Dirty Tricks Page #3

Karen, did you ring Roger or Ken

about that estimate

for the building work

in the cellar?

Yes! Yes!

Yes!

[ Gasping ]

Well, what did you tell him'?

I told him...l told him...

Go on!

Don't stop!

Oh. Sorry.

[Meaning]

Karen, what did you say to Roger

about the cellar?

Carry on!

You're doing a great...

[Moans] great job down there!

[ Gasping ]

Karen, what are you doing

in there'?

Just...finishing my...

...exercises!

It's late! [ Moans]

You don't want to be late!

[Meaning]

It's all very Well for you.

I'm the one who's out there

running around all day,

making all the calls

while you lie around here

enjoying yourself.

Always the life of Riley,

isn't it, woman?

[Meaning]

[ Door closes]

Oh, that was the best ever.

It's like he's here

but -- but not here.

Do you know what I mean'?

I think I do, yeah.

Ahh!

And then two weeks after

our return from France,

term started.

I went back almost cheerfully

to the Clive Phillips

seat of learning.

Well, well, well.

It's our tame intellectual,

back from his holiday.

If you're asking me

if I enjoyed myself, Clive,

the answer's yes.

Well, I hope

it didn't cost you too much.

How unusually thoughtful of you

to worry about

my financial situation.

Although I suppose

the appalling bad Wages you pay

do make you

in a sense responsible.

Well, I'm about to take

an even greater share

of that responsibility

because as of, uh,

9:
00 this morning,

you're officially

off the payroll, sonny Jim.

You are fired.

By no means

is your contract being renewed.

I take a very dim view

of my teachers leaving me short

while they swan around France

with my friends.

Well, thank you for this

new career opportunity, Clive.

I know Where you live.

Ah!

Fancy meeting you here!

What a coincidence!

Clive Phillips fired me.

From now on you'll meet me on

every street corner in Oxford.

Oh, well, join us, matey!

Come in on our picnic.

Today is my 40th birthday!

We're goin' up de river!

[ Laughs ]

He says it's the first day

of the rest of his life!

Oh, we got to have

a little fun somehow, boy!

We got to take our chances

while we may!

Who knows'? Two hours from now,

I could be dead!

[ Laughter]

-[ PODS ]

-Ho ho!

Whoa! Oh!

Ohh.

The view from here

is delightful.

It takes quite a bit

of expertise, you know,

this, uh, poking your stick

at the bottom.

[ Laughs ]

KAREN:
We haven't got

any champagne left.

DENNIS:
Whoop!

[ Laughs ]

I can't seem to find it.

Dennis, do you think

this is an awfully good idea?

[Laughs] It's fine!

It'll be fine.

Oh, I've done this before,

you know.

EDWARD:
Dennis, that's --

that's actually the river.

-It's the Thames.

- Oh, what can go Wrong?

Don't you worry.

You're in --

You're in safe hands.

Well, the currents can be quite

strong around here, Dennis.

Oh, don't you worry about me.

I shall be fine.

Dennis, uh, do let me have a go.

Dennis, I don't think this is

a very good idea. It's a river.

I may not have been to Oxford,

old boy,

but I do know

a thing or two about --

-om

- KAREN:
Aah!

Denny!

Aah!

- Aah! Denny!

- Ohh!

Aah! Denny!

Grab the paddle.

Can he swim'?

Latch onto this!

Help! Help! Help!

Denny!

[Thud]

Aah!

Oh, dear.

Oh, dear, oh, dear, oh, dear.

Denny!

Aah! [Sobbing]

Denny!

We're going away from him!

Perhaps that's 'cause you're

paddling in the wrong direction!

Did you say he could swim

or not'?

Has he ever had lessons'?

Denny! Denny!

[ Sobbing ]

MAN:
Dennis Parsons

was no ordinary accountant.

The boating accident

that claimed his life

deprived us of a man

who was a lot more

than a number cruncher

who knew a lot about wine.

He was a man Whose dedication

to his chosen profession

led him to an appreciation

of the finer things in life.

But gourmet cuisine

and interior design

were not the whole

of Dennis Parsons.

He cared.

I've gathered from all of you

that he really did care

about other people.

You know Alison's a widow too'?

EDWARD:
Maybe that's why

they look so good together.

THOMAS:
Yeah, Women do look good

in black.

Especially Karen, I think.

Poor Dennis.

I keep asking myself

if there was something more

I could have done.

Oh, you've done

more than enough.

How happy could I be

with either

F Were Tether

dear charmer away

But Whilst

they still tease me together

To neither a word will I say

F Ba-dum ba-dee da-da-dum F

[ Sobbing ]

I...

I can't see you.

I mustn't see you.

I just mustn't.

I did love him.

We killed him.

We killed Denny.

It was an accident, Karen.

You didn't mean to paddle

in the wrong direction.

I didn't mean to hit him

on the head with the pole.

[Sighs]

If I had, I'd have hit him

a damned sight harder.

Somehow or other --

Goo' knows how --

I managed to salvage

a weekend with her in Wales.

But I had to take my bike

on the train.

Karen had insisted

on separate travel.

And separate rooms.

Are you the plumber?

No, I'm a guest, actually.

Stable that, would you?

I always wanted children,

you see'?

Denny didn't.

I mean, he...

He -- He couldn't.

You mean, he was...

Well, he -- he wasn't...

I mean, he wasn't very...

But he wasn't completely.

It was his sperm.

It often is the sperm.

I've always loved children.

Really?

Oh, love them to bits.

Their little faces and so on.

Can't we at least be friends'?

Can't we try and salvage

something out of all this mess'?

No.

Another bottle

of Meursault, please.

It was Dennis's favorite.

The next morning, I suggested

a walk to a nearby reservoir.

It was there

that I made my big pitch.

I timed it

very, very carefully.

I really thought

I was in danger

of kissing goodbye

to nearly a million pounds,

which was what this

barely literate gym teacher

was now worth.

Karen, you know what

you were saying last night

about children?

Sometimes I wish

I'd just had your baby.

I could have pretended

it was Denny's.

Darling, that's what

I was gonna say!

Karen, babies are

sacred things to me.

I was always secretly hoping

you might get pregnant by me.

That's why I hardly ever

used protection.

I wanted your baby, Karen.

Do you mean that?

Of course I mean that.

Couldn't you tell'?

And it's not too late now.

I know we've been thoughtless

and irresponsible

and all of those things.

But now we've got the chance

to make up for it.

Let's have a baby.

For you and me.

And, you know, for Dennis.

I always thought I was just sex

as far as you were concerned.

"Just sex."

How can you say that'?

The sex was the best

I've ever had,

but you were always a lot more

than just sex.

What we had was love, Karen.

And children

are what makes love real.

They're what survive

after We're gone.

You're so right.

It's like Denny said

that day on the boat.

I could be dead

sooner than I think.

You could.

It's a strong possibility.

KAREN:
I'm a very simple person,

really.

I love animals.

I love the outdoors.

I love my mum.

I love babies.

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