Divorce Invitation Page #8

So you do know him!

- Did you just lie to me?

- I mean... I don't exactly know...

F*** you!

How dare you f***ing lie to

me on my f***ing wedding day

before my f***ing honeymoon?

So, a young Jewish couple

gets successfully divorced,

but the wife says to the judge,

"Now I have to apply for a get."

And the judge says, "Get what?"

She says, "No, that's the name for a

Jewish ceremony which is for a divorce."

And he says, "Oh, I understand.

In other words, you mean like a bris."

She says, "Yes, except that

in a bris, it's one thing.

In a get, you get to get rid

of the entire schmuck."

Hey, there. You and me... divorce

ceremony. Thanks. Come here.

Look what he brings me...

a divorce invitation.

Hi. I would like to

invite you to my divorce.

Is it true you're actually

seeking a divorce from Dylan?

No comment.

You are coming to

my divorce. Be there.

Hey, Paul and Amber.

Divorce invitation.

I'll see you there, okay?

Oh, my god! It's Mike!

Oh, my god! Mike!

I'm so happy you're here! I was

hoping that you were gonna come.

I saw you on the cover of that

one magazine. Is this for me?

You're coming to my divorce.

See you there.

I think I'm gonna bring a plus-one because

I didn't bring anyone the last time.

Joseph Armstrong in the house!

That's because there wasn't

an open bar, but this time,

I think there's going to be.

You know what I mean?

And I'm done! That's it!

According to the

prenuptial agreement,

it is incumbent upon the person

who initiated the divorce

to invite all of those who attended the

original wedding... minus 10 percent.

Mr. Christian has done

this successfully.

As decreed in the

prenuptial agreement,

Mrs. Christian must sign

the divorce petition.

Well...

It feels weird to be offering

congratulations to you, Mike.

I didn't think you could pull it off.

I have...

never had such a strong bond

with anyone as I have with you.

I have never been so in love.

And I thought you felt the same way.

I guess I was wrong.

In the past few weeks,

I've seen how much trouble

Mike has gone through to

get all of you here today.

He has shown tremendous

persistence to end this marriage

and unite with Alex.

Maybe that means she

deserves him more than I do.

And now, according to the

prenuptial agreement...

Mr. Christian will reveal

his reasons for a divorce.

Thank you, Dylan.

And thank you, all, for coming today

and sparing your valuable time for me.

Getting all you here was no easy task,

I can assure you that.

It was no fun having doors

slammed in my face,

getting the evil eye on the street,

being spat upon, punched in the face,

and told I am a horrible person

for deserting my pregnant wife.

This little... event was not my idea.

It all happened because Dylan slipped

a little clause in our prenup...

a clause I never bothered to read.

Otherwise, I never would have

had to face this sh*t storm

and see all of you, but I did.

And today, I am a winner...

A winner not just because

I got my way, but...

because I made the journey.

I followed through on this.

It was a journey of meeting people,

talking with them,

reasoning with some,

arguing with others,

listening to their pains,

their turmoils,

their successes, their failures,

their mistakes and their regrets...

their life lessons.

Now, I was mad at Dylan for

making me come here today.

I thought she was a selfish,

stubborn woman...

Until I ran into a single mom with

five kids who asked me a question.

She said, "What if Dylan

had instigated the divorce?

Would she have to go

through the same hell?"

So, I read the prenup again, and...

sure as sh*t, she'd have to go

through the same hell I did.

That's when I realized that this

clause wasn't evil after all.

It was fair... to both of us.

And it was fair to our unborn

child that the parents

aren't gonna just walk

away from each other.

I realized that this...

this long journey that I had to take

was the perfect counseling for

a torn, confused man like me.

When I put on this suit today,

I was reminded how I

felt on my wedding day.

I've been thinking a lot about

the word "love" lately.

Love is a...

Powerful emotion.

Love is this...

indescribable feeling you

get when you see someone

who you know will do

anything for you...

When you see someone with a life

growing inside of them,

a life you helped create.

Love is sticking it out.

Living with someone day after day,

waking up next to them every

morning with their bad breath

and their hair matted to

one side of their head,

and you just look at

them and you think,

"God, she's beautiful."

That's love.

Dylan, I've given you every

reason not to love me...

And only one reason to.

I love you.

You once said to me, you said,

if only your thesis could

change one person...

It did.

I'm sorry, Alex.

I have to do this.

So, in front of all of you...

I am begging you, Dylan,

to please forgive me for all the

pain that I have caused you.

Dylan, will you remarry me?

Yes!

Yes, but...

You're gonna have to work for it.

I promise.

Mazel Tov!

All right, now listen up! Now...

- All of you who had sex last night...

- Yeah!

Let's go! Step up!

Get your picture ta... oh!

Couple late bloomers.

Couple late bloomers. Okay, okay.

No kissing and telling, buddy.

All right, now...

Those of you who had

sex with the groom!

Somebody got to be in with the groom!

- Sorry, Dylan. Oh!

- Okay, mama.

Yeah, come here.

Thanks for playing.

All right, now, those of you

who were screwed by the groom.

Yeah!

Pick your head up, buddy.

Pick your head up, buddy. Come on.

Smile about it. It's a celebration.

All right. All right. A good sport.

Now, those of you...

Who screwed the groom,

big-time. Somebody did.

Okay, all right.

- Hurted me more than it hurted you.

- Might need some counseling on that one.

All right, now, those of you,

who, unfortunately...

saw the groom butt naked

having sex. That was us!

That was us! Get in there.

- You know what?

- Michael... don't touch him.

Stay away from him.

Stay away from him.

All right, now, those of you...

Who would like to go on a honeymoon

with the groom, come on down!

- Yeah, see? She wants to go.

- Here they... boy, they... oh!

- I'm starting to think something here.

- You love it. And once you go Mike,

you don't go anywhere else.

- There something you want to tell me?

- No. No, there's nothing. There is nothing.

Okay, just making sure.

Last but certainly not least...

I feel like we all want to do this...

who wants to go on a

honeymoon with the bride?

That's all of you! That's everybody!

- That's all of you! You're kidding me!

- No! She is mine! No! She's mine!

No! Absolutely not!

Get it, man!

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