Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story Page #8

- Thank you.

Oh, tough sledding there. It's all even. Their

fate hangs on the thumb of our final judge.

Thumbs up. Average Joe's can play.

That is pure poppycock.

You're gonna let them do that?

- Thank you, Chuck Norris.

- Thank you, Peter.

All right, captains. Shake hands,

and let's have a clean match.

Good luck, White.

Cram it up your cramhole, La Fleur.

Prepare to be humiliated on cable television.

Whatever.

- Nice of you to show up.

- Yeah, I thought so too.

What? I got a plan.

Let's play smart. Wait for two-on-ones. Cover

closely for your pick-ups. What's our motto?

- "Aim low".

- That's right.

All I'm asking is that

you give it your best for Patches.

I say we go out there, let it all hang loose,

try to have some fun.

I mean, it's only dodgeball, right?

- Put 'em in. One, two, three.

- Joe's.

Globo Gym, ready?

Average Joe's, ready?

Dodgeball.

Championship match is under way.

Average Joe's versus the Globo Gym Goliath.

Quick elimination there for Kate Veatch.

White Goodman's hit,

but that ball's up for grabs. And...

- It's caught.

- That's a catch.

- You're out, La Fleur.

- Peter La Fleur has gotta sit down.

And Joe's has lost

their two best players early.

Dwight Baumgarten still playing hard.

Hits Me'Shell Jones right on the dome.

You're mine next time.

Right in the tokus.

- Hi.

- Hey.

- You're out.

- I don't know what that was,

but it leaves Joe's on the wrong side

of a 4-2 advantage.

Joe's gets an elimination. It's two on three.

Get out.

Gordo. Lose your temper. Get mad.

White Goodman with a catch. Gordon Pibb

goes out, Me'Shell Jones comes back in.

You're out, four-eyes.

Well, it's all up to Average Joe's youngest

member. He's gotta make a play here, Pepper.

Word, Cotton.

Four Cobras and one Joe. Even a rabid

mongoose wouldn't have a chance now.

- Nice dodge.

- Stay alive. Stay alive.

They're just toying with the young man now.

He's gotta avoid getting hit. That's the key.

Justin, let's go.

What a great catch.

And another.

Peter La Fleur comes back into the game.

Just like that, a three-player swing.

Joe's isn't done yet.

Justin.

I love you.

I love you t...

Joanie loves Chachi.

Two players left on each side.

What a match. What a sport.

Throw out the rule book, folks,

it's down and dirty now. Street dodgeball.

Look out. La Fleur goes down -

he's a sitting duck.

How about that, folks? Kate Veatch takes the

bullet for Peter La Fleur. Now that's sacrifice.

As touching a moment as we've seen

on the dodgeball court all tournament.

A blatant cheap shot from White Goodman.

- That's court misconduct. That's a warning.

- Come on. Gimme a break.

- You OK?

- Yeah, I'm fine.

- Jesus. Are you sure?

- Yeah. I'm all right.

- It was an accident. I thought she was in play.

- Not a chance.

We're sweating like greased monkeys.

I can't hold on to a ball.

Sorry, miss, but you're out.

You gotta get off the court.

Watch him, man.

- Hey, Peter.

- Yeah?

Kick his ass.

- Here's the restart.

- Players, to your positions.

Looks like it's gonna be a two-on-one,

a mnage trois of pain.

Usually you pay double

for that kind of action, Cotton.

You're playing ready dodgeball.

Balls are at your feet.

Ready? Dodgeball.

It's a cat-and-mouse game, folks.

Peter La Fleur has gotta wait for his shot.

He gets the elimination.

My. Globo Gym wins.

A Cinderella story cast asunder.

Average Joe's has come all this way

for nothing. Absolutely nothing.

They're not gonna get anything, Cotton.

No elimination. Double fault.

You stepped over the line on the throw.

What? You gotta be out of your mind.

That is the worst call I've ever seen.

I'm out here busting my butt and you come in

with a bush-league call like that? Bullcrap.

ADAA Continuation Rule 113-D, sir.

Sudden death.

All right. Bring it.

I don't believe it, folks. Sudden death.

Well, let me tell you,

a double-fault final-play elimination hasn't

occurred since the Helsinki episode of 1919,

and I think we all remember

how that turned out.

Ladies and gentlemen, it's the greatest

happening in sport. Sudden-death dodgeball.

Pepper needs new shorts.

White, Peter, this is sudden death.

Only striking an opposing player eliminates

them. Catching the ball does nothing.

Both feet must remain

in the triangle at all times.

You may throw any time after my call.

Understood?

OK. Let's have a clean match.

Good luck, gentlemen.

This is it, La Loser.

You ready for the hurricane?

Just don't go cryin' to mama when

I spank you in front of all these people.

You don't go crying to your daddy

after I wipe it up with your face.

- White?

- Yeah?

- You look awful fat in those pants.

- Players, to your positions.

This is about gamesmanship.

Throw early and you're defenceless.

Throw late and you're eliminated.

Dilemma, thy name is dodgeball.

This sport doesn't build character,

it reveals it.

Effin' A, Cotton. Effin' A.

Come on, talk to me.

Listen up, crotch stain.

Remember your training

and trust your instincts.

You can do it. I believe in you.

Bye-bye.

Right.

Players, turn and step in.

What the hell's he doing?

I don't know.

Get a load of this guy.

In 23 years of broadcasting

I thought I'd seen it all, folks.

But it looks like Peter La Fleur

has actually blindfolded himself.

He will not be able to see very well, Cotton.

Ready?

Dodgeball.

Goodbye, Peter.

I always knew you were weak.

Air Goodman, comin' at ya.

Down goes Goodman.

Down goes Goodman.

Winner. Average Joe's.

Do you believe in unlikelihoods?

Average Joe's shocking the dodgeball world

and upsetting Globo Gym

in the championship match.

Unbelievable.

I have been to the Great Wall of China.

I have seen the Pyramids of Egypt.

I've even witnessed a grown man

satisfy a camel.

But never in all my years as a sportscaster

have I witnessed something as improbable,

as impossible, as what we've witnessed here.

The little team that could, Average Joe's

Gymnasium, underdogs throughout,

stand before us, aglow,

as true dodgeball champions.

On behalf of the American Dodgeball

Association of America,

it is my honour to present to you

this cheque for $50,000.

What are you so happy about, La Fleur?

None of this matters.

You signed your gym over to me last night,

remember? You lost, I won.

Suck failure, freaks.

Peter, is that true?

Yeah, it's true.

It's true I sold Average Joe's to White.

It's true that every man has his price.

And it's also true that money won

is a lot sweeter than money earned.

- Now he's a philosophiser.

- Excuse us. Step aside, please.

Your winnings, Mr La Fleur.

Congratulations.

- Right on time. I appreciate it. Thank you.

- What is that? What winnings?

Gosh, I totally forgot to tell you. I took the

$100,000 bribe that you gave me last night,

and I put it on us to win.

We were going off at 50-1.

Anyone? Top of your head?

What's 50 times $100,000?

$50,000?

$5 million. Peter, are you kidding me?

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