Divorce Invitation Page #7

I never, ever thought we'd be able

to retire, but if this works out,

maybe we can. Or at least

cut back on our hours.

Retire? Oh, sweetheart.

We're not gonna retire.

We're just gonna begin to live.

- I got to go.

- Okay. I'll see you at home.

I'll show them the rest.

- All right, let's see.

- He did this all himself.

Sorry.

- Didn't mean to wake you up.

- I wasn't sleeping.

I was at the office with Scott,

and then we went to dinner, and...

It's okay. Come on in.

I read your e-mail.

I'm sorry. Okay? I...

I wouldn't have sent it if I

had known... the news earlier.

So, you would have continued to

cheat on your wife? For how long?

No. No, no. I... I don't mean that.

I just mean I would've waited

for the... the right time.

The right time.

And when would that be?

Dylan, I am sorry. Okay?

It's just I'm kind of

in a corner right now.

She wants to leave by Christmas,

and she wanted an answer before then.

Oh. Oh, she does, does she?

Okay. Well, at first, I was upset.

After I calmed myself down a bit,

I thought about it.

I tried to be objective...

Tried to understand where

you were coming from.

Thank you.

And I've come to a decision.

The answer is no.

- What?

- You heard me. No.

W-what do you mean "No"?

- No to what?

- To a divorce. No.

I understand where

you're coming from.

Okay, knowing what we know now,

I'm not gonna insist on

it right away, obviously.

No. Not by tomorrow, not by Christmas,

not by any deadline she may give you.

I'm not signing divorce papers

for you ever in my life, period.

Good night.

So, you have to go by Christmas?

Look, I understand

your dilemma, Mike.

Just let me go. Be with her.

I'm not gonna force

you into anything.

And don't worry. I'm not gonna

back out of the franchise deal.

That's not what I'm worried about.

She's pregnant.

Congratulations.

That's exciting.

You are gonna be a great dad.

I hope your baby gets those

beautiful long eyelashes.

I wasn't ready for this.

I don't want to lose you again, Alex.

Okay.

I can wait.

How long do you think?

I'm afraid it may never happen.

Okay.

It's all right, Mike.

I just want you to be happy.

- It's all right.

- No, it's not me.

She said no... no to the divorce...

not now, not ever.

Oh, my gosh. She sounds

like just like my ex-husband.

He never wanted to let me go, either.

That bloodsucking leech.

Should've known better than

to sign that prenup. So stupid.

Never sign a prenuptial agreement

without reading it carefully.

There are so many snakes

to bite you on the ass

that the devil's

pitchfork up the wazoo

is gonna come as a welcome

relief by comparison.

Scott, how could you not let

me read this f***ing bible?

I would've done it for free!

And you! You...

How do you sign this thing

without giving it to me first?

All right. All right. Here we go.

Here we go, okay. Here is

the clause that's the killer.

If you ask for a divorce, you have to

arrange a formal divorce ceremony.

Such ceremony must consist of the guests

attended the wedding in the first place.

It has to take place in

the same wedding venue.

The couple will wear the same

attire from their wedding day,

and only then is she legally bound

to sign your divorce application.

On top of that, you also have the burden of

explaining your reasons for your divorce.

The ceremony will be followed

by a lavish dinner and dancing,

which will be paid for... by you.

In short, she's a genius.

She's got you by the balls.

You're f***ed.

Welcome to the club.

Although I have some good news.

There's a 10 percent discount

on the people attending.

Good luck, buddy!

Bastard. Con man.

He pulled the "I'll be Jewish"

wool over our eyes.

You mean your eyes. I told you

it wasn't a proper conversion.

Why would you let that

bastard live in your place?

- Why don't you kick him out?

- Grandpa! How does that help me?

At least I'll have somebody to

call 911 in case, god forbid,

something happens to me

in the middle of the night.

Well, you move in with us.

We'll take care of you.

Why should you?

It's his responsibility, too.

You know, nowadays they say,

"We are pregnant."

Why should he have the easy

way out? Let him do his share.

Having a baby is a bliss. He doesn't

deserve to be any part of it.

If I were you,

I would kick him so far away

that even his shadow

couldn't touch that baby.

Enough!

25 years ago, you chased Delilah's

father away with the same attitude,

and what was the result? He never

even showed up for Rachel's funeral.

And who suffered the most?

Delilah.

This child has never even seen

her father in her entire life.

I'm so sorry to bring

this up now, honey.

This is not our decision to make.

It's Mike. Wait, wait, please.

Let me talk to him now.

- Hey, grandpa Paul.

- Hi.

- I'm assuming Dylan told you.

- Yes, she told us.

I just want to say I have the

highest regard for you and Elaine.

I think Dylan is a wonderful,

wonderful woman.

I truly love her. I really do.

It's just, you know, sometimes fate

kind of plays tricks on you, and...

I never thought I'd run into Alex

again in the rest of my life, but...

I did, and unfortunately, it just kind of...

happened at the wrong time.

What do you want from me?

Dylan is not really of a sound

mind to listen to me, so...

I was wondering if you could talk to

her and get her to sign these papers.

If you do, we can just avoid

the whole prenup and just...

Move on.

My granddaughter never

cared for my advice,

even when she was choosing a spouse.

But don't be discouraged.

I'll do my very best to help

you out with your divorce.

Living together after this

isn't good for anyone. Wait.

And, you know, I will do my

best to work on the franchise.

Oh. Is this the prenup?

I already have a copy.

No, it's the guest list

from your wedding.

- I thought you said you were gonna help me.

- I just did.

I'm now officially butting

out of your lives. Good luck.

Honey, you're going about

this all the wrong way.

Stop thinking of this as just your

divorce and start thinking of this as a...

celebration of our lives together.

Start having fun

with it, and if you do,

then the guests will be more likely

to come. Just think about it.

How many divorces will ever

have this kind of an opportunity?

Good luck.

Every day, every hour you're on the road.

It's a carmaggeddon for you, dick.

- Don't call him that near my school, mom!

- Be quiet. Mommy and daddy are talking.

It doesn't mean you can

take away my day with him.

No?

No.

This is hilarious!

Oh, you got to accept

this funny gift.

Hi. Come to my divorce.

You are coming to my divorce.

Divorce ceremony.

Henley's only, okay?

What the f***? Who the f*** are you?

Some high-school friend?

Some college roommate?

- Who the f*** is this, Brad?

- Honey, I have no idea.

I swear to god, I don't even

know who this idiot is.

Brad, it's me... Mike Christian.

I'm Dylan Lipnick's husband.

Oh! Oh, yeah!

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