Divorce Invitation Page #6

for you, if you want to change.

Right through there.

Hi.

Here you go. Is there anything else

I can do for you, Ms. Roverson?

No, thank you. You can go

home for the rest of the night.

Happy birthday.

Thanks.

You know, there's a

movie theater inside,

and I have "Superman" all

cued up and ready to go.

"Superman"... Wow.

That brings back memories.

I know.

You watched it two times in a row.

At the drive-in.

How did you know that?

I was there... in the last row...

watching you.

I came there because I

wanted to say goodbye,

and I wanted to apologize, but...

I wasn't allowed to.

I tried every excuse in the book to

sneak out of that car and come see you,

but the driver wouldn't let me.

My dad's orders.

To Superman.

Truth, justice, and the American way.

You remember that scene when he's

able to spin the earth backwards?

Yeah.

Sometimes I wish I could spin the

world back thirteen years, you know?

Me too.

I... I can't.

I understand.

I can't, but...

So, you gonna tell me where

you disappeared to last night?

I thought I told you.

I went to Alex's office.

Yeah, Scott told me, but I thought

that was yesterday afternoon.

Yeah. Yeah. You know what? Yesterday

was her birthday, and I didn't even know.

Yeah, they had a big beach party

for her out at her house in Malibu.

I couldn't say no.

I was gonna call you, but...

Oh, that's fine. Just didn't

want you to drink and drive.

Just worried about you.

We had a very good meeting with Fresco.

You want to know the way I see it?

All right, look,

Fresco made a valid point...

we should start with five branches.

That way, we all get to bed on time,

- we still reach our goal.

- Jesus, grandpa, what are you, 80?

We need to enter this

thing with a big bang.

Can't leave room for lots of little

copycat's to start popping up.

Yeah, I don't even know why we

took that meeting today. I mean,

we have a better deal at Girthan's.

Thank you.

- Did you f*** her?

- Scotty.

Just checking.

Rick, could you give us a minute?

Could you give us a minute, please?

Got it.

Okay, look, I'm sorry.

I shouldn't have said that.

But where were you last night, Mike?

Scotty, let's talk business, okay?

No biases, no conflicts of interest.

- She is giving us the deal of a lifetime.

- I never disagreed with that.

And for the record, she did not stand

me up at prom. It was her dad, not her.

Well, what happened to her check?

Did you return it?

Scott, Scotty, Scottster...

Do not f*** this up.

Just let's look at it this way.

As long as we're making a pile of cash,

who really cares who fucks who?

- Yeah...

- Scotty...

No goof-ups. Trust me.

Yeah, I promise.

Well, I think the proposal is perfect

as is, so I'm signing off on it.

We have a deal.

- We have a deal.

- We have a deal.

I love you.

I want to spend the rest

of my life with you.

I feel like my life had passed

me by until I saw you again.

I'm committed, Mike. I'm willing

to be in this for the long haul.

But it's up to you.

I'll wait until Christmas

to hear your answer.

I f***in' knew it.

You playing with

people's lives again?

You...

You are a dangerous

man to know, Mike.

I know. I'm sorry.

What do I tell Dylan?

I'm not a freakin' counselor, Mike.

What kind of question is that?

"Do I dump my wife

before I close the deal?

Or do I close the deal,

then dump her?"

Well, what would you

do if you were me?

Me?

I would've taken Kimberly to the

prom thirteen years ago, okay?

- That's what I would've done.

- Dude, come on, like...

I really need your help.

You're my best friend.

Why do you keep getting yourself in

the same situations over and over?

You got a rich girl on one side

and a poor one on the other.

You calling me a gold digger?

I'll answer that later.

First, you tell me...

did you sleep with her or not?

Oh, sh*t.

Do you love her?

Oh, sh*t!

- What do I do?

- How am I supposed to know?

Remember, you're the one who looks

at everything on the bright side.

Tell you what. Do both women.

Do both women, keep the franchise,

and two helicopters, too.

And I'll stay quiet for life.

Know why?

'Cause I'm your best...

I'm your best friend.

- You're drunk. Come on.

- Let me go.

You're the one that needs a hand.

Finish that.

"Dearest Dylan.

"I'm sorry I didn't have the

guts to tell you this in person.

I have so much gratitude for you

in my heart for all the love

and everything you and your

family have done for me.

But I haven't lived up to your love.

I have a confession.

I have fallen in love with Alex.

Perhaps I've been in love

with her my entire life.

She was my childhood sweetheart.

Until the past few months, to me,

she was a dream unfulfilled.

I recently found out that

I was her dream, too.

When we reconnected

after such a long time,

we instantly felt that nothing

between us has changed with time.

In fact, our love has grown

in the last few weeks.

If I deny these feelings,

I'll be a lousy husband cheating

on a loyal, wonderful wife like you.

You deserve more.

You deserve better.

It is with sorrow that I am writing

this to you to request a divorce.

Hopefully one without

too much animosity."

Okay.

He's here.

Wait, wait, wait!

You can't escape that easily.

Come on over here. Come. Come on.

Come in. Zits.

Sit.

So, now that we have our man,

let me say a few words.

As you all know, our beloved

Mike surprised us very much

with his unexpected Jewishness

and his total conversion.

And recently, he surprised us

with his Lipnick's franchise plan.

He's a man of many surprises.

So now it's our turn.

Time to give Mike the surprise of

his life, and when he hears this,

believe me... he won't forget

this day so long as he lives.

So, without further ado,

I want to announce today...

that...

I'm gonna be a great-grandfather!

A great-grandpa! Mazel Tov!

And Mike's gonna be a father!

Everybody, raise your glass.

L'chaim! L'chaim. What a mitzvah.

Oh, look at them.

What a couple.

Oh, they're so beautiful.

Nice, beautiful Jewish children

they're going to have.

Oh, my. Mazel Tov.

Oh, oh, it's so wonderful.

Thank you. Oh, I'm so proud of you.

Oh. You'll have twins,

maybe quintuplets.

Oh, a bunch of little Jewish

babies running around!

Holy sh*t. Holy sh*t. Holy sh*t.

Scotty.

Scotty, pick up.

Pick up, pick up.

- Hey, dude, what's up?

- She's pregnant.

- Who?

- What?

I'm sorry, but with you,

I need to ask who.

- Dylan.

- Holy sh*t.

- Exactly. There's more.

- Always.

I sent an e-mail to her

telling her about Alex.

You sent an e-mail? That's harsh.

Scotty, focus, okay? Focus.

Help now, judge later.

I need you to call your tech guys and

ask them how to recover an e-mail.

Don't you know her password?

- No!

- Sh*t.

Mike, there's no way to

recall an e-mail. Trust me.

Sh*t. Sh*t. Sh*t.

Okay. Okay, Mike. Get it together.

Get it together, Mike.

Get it together.

There's at least 50 restaurants here.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes