Doctor in the House Page #6

Well, I... couldn't wake the patients.

Ooh...

Mr Sparrow, sir?

- Mr Sparrow?

- What?

- There's a case just come up.

- Oh, Lord. Where?

I've got the address here.

Mrs Cooper, an old customer.

This is her seventh.

23 Paradise Street.

- Thank you.

- What's the time?

- It's zero hour.

- Oh.

- Good luck, man.

- I think I shall need it.

The bicycle's outside.

Mind how you go.

It's a bit temperamental

until you're used to it.

Taffy! Taffy! Taffy, wake up!

Yes! Yes! Where's my bag?

- Taffy.

- Oh, I thought it was a baby.

Wake up. You've got to help me.

Something terrible has happened.

- What's up?

- That girl I popped up to see...

- Yes.

- Don't go to sleep!

- Go away!

- I was up there and feeling good,

with it being Christmas Eve

and her being cooperative...

- Disgusting.

- Eh?

Well, with the soft lights

and mistletoe and everything...

Strike me down, before I knew where

I was... I'd proposed to the woman.

- Did she accept?

- Accept? She said, "Yes, please."

Well, congratulations.

You'll make a lovely bride.

Why don't you tell her

it was only a joke?

Be hauled up for breach of promise

and kicked out of the hospital?

What can I do, Taffy?

It's beyond me, man.

Should've stuck to football, see?

- You sunbathing?

- I'm going to a maternity case.

- That's different, Doctor. Hop in.

- Thank you.

It's 23 Paradise Street.

Hello, hello...?

Hello. Grimsdyke?

You've got to help me.

- 'Who's that? '

- It's me!

Benskin.

Something terrible has happened...

A- ha... Mmm...

Mmm... I take it you're not sold

on marrying this ministering angel?

- Thanks.

- Want a hand, Doc?

- Father of twins myself.

- No, thanks.

- Happy Christmas.

- Same to you.

- Good evening.

- You'll have to hurry, Doctor.

She's getting near.

I've got the water boiling.

- Good. Is the midwife here?

- No.

- No.

- Stuck in the snow, probably.

Still,

doesn't matter now you're here.

Here's the doctor, love.

You're a genius, old boy!

That's wonderful.

I'll get cracking.

Thanks, old man. Bye.

- We'll just have to be patient.

- I'll try, Doctor.

- Where's your husband?

- He's asleep next door.

Asleep?

- Does he always sleep when...?

- No, he didn't for the first three.

Oh, I see.

- Any sign yet, Doctor?

- Not yet. Any sign of the midwife?

No. I don't expect

she'll get here now.

- Oh. Is there a telephone nearby?

- Down at the corner.

- I'll pop down...

- Ooh, but it's out of order.

Oh... Well...

You'd better boil some more water.

More?! There's enough now

to bath the whole of Dr Barnardo's.

Grandma! Hot water. Quick!

Tony. Hey, Tony!

- Did you do it in time?

- Just.

It was a close thing, though.

A very close thing, old boy.

Good lad.

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas, girls.

I've got news for you.

Tony Benskin proposed to me

last night and I accepted him.

He gave me this. Isn't he sweet?

Me, too.

Well, goodbye, Mrs Cooper.

You've got a jolly nice baby.

The nicest one I ever had, Doctor.

Thanks to you.

- I didn't do much.

- Oh, but you did.

You made all the difference.

You were so kind.

I expect the doctor does hundreds

every day, don't you?

Well, not quite hundreds.

May I... May I call him after you,

Doctor? I would like to.

Yes, Mrs Cooper. Certainly,

if you'd like to. My name's Simon.

Simon. Oh, that is a nice name.

I'll call him Simon.

Then he'll be reminded of you

as long as he lives.

Thank you, Mrs Cooper.

It's a great honour.

Must be wonderful to be a doctor.

Yes... Yes, it must. Goodbye.

- Goodbye, Doctor.

- Bye, Simon.

Come on, Tony.

Get your shoulders down!

Oh, he must get his...

Never mind that, darling.

Now, then, boys. Into it.

Heave! They're not made of feathers!

It's out! Swing the ball out

to the quarter boy! That's it!

Pick it up, man!

Go on there, Simon!

- Wonderful.

- What happened?

We scored, Dean. Have a swig.

- Thank you.

- Do you good.

Come on, Bolton.

Right through the timber, boy.

- Congratulations. A wonderful game.

- Thank you, sir.

We're going

to burn the ruddy gorilla!

# Vio, vio, viola, viola, viola

# Vio, vio, viola, vio, viola

# Ich mit mein musicale,

come from Schlavischland

# Ich kan spieler,

vosch kan spieler... #

Crispins are here!

# Vio, vio, viola, viola, viola

# Vio, vio, viola, vio, viola... #

Crispins... Quiet, everybody!

Crispins are here!

Crispins are here!

- Crispins are here!

- # Vio, vio, viola, viola, viola

# Vio, vio, viola,

# Vio, viola! #

- Whoa!

- Crispins are here!

They're trying to kidnap Hubert!

We'll burn the ruddy monkey!

Push me in, go on, then!

Not backwards! Forwards!

Oh, put me down!

Put me down! Let me go!

Help! Put me down! Put me down!

Please! Help!

Help! Help!

Come on! Hold it!

You're pulling the church with it.

Come on, fellows.

Let's take the ambulance.

Come on! Hurry! Hurry! Come on!

- Come on, Taffy.

- I'm with you.

Hey, come on, fellas.

You'll never catch them in that.

- Come on!

- I've only got two legs!

- Made it!

- Shut the door!

Watch it, Tony.

- Help! Help!

- You stay down there.

Hold on! Oh!

Learn to drive!

- Get the gorilla.

- Come on. This side. It's safe.

- Back to St Swithins, my boy.

- Get out of the way!

Hey, the police!

- Are you the driver?

- If you like.

Come on. Come on.

Nurse, ask the officer

to kindly close the door.

Didn't you hear

the doctor? Shut the door.

- Something wrong?

- Urgent casualty.

- A matter of life and...

- Death.

We must drive to the hospital.

We're all going for a nice drive

but not to the hospital...

- Nursie, darling.

- No?

Students? What sort of students?

- Veterinary, I presume.

- Oh, no, sir. Medical, sir.

Oh? Is that a medical student, too?

It might well be.

It has the same lofty and hygienic

appearance as the rest of them.

No, it's a mascot, sir.

It was in this football match...

Oh, it plays football, does it?

On ice?

No, sir. Not play, sir.

It was on the touchline.

Thumping its chest,

bellowing "pass"?

I don't understand why it was in

the ambulance. Can you enlighten me?

- We were rescuing it, sir.

- You were the nurse?

Yes, sir.

Not very convincing casting,

to use a theatrical expression.

Well, this won't do. The court

has more to occupy itself with

than the rescue of gorillas

in distress...

stuffed or unstuffed.

Have any of you anything more

you wish to say? You?

- No, sir.

- You?

- No, sir.

- You are fined 40 shillings each.

I have no doubt that your hospital

will have more to say in the matter.

It is unnecessary to say

that your conduct has been unfitting

for members

of the medical profession.

- You will agree, gentlemen.

- Disgusting.

You will each be fined ten pounds,

and I warn you, if any of you commit

the slightest breach of discipline

during the rest of your time here,

you will be expelled

from the medical school forthwith.

That is all.

I will not tolerate this rowdyism.

Ten quid! I can't raise that.

It's twelve with the two

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