Dogma Page #11

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Bethany, Jay and Silent Bob are in various wide-eyed states of shock.

JAY:

Alright - what's with you, lady?! That's the second time you got attacked

by the f***ing Mighty Ducks!

RUFUS:

(wiping off hands)

Man, they're onto you bad, already. I got here just in time.

BETHANY:

How can you be so composed? We were almost killed.

RUFUS:

Death is a worry of the living. The dead only worry about decay and

necrophiliacs.

JAY:

See! I told you he was the undead!

RU FUS:

Not the undead, the dead. I died. Christ told me the secret to resurrection

once when we were at a wedding in Canna, but I got drunk and forgot it.

BETHANY:

(incredulous)

Wait. wait, wait - Christ? You knew Christ?

RUFUS:

Knew him? I saw him naked.

BETHANY:

Let me guess - you're another angel?

RUFUS:

No, I'm a man - just like you and him.

(looks at Jay)

Well, maybe not like him. At least I was a man. Been dead for nearly two

thousand years. Here.

(pulls rolled up paper from behind his ear)

JAY:

No wonder he saw Jesus - homey's rockin' the ganj.

BETHANY:

(unrollingit)

It's not a joint.

(looks at it)

I can't read this.

RUFUS:

It's Sanskiit. It says "Rufus - see you in two years. Jesus." Freaked me

out because he basically told me when my number was up. Took the flavor out

of the remaining years. Look, we gotta keep moving. If we stay in one place

long enough, those things are liable to come back. What say we continue

this discussion over something to eat?

BETHANY:

(snaps)

WAIT A SECOND!

(inhales deeply)

I'm a rational woman, okay. All I want to know is where you, and those...

kids came from?!

RUFUS:

They came from Hell. I came from Heaven.

(walking away)

Let's start walking.

JAY:

Walk? Do you know how far we are from anywhere?

RUFUS:

Back in the old days with J.C., we walked everywhere. Did you ever hear of

a fat apostle?

(exits)

Bethany looks to Jay and Silent Bob for some guidance or stability.

JAY:

What's an apostle?

Bethany shakes her head and exits. Jay and Silent Bob shrug at each other.

EXT MOOBY CORP. BUILDING - DAWN

A large office building in downtown Cleveland. The city. hasn't started up

yet. A pickup truck pulls curbside in front of the structure. Bartleby and

Loki jump out of the back and pat the side of the truck. offering waved

thank-you's to the driver. As the truck pulls away, Loki pulls out the

article and looks at it. He looks up at the building and nods to Bartleby,

smiling. They head toward the front doors.

INT QUAlNT SUBURBAN HOUSE - DAWN

A ringing phone is answered by the unseen figure in the chair. We move from

the seated Figure, passing by the dead bodies of the home's original

owners, and come to a stop on the bruised and worn Stygian Triplets seated

on a couch. They look scared.

FIGURE:

Hello?... No, they're not in right now... I'm the phone guy... I'll leave

them a message... Bye.

The Figure hangs up the phone and rises.

FIGURE:

You say the girl has already met the prophets?

The Stygian Triplets nod.

FIGURE:

She grows closer to learning her true identity. If that happens, our plan

is jeopardized. I can't afford to go into the field - that might compromise

us further. The best course of action is to insure that our parcel is not

found. And being that I can't even trust you enough to kill a girl, I'm

left with no choice but to seek outside assistance in guarding our package.

(sighs)

I'm going to have to summon the Golgothan.

The Figure exits. The Stygian Triplets register shock.

EXT FAST FOOD JOINT - DAWN

Rufus - now wearing some funky new clothes - carries a tray of fast food to

an outdoor table. Sitting already are Bethany, Jay, and Silent Bob.

RUFUS:

(off new clothes)

It's amazing the sh*t people throw out. Didn't I tell you I'd find some

threads?

A car full of teens whip past them.

TEEN:

(yelling from passing car)

GARBAGE PICKER!

RUFUS:

(waves to them)

Thank you.

(to group)

What's that mean?

JAY:

It means they saw you pull that sh*t out of that dumpster.

RUFUS:

So it's a good thing, then.

(handing coat back to Silent Bob)

I appreciate the loan, brother. You can have this back.

JAY:

(to Silent Bob)

Lucky you.

RUFUS:

(off food)

Damn, I remember when all we used to have for breakfast was fish and goat's

milk. What do you call this sh*t?

BETHANY:

(to Rufus)

Egg McMuffin. Now how about you start explaining some things to me.

RUFUS:

Like what?

BETHANY:

Like - for starters - who the hell are those kids that keep attacking me?

RUFUS:

Nasty little bastards called the Stygian Triplets. They're not really

related. When they were alive they were a trio of kids that snatched a

neighbor's toddler and smashed it's skull in - "just to see what it looked

like" I believe was their defense. They were killed in a car wreck on the

way to a detention center.

BETHANY:

So they're dead too?

RUFUS:

You'd be surprised how many dead people are just walking around - we're

stubborn bastards. Thing is, those kids are supposed to be in Hell. Which

means that someone wants you out of the picture so badly they're willing to

summon demons.

BETHANY:

Is it those two angels I'm supposed to stop?

RUFUS:

Couldn't be. They're not evil - they're just stupid.

JAY:

(to Bethany)

Wait a minute - are you going to listen to this sh*t? We don't even know

who this guy is. For all you know, he's in with those fucks. They both

showed up at the same time.

BETHANY:

I hate to say it - but he does have a point. How did you know where to find

us?

RUFUS:

You know what the dead do with most of their time? They watch the living.

Especially in the shower.

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