Dirty Tricks Page #4

And I love teaching gymnastics.

I love it!

I'd like one day to devise

a course of simple stretches

and market it commercially.

And you?

You never talk about you.

Oh, well, as Denny used to say,

I'm an eternal student.

I was brought up to believe in

something called culture.

[ Chuckles ]

You don't want to hear

my boring views, do you?

You want to know about me,

about my family,

about my personal details.

You want to check out the father

of your child, don't you?

I told her rather more

about myself

than I usually do to women.

But I didn't mention

my vasectomy.

You have both now made

the declarations required by law

and made the solemn promises

to each other

in the presence

of your Witnesses.

We all hope that the feelings

of love and commitment

that you have expressed today

will deepen and grow

throughout the coming years.

It is therefore

my duty and pleasure

to pronounce you

husband and wife together.

Would you like to seal

the marriage with a kiss'?

[Whispering ] Now you can

make love to me properly.

I think we ought to wait

till we get home.

Love me lots'?

Lots and lots and lots and lots!

Oh!

This is

an absolutely hideous sofa.

Oh, darling,

it was Denny's favorite.

He chose it.

Then we must never change it.

What's the matter?

Nothing. Nothing.

I'll go upstairs and get ready.

We're married now, darling.

We don't have to be, you know,

furtive about it.

Oh. Actually, kind of

quite like being furtive.

[ Laughs ]

Silly baby.

Beddy-byes.

Karen wasn't

just after impregnation.

She wanted quality impregnation

and approached it

with the fewer

of someone taking Communion.

"Don't pull back --

Give my child a chance"

was her slogan.

It quite put me off my stroke.

- KAREN:
[Giggling ] Oh!

-[ Door slams]

- Are you all right, darling?

- I'm fine, darling.

- Are you all right, darling?

- I'm fine, darling.

It's just you I'm Worried about.

I'm fine.

Are you all right, though?

Maybe it's because

you're unemployed.

It can affect your...

Virility.

Our social life wasn't

exactly scintillating either.

Our first outing as a couple

was to a drinks party

at the American

Thomas Carter's place.

Hello, my darling girl.

How's married life'?

You got a job yet, genius?

Or are you

just living off your wife?

As geniuses tend to do,

so I'm told.

I'm looking into a few projects.

A couple in your area, in fact.

And if you're interested, Clive,

we both have separate bank

accounts, don't we, darling'?

Yeah'? Wonder how much

is in yours, then'?

[ Horn honks ]

EDWARD:

How did Dennis stand him'?

Denny had real respect

for anyone with money.

He would have been

at home here, then.

[indistinct talking, laughter]

It's all Well here'?

Just recouping some of

your exorbitant fees, old man.

[ Laughter]

Okay.

Come on.

I have to be nice

to these people.

They pay the rent.

[ Chuckles ]

-[ Laughter]

- Yeah, sure.

How come you're so in

with Thomas Carter

and the management set'?

Thomas and I

make music together.

Pbht! Sorry'?

Byrd.

You know Byrd'?

Thomas plays the recorder.

Blimey.

I don't expect

he's heard of Byrd.

I imagine the old Brahms

and Liszt are more his style.

And who's

your favorite composer?

- Faur.

Really'?

I'm particularly fond

of the slow movement

of his second piano sonata.

Me too.

[Both chuckling]

Faur didn't write

any piano sonatas.

Oh, so sorry.

Am I intruding'?

Not at all.

I was just going.

OW home to your Age, are you?

ls Camilla Parker Bowles

dropping 'round'?

Come on, Rebecca.

Why is it people like you

seem to avoid us

now we're married, hmm'?

Aren't we good enough for you?

ls that it'?

Denny's business head

was good enough for her old man

when Denny was alive, wasn't it'?

I mean, what the f***

do you think I am playing at'?

Is this my toy boy or what?

What the sodding hell

do people like you

think about people like me,

anyway, eh'?

EDWARD:
Come on, darling.

Let's go home.

Have you come yet'?

Almost there, darling.

Are you all right'?

Oh, don't worry about me.

Oh, yes.

[Meaning]

Yes! Oh!

Not much has been written about

the simulated male orgasm.

But I faked about three a clay.

[Breathing heavily]

How was that for you?

It was Wonderful.

Oh, good.

What do you think about

when we make love'?

I think about the way you move.

I think about

the things you say.

I think about you, darling.

I sometimes worry you might be,

you know,

thinking about...

...you know...

About what?

About Alison Kraemer.

Darling, that's a horrible thing

to say.

It was also --

unusually for Karen --

bang on the money.

So, what are your plans

for today?

I'm trying to find a place

for the new language school

and sorting out the bank loan.

In fact, I was just wondering

if you could transfer a couple

of thou into my account

while I'm Waiting

for the business loan.

You'll get it back, honey.

Of course.

Sorry.

- See you later.

- Bye.

Mind how you go

on the parallel bars.

"What are your plans

for today, darling?"

"Living off

your immoral earnings, dear."

God in heaven.

[Tires screech ]

[Tires screech, thud]

- Oh, it's you.

- I'm afraid so.

The man who tried to bluff

on Faur's piano sonatas.

I am sorry.

I must have seemed

terribly rude.

Not at all.

Disapproval can be

terribly bracing.

Shall we inspect the damage'?

Let's forget about it.

But you have to promise

to meet for tea one afternoon.

Darling, will you speak

to Galen.

He's terribly upset

about Squishy and Trouncy

because they can't come skiing.

Okay'?

I'm not gonna murder her.

Honestly.

I just can't bear you

to think ill of me, that's all.

I want to explain what really

happened between Karen and I.

And I know you disapprove.

You all disapprove.

But your disapproval matters,

and I have to explain.

Tea at Greens?

Next Thursday?

You won't come to any harm.

Karen'?

All okay, darling?

Fine.

I saw Thomas Carter today.

Really?

You see a lot of him.

Well, he was Denny's partner.

He helps administer the estate.

Does he'?

Is that all he does'?

I don't know

what you're on about.

Said he saw you

with, uh, Alison Kraemer.

Yes.

S-She ran into me.

Darling, why should you imagine

I'm interested

in Alison Kraemer'?

She's the sort of Englishwoman

that has a sign that lights up

on her forehead

if you're foolish enough

to touch them.

It says,

"Now please wash your hands."

And what does my sign say'?

"Use twice daily and discard"?!

I can't go on with this!

You're so cold!

[ Footsteps ascending ]

She's not the sort of Woman

to have an affair

with a married man.

She's got a nephew called Galen,

for Christ's sake.

[ Door slams ]

[Sighs]

Although she might be prepared

to look seriously

at a very rich widower.

What do you think?

Thank you.

I know what everyone thinks

about me.

Even your daughter thinks it.

- Oh, take no notice.

- I know you don't like Karen.

Is she having an affair

with your musical friend'?

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