Dogma Page #16

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LOKI:

(to woman)

Sorry. Force of habit.

He surveys his handiwork and exits. The female Board Member slowly opens

her eyes and looks around.

INT STRIP JOINT - LATER

Jay and the Gang Leader sit together at a table, surrounded by the other

gangsters and Silent Bob. They laugh and chug their '40's.

GANG LEADER:

(to Gang)

Watch this sh*t.

(to Jay)

Do it again, G. Do the Mush-mouth.

JAY:

(swigs his beer; as 'Mush-mouth')

Hey-buh, Fat-buh, Al-buh-bert.

The Gang laughs hysterically.

GANGSTER 1

Fat Albert like a mother f***er and sh*t!

Bethany, Rufus, and Serendipity huddle around a table further away.

RUFUS:

(elated)

I forgot you were down here! How long now?

SERENDIPITY:

Three years this August. What about you - is this another temporary

expulsion? You and your 'Christ was down' campaign?

BETHANY:

What does that mean - another expulsion? I thought you came down here

specifically to help me?

SERENDIPITY:

Is that what he told you? Rufus gets thrown out constantly; at least once a

month, ethereal time. They always bring him back, but only after a few days

of peace and quiet - free from that black nationalist rhetoric.

RUFUS:

(joking)

Artsy-fartsy b*tch.

SERENDIPITY:

Who you calling artsy-fartsy?

RUFUS:

(to Bethany)

Serendipity here used to hang with us sometimes back in Jerusalem.

BETHANY:

Let me guess - the fourteenth apostle; left out of the bible because she's

a woman.

RUFUS:

The girl's not a woman.

(to Serendipity)

No offense.

BETHANY:

Oh, those weren't tits I saw Jay cozying up to?

SERENDIPITY:

(tugs on b*obs)

What, these? You should know better than anyone at this table that tits

don't make a woman.

RUFUS:

Hell, the tubby, coat-wearing mother f***er's got tits - don't make him a

woman.

SERENDIPITY:

Aside from an intuitive knack for accessorizing, what traditionally defines

a woman falls between two things : her legs. But as you can see...

Serendipity stands and unbuttons her jeans, dropping them slightly,

revealing yet another smooth, sexless crotch, quite like Metatron's.

SERENDIPITY:

I lack definition.

OC JAY:

Hey! They're getting a free show!

Serendipity pulls her pants back up and sits down, smiling at the OC party.

BETHANY:

(weary)

Oh God. Another angel. Like Metatron.

SERENDIPITY:

How do you know Metatron?

(to Rufus)

How does she know Metatron?

RUFUS:

This is the last Scion.

SERENDIPITY:

(beat)

You're kidding.

RUFUS:

Don't you see the resemblance?

SERENDIPITY:

(stares at Bethany)

A bit.

(suddenly nervous)

Oh sh*t. If she's been tapped, then something's up.

BETHANY:

I'm confused.

RUFUS:

Bethany, Serendipity here isn't technically an angel, nor is she by any

means a human being like I was and you are.

SERENDIPITY:

Amen to that.

(swigs her beer and spits it out)

BETHANY:

Then who is she?

SERENDIPITY:

Not who - what. I haven't always been part of the anthropomorphic club. I

used to be an abstract.

BETHANY:

Now I'm really lost.

RUFUS:

Serendipity's an idea.

SERENDIPITY:

Try all ideas.

BETHANY:

Meaning?

SERENDIPITY:

I'm a muse, stupid.

Bethany stares at her for a beat, then at Rufus. Rufus nods affirmatively.

BETHANY:

I can't take much more of this.

(downs her beer)

RUFUS:

(to Serendipity)

She's now met a seraphim, a dead man, and a muse.

You can appreciate her frame of mind.

BETHANY:

(to Serendipity)

So you - what - inspire people?

SERENDIPITY:

What just went down with your friends over there-you don't think they

thought of that themselves? I knew Kane's weak spot for Fat Albert and

passed it along to the boys.

RUFUS:

If she hadn't interceded, they'd be chalk lines right now.

BETHANY:

You made them sing that song?

SERENDIPITY:

I offered them a solution out of the hole they dug for themselves.

Thankfully, they took it.

BETHANY:

Are you kidding? Those two are so dense, they wouldn't get a good idea if

it was given to them in a specially marked box.

SERENDIPITY:

Dense people are the most open to suggestion - it's vou so-called

intelligent folks that have a hard time accepting a good idea.

RUFUS:

Ain't that the truth.

BETHANY:

Prove it. Give me a good idea.

SERENDIPITY:

If I do, and you accept it, then you'll have confirmation that you are - as

you say - dense.

BETHANY:

(beat)

Alright. So you're a muse. So what kind of people do you inspire - besides

stupid ones?

SERENDIPITY:

I used to specialize in entertainment - literature, theatre, so forth.

BETHANY:

Movies?

SERENDIPITY:

In some cases, I'd do everything but bang starlets on the casting couch.

BETHANY:

What have I seen that you've been involved with?

SERENDIPITY:

Off the top of my head - everything. Well almost everything. For example:

I'm responsible for nine of the ten top grossing films of all time.

BETHANY:

Nine?

SERENDIPITY:

The one about the kid, by himself in his house; burglars trying to get in

and he fights them off?

(Bethany nods)

I had nothing to do with that one. Somebody sold their soul to Satan to get

the grosses up on that piece of sh*t.

RUFUS:

Which brings us to the next logical question - what are you doing

stripping?

SERENDIPITY:

Well you remember why I left, right?

RUFUS:

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