Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story Page #7

Here. Justin, your virgin daiquiri.

- Thanks, Ms Veatch.

- Nothing for me.

- Dwight says we'll get killed out there, Peter.

- Let's not talk about tomorrow.

- What are we gonna do?

- I don't know. It's a little complicated.

- But what do you think we should do?

- Yeah. Come on, tell us.

What's the plan?

What do you guys want from me?

I don't have a plan for you.

We're gonna play Globo Gym tomorrow

and we're probably gonna lose.

It's the truth. The sooner you guys get that

through your head, the easier this will all be.

Jesus Christ.

He didn't mean that.

- Is he being serious?

- He's probably just stressed out.

I've never seen him like that.

Gar, matey, where are you headed? Peter...

You are not a pirate.

OK, guys. Let's get out of here

and get some rest for tomorrow, right?

Dwight...

I'm gonna catch up with you guys later.

I'm gonna have a bathroom... go to the drink...

in the bathroom.

Whatever you do, wash your hands.

Excuse me, miss. I was wondering if...

You are the one who stares at me.

Why is this?

Because I think you're

the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

Watch it, freak.

Go back to Treasure Island.

Fag.

Screw you.

Katie, bar the door.

It's time for the championship match

here on ESPN8 - the "Ocho".

We've seen it all here, folks.

Grit, determination, incontinence.

And it's all come down to this -

a Cinderella story.

Average Joe's Gymnasium hopes to

drive their vorpal blade snicker-snack

into the heart of the dodgeball Jabberwocky

that is the Globo Gym Purple Cobras,

and walk away with $50,000

in stone-cold cash.

Hello, everybody, and welcome

to what you've all been waiting for.

A David-and-Goliath story

truer than the Bible itself.

The championship dodgeball match

here on ESPN8 - the "Ocho".

Peter?

Peter?

Hello?

Peter?

Come on, everybody headed down...

So what happens on a double fault?

On a double fault you go to sudden-death

elimination. It's Continuation Rule 113-D.

- Whatever.

- Hey, guys, wait up.

Justin.

- I've been looking for you everywhere.

- Really? I mean, why? What's up?

Derek fell off the roller coaster

and broke every bone in his body.

My God, that's awful.

We were the centre Kewpie. With no

centre Kewpie we can't do our routine.

- No. I'm sorry.

- You gotta do it.

What?

No, no, no, no, no. I can't.

Please. You are the only one in Las Vegas

who knows our routine.

- The dodgeball championship's at noon.

- You'll be back in time. I promise.

- All right, I'll do it.

- Yes.

- I gotta tell the guys.

- No. No time.

- I gotta tell the guys.

- No time.

Average Joe's are a 50-1 underdog here today.

No one is giving them much of a chance.

What do you think, Pep?

I spoke to White Goodman before the match

and he told me that his team

really wants to win this one.

Right. And the stage is set for

Darwin's cruellest play to unfold.

So don't go anywhere, folks.

The Schadenfreude is about to begin.

- I don't understand. Why would Peter leave?

- He knows we're gonna get killed.

Hey. That's not true. I don't know why Peter

left, but we can do this without him.

We just have to figure it out.

Owen, you'll have to play.

- OK, yeah.

- Great. But we'll still be two players short.

We're still missing the teenage love-puppy

and Steve the Pirate.

Who's Steve the Pirate?

The only guy on our team

who dresses like a pirate.

Wait. There's a guy on our team

dressed like a pirate?

And now, let's hear it for the West Davenport

High School Charging Donkeys.

Donkeys.

Go, Donkeys.

- We did it.

- Holy cow. My God.

- It was perfect. You were perfect.

- God, I gotta go.

Wait. Aren't you gonna stay for the trophy?

I'm sorry, Amber. I got my own trophy to win.

Now I'm going.

Here come the Purple Cobras,

led by White Goodman. All business.

We haven't seen Average Joe's yet.

They haven't made it to the court.

It could be a psychological ploy,

or something worse.

They're definitely not on the court, Cotton.

Their absence is noticeable.

We'll be right back

after these words from our sponsors...

Can I get a bottle of water?

Aren't you Peter La Fleur?

- Lance Armstrong?

- Yeah, that's me. But I'm a big fan of yours.

- Really?

- Yeah, I've been watching the dodgeball.

I just can't get enough of it. I'm really pullin'

for you against those jerks from Globo Gym.

I think you better hurry up

or you're gonna be late.

- Actually, I decided to quit, Lance.

- Quit?

Once I thought of quittin', when I had brain,

lung and testicular cancer at the same time.

But with the support of my friends

I got back on the bike

and I won the Tour de France

five times in a row.

But I'm sure you have a good reason to quit.

What are you dying from

that's keepin' you from the finals?

Right now, it feels a little bit like shame.

If people never quit when the going got tough

they'd have nothing to regret all their lives.

Good luck to you, Peter. I'm sure

this decision won't haunt you forever.

Steve? Steve the Pirate? "Scurvy."

- No. Not ringing any bells.

- Forget it, man.

We'll play with four people. It's not

an advantage. Can't you bend the rules?

There's nothing I can do. Rules are rules.

You don't have enough players.

Inform the committee and Mr Goodman

about Average Joe's forfeit.

- Yes, sir.

- Better luck next year.

Excuse me.

Sorry I'm late. You won't believe

whatjust happened. Hey, guys.

You're just in time to help us forfeit.

Forfeit? Why?

Well, I don't know what to tell you, but...

Yes, I'm being told that Average Joe's

does not have enough players

and will be forfeiting

the championship match.

It's a bold strategy, Cotton.

Let's see if it pays off for 'em.

To the tournament floor we go, for the sceptre

presentation from the Dodgeball Chancellor.

Ladies and gentlemen,

by the power vested in me

by our governing body, the American

Dodgeball Association of America,

and in concurrence with our sponsors,

Lumber Liquidators and Omaha Steaks,

it gives me great pleasure

to declare the winner of this year's

Las Vegas International Tournament to be...

Wait. He's here.

Hey, guys. Sorry I'm late.

We're ready to play, Your Honour.

Too late. Your lovable band of losers already

forfeited. The trophy and money are mine.

He's right. The team already forfeited.

There's nothing you can do.

Facial, La Fleur. Total facial.

Actually, that's not true.

The committee can overrule the chancellor -

that's you, sir - by a two-thirds vote.

He's right. He's right. It's a bylaw.

- It's a bylaw.

- What's a bylaw?

- Hang on a second here, folks.

- Let them play.

We mightjust have a championship game yet.

Listen to this crowd.

Unbelievable.

Pepper, it's clear what the crowd wants, but

the committee members have the final say.

And it looks like they've come to a decision.

Joe's needs two "yes" votes to play.

- There's a thumbs-up. Good news for Joe's.

- Please.

- Let's see how our second judge votes.

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