See you!

[Vehicle door closes,

engine turns over]

[Vehicle departs]

[Shower running]

[ Gasps ]

- I'll scream.

- I hope so.

KAREN:

[Meaning]

She's a stuck-up b*tch,

that Kraemer woman.

DENNIS:

Karen'? Karen'?

Where are you, Karen'?

What are we gonna do with him'?

What are we gonna do

without him'?

[ Chuckles ]

Hello, Dennis.

Ah.

Where is everybody'?

Where's, um, Karen'?

She's up to something

in the bathroom.

Physical jerks of some sort.

Do you mind if I ask you

a very personal question?

Of course you can.

Do you have a pension plan

of any kind?

I have no fewer than

three personal pension plans.

And I also have

a company scheme.

And I've tied one of them

into a really state-of-the-art

life-insurance plan.

That's great.

If I died tomorrow,

I would be worth three-quarters

of a million pounds.

[Exhales sharply]

I mean, I'd be dead, of course.

What I mean to say is,

Karen would be worth

three-quarters

of a million pounds.

That gives me

very real satisfaction.

That's...

That's Wonderful.

[Laughing]

After that, killing the man

would have been doing him

a favor, really, wouldn't it'?

But the funny thing is, in spite

of what happened subsequently,

I did not kill Dennis Parsons.

That is the absolute truth.

I'd like the best available

single ticket

to San Bartolomeo, please.

It's in

the Republic of Malagrena.

South America.

Slightly to the right

of Guatemala.

Politically speaking.

You'll have to change

at Newark, sir.

That's fine.

I repeat --

I did not murder Dennis Parsons.

You see, Dennis being alive

suited both of us

very Well indeed.

Our adultery was different

after France.

The rules of engagement

altered.

The great charm of Dennis

was his predictability.

You could set your watch

by him.

And to make things all the more

exciting, we did just that.

- Bye, darling!

- Bye!

- I've got my period.

- So'?

[Vehicle approaches]

[Vehicle door closes]

Karen'?

Karen'?

KAREN:

[Meaning ] No!

No what?

I wanted to know

Whether you had rung Roger

about that estimate for

the building work in the cellar.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes